Tuesday, August 20, 2013

What keeps you up at night?

Our son wants to play football. Inside I'm screaming NOOOO! Outside I'm saying that's a big commitment. My husband thinks it's great. His parents never allowed him to play, he was small and they were afraid he would get hurt. He doesn't want to be the reason our boy never gets to do what he wants to do. He's a little bit of a sucker that way. I'm against it, I think it's dangerous and I hate the way lots of sports people behave. I realize this is a stereotype and I'm making blanket statements and that not all athletes and their parents are crazed fanatics, but some are. Enough are. And I don't like it. Sue me.

We have this cat, she's 19. I'm not even making that up. She's old. She probably lived with the Pharaohs before we got her. For her age she's pretty healthy. She sleeps a lot and she's blind in one eye, other than that no problems...except...she will only pee in the litter box. She does her other business on the bathroom floor. Every morning we wake up to, you know... It's irritating and smelly, but it's not the end of the world. My husband is ready to have her put to sleep. 3 days a week I feel the same for about 10 minutes, then I think, sigh, she's old, but she's not sick, isn't it wrong to kill her because we don't want to clean up after her anymore?

There are these boots that I really want. I've been eyeing them for over a year. They're more expensive than anything I would normally ever consider buying but I LOVE them, they're well made, and a classic style. The only other pair of boots I own I got for 20 bucks 10 years ago at a J.Crew sample sale. They're great and I still wear them, but they're black and the ones I'm coveting are brown, which would come in handy. I can't bring myself hit the buy now button because a.) they are not cheap and b.) I live in Arizona so it's not like I NEED boots. I can afford them in dollars, but I'm not sure I can spare the emotional energy for the guilt of overspending on shoes. (How can Oprah even stand to THINK of buying $40,000 handbags? I hope I'm never that wealthy.)

School started  yesterday and that scares the daylights out of me. Oh my gosh.

I've been watching The West Wing all summer, I'm on season 5 now. I love it but I'm worried that with school starting I won't have any time to watch TV at all and I'll never know, or at least not until the semester ends, how President Bartlett's second term works out.

In addition to not having time to watch TV I'm also worried I'm not going to have time to go to the gym or to write. I know that seems silly, but I've kind of gotten the hang of the running thing (a little bit anyway) and I hate to lose ground I've gained, and writing, either here or in my journal or just long rambling emails, kind of keeps me sane. I'm afraid without those two things I'll get sad and cranky, which, seriously, are two things I absolutely do not have time for.

Sunday, August 18, 2013

Everything's going to be just fine......right?

I don't like change. It terrifies me. (Did you read that whole thing about the grocery store? Yeah.) Yet I crave it constantly. ALL THE TIME. I love it and I hate it. I want something new and exciting to happen...unless it involves relocating the cereal aisle, then I'm out.

I know, this makes no sense. Hang on, there's a whole lot more of that coming right up.

I have a list of things I want/need to do with/for/to myself. It's a LONG list. Nearly everything on the list requires stepping out of my comfort zones. That's normal, right? What need would there be of a list of things that are easy to do?

Change is a risk. Like jumping off a cliff. I spend days (months, years) talking myself into things, then one day I just do it. There's no easing in, just running as fast as I can and jumping into the icy cold water below. And I'm petrified the whole time. Until I land and realize that it wasn't that bad. Kind of fun even. Oh, and look at me!! I did something scary and I didn't die!! Then of course I kick myself for waiting so long and being such a chicken because I could have been jumping into the water and having fun with my friends all day instead of sitting off to the side watching.

That's my life. I get scared and worry, then finally act and regret not doing it sooner. Being in my head is just as much fun as it seems like it would be.

Blah, blah, cryptic I hate/love/laugh in the face of change.

Going back to school is/was/shall continue to be a huge leap for me. I don't do anything until I've beat it to a pulp in my brain and worn it out in conversation with those poor souls unfortunate enough to find themselves anywhere within the sound of my voice. I'm sorry y'all.

If it's any consolation, what comes out is a fraction of what's going on inside.

A few days ago I looked at the syllabus for one of the classes I'm taking this fall and instantly I felt like I was going to vomit. Like what ON EARTH am I thinking going back to school? This is going to be a disaster. I'm scared to death. Then I looked at the syllabus for another class and my anxiety doubled, which doesn't even seem possible. Even though I took a couple of classes over the summer this feels like the real beginning because it's full time. Five classes. Ugh.

I'm excited to be going to school and I feel certain that it's the right thing for me to be doing, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have a heart attack before it's all said and done. Classes start bright and early tomorrow morning.

I need to go throw up.

Friday, August 16, 2013

New is not always better, that's all I'm trying to say. Really.

Our grocery store is being remodeled and I'm not very happy about it.

I don't understand the need to remodel in the first place. There was nothing wrong with our store. Have they never heard the phrase, "if it's not broke don't fix it"? This is how societies fall apart...people start thinking their grocery stores need a face lift every 20 years, next thing you know we're living in chaos and there are zombies around every corner. It's a slippery slope.

I can't find anything. It's driving me insane. I go in thinking I'll just grab one thing but it's not where I left it and before you know it I've loaded my cart with a bunch of junk I didn't plan to buy and I STILL haven't found what I came for except I don't remember that unfortunate fact until I get home because I'm so disoriented by the idea that the powers that be have decided that my perfectly good supermarket needs a sushi bar.

My husband, as it would happen, works for the company overseeing the remodel. This has turned out NOT to be helpful in any way.

Well, that's not entirely true, there's the minor detail of his job remodeling grocery stores allows me to be able to afford groceries in the first place. But the fact that he's EXCITED about the sushi bar and he thinks I'm crazy for not being excited about the sushi bar cancels that out. He keeps telling me that most everything is in the same place it's always been. Which is a LIE.

It does however come in handy having him there on the days when I just can't bring myself to shop for food. I don't love grocery shopping to begin with, so, as you can imagine, this remodeling business is making it nearly impossible for me. Luckily I can just text him a list of what I need and he brings it home at the end of the day. It's like having a delivery service that I don't have to pay for, unless you count all of the extra condiments he buys, in that case, I'm totally paying for it. (I cannot for the life of me understand why there are so many varieties of mustard, much less why he feels like he needs to try every single one. It's an X-file.)

Anyway, I tell you this mostly to get it off my chest, but also so you will understand if I come by your house to borrow dinner because I wasn't up to the challenge of trying to track down ingredients in this mess. ~

It's madness.

Thursday, August 8, 2013

You win some, others, eh, not so much.

News falls into two categories for me lately, good and not so good.

There always seems to be lots more in the not so good column. Today I saw this item telling us that our government is reading VAST amounts of our text messages and emails. My standard response to this type of thing is "Let them. I've got nothing to hide." But this morning I had an impulse to start texting PTO secrets or something. 

Of course that would be very hard for me to do considering I have not been part of a PTO presidency in some 6 or 7 years and all of my PTO dirt would likely be considered old news. 

Sadly, if you can believe it, there is news worse than government goons reading my texts...

And if the initial testing goes well, soon you will be able to get your hands on one at a Taco Bell near you. Naturally you will have the option of using syrup instead of hot sauce, of course, if you're going to get crazy and eat a taco waffle, you may as well go all in and use both, right?

Alas, it's not all busy bodies and bad breakfast ideas, The Avette Brothers are releasing a CD in October and NPR has a little preview. RIGHT HERE. I call that good news. 

Well, that's it.

Summer vacation is over. Just like that. Is it my imagination...did summer vacation used to be longer? Our kids get out of school towards the end of May and they go back at the beginning of August. It's too short.

I know some people like to have their kids in school but I've never been one of them.

Education. Who needs it?

Just kidding.

I like having them around the house, even on the days I want to kill them. Now it's too quiet. Of course, it's been getting quieter all the time anyway, since 2/5ths of my kids don't even LIVE here anymore. (Which by the way, the whole growing up and moving out thing? Super rude.)

Anyway, Eli and Ivy went to school yesterday. I was nervous for them, it's Eli's first year at the high school and Ivy has had a little girl drama with one of her friends lately, and for reals, you NEVER know how that junk is gonna shake out, but they both came home super happy. They love their teachers and their classes and all is well in girlville....for now. I know it's only the first day, and it can't be all good times all the time, but it's nice to have them come home smiling once in a while.