Friday, July 6, 2018

So much for redemption

I always have "post regret"...that's a thing right? As soon as I hit publish on any form of social media...or, 9 times out of 10, send a text, I start to rehash all the words I just typed and sent out into the universe.

Ugh. Being me is EXHAUSTING.

* * *There were jokes about the second civil war all weekend, but this morning the news is all about the real trade war. It makes me want to throw up. I'm going to have to see several movies this weekend to distract myself. (BTW..Watched the handmaids last night....JOSH!? Please please please handmaids people, don't let Bradley Whitford be a rotten guy. I need him to be nice to Emily. We ALL need that. These are trying times.)* * *

Anywho...post regret. I woke up this morning feeling like I said too much yesterday...especially that line about the Maker's Mark.(..did you guys know bourbon is being affected by the trade war? I feel like forking Carrie Mathison, I need a spool (a big spool) of red thread to connect all the dots.) I was going to edit the post but that would have left me with a list of 9, and also, I just don't care...much...it is what it is, right?

Or is it?

Gosh, my plan was to put a few coherent words on the page to distract from yesterday's crazyfest, but it appears the crazy will not be contained. Apparently all the words just need to come out. (that's not true, believe it or not, there are so many words that I am holding in) The bottom line is, this is a place where I've always felt like I could dump all of my thoughts, who knows why I feel the need to make them public, perhaps I enjoy having anxiety. The biggest reason I'm feeling squeamish lately is that I've been more vocal about politics. These have always been my views, but for most of my life I tried to be a well mannered southern woman who didn't talk about money, sex, or elections with my friends. I still don't talk about money or sex, but it's become impossible for me to not to share my political views when I feel like so much is at stake.

Also, I'm kind of embarrassed that it has taken me so long to be open about things because I know that is a luxury many people don't have. So...it's a process, and I'm getting there, but part of that is practicing saying all of the words, not just the ones that don't offend anyone.

K. Enough for now. I'm at work...eek!! Gotta get back to making money for the Man. (who, as luck would have it, in my case is a woman. #girlpower)

ps~why do I have to make excuses, like "these are my crazy thoughts"? Different doesn't = crazy. Sheesh.

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