Saturday, April 23, 2016

What? Me, worried? Nah.

I am what you might call...chronically unsure of myself. I find that I constantly need reassurance that I'm doing the right thing. Not only in the big things, but also in the silly things, like the route I drive to and from work everyday, or what kind of shoes look best with a given outfit. My hair, should it be long or short? Curly or straight?

My gut feelings carry zero weight. I need other  people to tell me I'm doing the right thing and that everything is going to turn out okay in the end.

I should really have a fortune teller on retainer.

I am 2 finals away from being a senior in college. That means I am 1 year away from having a college degree.

{My future college degree should be very nervous. There's A LOT of pressure on it to COMPLETELY transform my life.}

I have worked so hard to get here and learned so much, in both the academic sense and the cosmic sense. There have been times this semester when I wanted to quit SO badly. I would convince myself that this whole "getting a degree" thing was pointless. Then I would think of how humiliated I would be to give up, so I stuck it out, but the battle in my head continued constantly.

As I inch closer to graduation I'm scared. I want someone to tell me it's all going to be okay. That I'm going to get a great internship where I won't feel like an idiot because I'm older than, not only all the other interns, but probably my boss too. I want to be reassured that all of this work was worth it and that I will get a job doing something I love and I will be able to make difference in the world before I die (no pressure). I want someone to tell me my hair looks good and that the way I drive to work is the quickest and most efficient. I want to  know if vitamins really work, or if they are a waste of money. What about chickens? Will I regret it if I get a couple? Is having eggs that come from happy birds going to make me bitter because I have to clean up the mess?*

Is that too much to ask?

*(I already know the answer to this one.)

1 comment:

lori.huffaker said...

Yes! It will be worth it. Yes! You will be happy and make a difference. Yes! Your hair looks awesome short! I have wanted to quit this year SOOOO MANY TIMES!!! But I have stuck with it also because I didn't want the humiliation of quitting. You are awesome. You are not old. You are wise. Your boss will love you, just ask Karen. I would like to be your person on retainer that affirms all of your life choices. I'm cheap.