Monday, December 22, 2014

My gosh you guys, I AM TIRED!!!!!!!!!

I seem to have gotten my holiday mojo back this weekend and I'm actually, for the first time this year, feeling a little bit excited about Christmas. I finished my shopping, sewed 16 pairs of pajamas, and ALL packages to out of state family members have been mailed. I even cooked homemade chicken noodle soup and rolls for dinner last night. Just call me Santa's little helper. Like the dog. On the Simpsons.

It's amazing what you can get done when you don't have any homework, and also when you wake up at 3 A.M. and can't get back to sleep.

It wasn't my plan to get up that early, but I made the best of it. I did some last minute shopping on Amazon, (Everyone on my list who was going to be stuck with one of those silly impersonal gift cards, is now getting a book I think they should read*!! Let's hear it for insomnia!!! 6 people are getting The Secret. Bahahahaha!! {Not really...about The Secret, but totes for reals about the books....someday you'll thank me...or not}.) Then I caught up on all of the online gossip about Kim Kardashian** and prepared my lesson for church. (I teach a Sunday School class to the 6 & 7 year olds, you can't really walk in there unprepared, although, as evidenced by my lack of preparation until Sunday morning, that was clearly my plan.{To be clear, the lesson was not about the Kardashian's, it was about gift giving. So I guess, in a way, it was about the Kardashians, because, Kim and Kanye are just like the Jelly of the Month Club, they're the gift that keeps on giving}.) By the time my husband got out of bed at 7:00, I was finishing up the last of my sewing while having a Taylor Swift marathon.

Anywho. This morning when I woke up at 3 A.M. and couldn't go back to sleep I was much less able to see the bright-side of things. I really really tried to sleep more, which is like willing your phone to ring when you're waiting for an important call. It never happens. So I finally got up at 4;00, and now here I am.

*I totally stole the book idea from my friend Lori, who is doing a much sweeter and less passive aggressive version with her family where she gives them a book she loves and writes individual letters telling them why.

**I did not really read anything online about Kim Kardashian. I don't even know why I said that. I guess I just wanted to sound cool. Which I did, right? 

Sunday, December 21, 2014

The mid-life crisis tour continues...

NOTE~ I found this in my draft folder this morning, I'm not sure why I didn't post it when I wrote it, but I'm posting it now, so there. Anyway, it's a couple of months old, just so you don't go thinking I wrote it yesterday or today even. Although I'm not sure why it matters WHEN I wrote it, just, I guess being an open book and all that jazz. 

Last week I listened to a podcast (it's how I pass the day at work. Praise be for itunes and their wide variety of listening material, it SAVES me. For reals.), anyway, I was listening to this podcast, and there was an interview with the Jenny Slate who does the voice of Marcel the Shell, and she was talking about times when people have written roles that they said were written specifically for her. Sometimes she said, the parts were not like, the nicest people, and it had gotten her to wondering if other people saw her as not so nice, because that is not how she sees herself at all.

I know it's not uncommon for people to not have a clear picture of how others see them, but she wasn't talking about some narcissistic thing where she thinks she's sweet and lovely and others see her as cold and calculated. She, I think... I'd hate for her to read this (hahahahaha!) and be like, nooooo..... that's not at all what I was saying. So, to be clear, what I THINK she was getting at is, that she sees herself as funny, but mostly in a nice way, and people kept bringing her these roles, written just for her, that were funny in a sharp, might cut somebody way, and she started to worry a little bit.

That got me thinking about myself. A couple of times lately people have offhandedly described me in ways that I don't see myself at all, and they weren't trying to be mean, just telling it the way they see it. And LETS BE CLEAR, I am a person who lives with my faults and crazy ALL DAY LONG, I know about my stuff, but I'm also a person who spends a lot of time in my head, maybe a little too much time, and I believe, no I KNOW, that I am so much more that the crazy stuff that leaks out. 

Yes. I'm sarcastic and easily annoyed. And I am FOR SURE that crazy girl who panics and runs away from vending machines. I'm also high strung at times, and definitely put pressure on myself to do well and have expectations that those around me will do the same. I get how those qualities could seem poky. But I also feel like I have a softer side. One that is compassionate and irrationally optimistic. I believe in the good in (most) people and that things can change if enough of us work together toward that change. I'm not afraid of the future, except for the times the future means a math test is waiting to karate chop me around the corner. AND I can be really fun and spontaneous on occasion, Although admittedly, those times seem grow further and further apart as I become old and jaded. 

Introspection seems to be turning into a theme here on ye olde blog these days, sorry about that. As I try to fight off turning 50 in a few years I'm realizing that there are things that aren't working. Things that are within my power to change and one of those things is working at keeping less in my head so I can be all of who I know I am, not just the neurotic parts that everyone sees because I'm not good at hiding them.

I'd like to end by saying, according to Blogger, this is my 1001st post. Whew, That seems like a lot of gushing about nothing. I'm torn between the urge to have a party or closing this thing down and shutting my trap, but neither one of those is a good option for me, parties make my hands sweat and shutting up is, well, not my thing, so I'll probably just keep on like I have been. One post at a time.

Saturday, December 6, 2014

A post where I unsuccessfully use a lot of ... and / in an effort to save time.

This is going to have to be quick because I have a million (and one) things to do today, but I'm trying super hard to perfect my procrastination skills, so...tada!!

I love/hate the holiday season. Buying crap no one needs and living up to all of the unreasonable exceptions I have for myself, blech! And Christmas parties...who needs em?? The holidays are the WORST for those of us who don't like to see/talk to/touch other people. On the other hand, the lights, the music, Bing Crosby and Danny F-ing Kaye?? Can one ever get too much of those things? I think not! And peppermint flavored EVERYTHING! DUDES!!? Heck ya!

School is almost done for the semester, which makes me happy and sad (my inability to pick one emotion to feel is just as annoying for me as it is for you...and my husband, so just know that, okay).
I'm happy because the stress of work/life/school gets to be a bit much, but sad because as dorky and nerdy as it sounds, I really LOVE school and learning. I am a dorky nerd. Recently I was sending a text message and I typed fork, but my phone changed it to dork. Which was what I actually intended to type. My phone knows me too well. Which is a spooky topic for a different day.

Ok. For reals y'all, I have to go. Have a holly jolly weekend!!

p.s. it took me 45 minutes to write these 2 and half paragraphs, this does not bode well for the 6 page paper I have been putting off all week.