Thursday, September 25, 2014

Hey there!!

I miss blogging. Is that weird?

Not blogging exactly, but spilling my guts on a semi-regular basis is therapeutic.  The less I write, the more things jangle around in my head, and I start to feel like I need some serious in-person therapy to get things straight.

I'm still in school, which I love, and I'm still working, I love the part about that where I get money. So there's that.

I've been thinking the past couple of weeks about living in the moment and enjoying each stage of my life. Are there people who are good at that? (Please say no.) I want to be able to, at the very least, be present, instead of always rushing through this thing so I can get to that thing. I'm like a mouse in a maze and all I can think about is getting to the cheese at the end. Lately though, I feel like I run into the walls A LOT.

I should be doing homework right now. I should ALWAYS be doing homework. I keep waking up in the middle of the night wondering how I got to be such a crank. I'm so worried about what needs to be done, running from thing to thing, that I'm "in a state" 90% of the time. Bless my heart. A couple of times last week I laughed loud and hard about something and it caught me off guard. I'm pretty sure I used to be more fun.


My late night conversations with myself have convinced me that there must be a way for me to do all of the things I'm doing, but be balanced, and fun for crying out loud. If you can't be fun what's the point?? If I had to describe myself I would say optimistic and happy, curious, loving, sarcastically funny, and nervous in a way that is debilitating at times. These days though the nervous beating out all of the other stuff and the sarcasm has turned bitter and I don't like it. Not one little bit.

Here's to spilling my guts and getting back on track.

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