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Thursday, May 30, 2013

Just like that, I'm a college student

It's official, school is in session, English 101 started on Tuesday and I really ought to be doing homework instead of blogging. But honestly, when do I ever do what I ought to do?

I knew there was going to be essay writing required so I spent the weekend finishing David Sedaris' new book, you know, to get some tips.  I figured it couldn't hurt, but to tell you the truth, it doesn't really look like it's going to help either. The list of essay types on the syllabus does not include sarcastic reflections. Go figure.

As I was getting ready for class I really felt sick. You know how I get.  I was so nervous that I'd almost convinced myself to take the low road and stay stupid for the rest of my life. Who needs knowledge if you're going to have to venture out of your comfort zone to get it, right?  Exactimundo buddy! Lucky for me when I decided to go back to school somehow I convinced my good friend Lori to go with me, one of the best things I ever did, for several reasons, not the least of which is that I knew I couldn't stay home because she was waiting for me to pick her up which meant, A. I didn't have to go alone and B. someone to share flash drives with. (JUST KIDDING ENGLISH TEACHER!!! We would NEVER EVER do something like that!! Ever!)

I don't want to say too much about my classmates, after the Jury Duty Fiasco of 2011, I would hate to get kicked out of school so soon. Besides, it was only the first night, I bet those guys will all turn out to be perfectly loverly and normal. I will, however mention this....... The youth of today is about a million times more confident than I have ever been in my life, with seemingly less reason than you could possibly imagine. On the way home from class I told Lori that the only explanation I can think of is the practice of "Trophies All Around!!" Yep, you spend 18 years telling kids they're amazing when really they're just average, and you're gonna end up with a whole lot of overly confident young adults. Young adults who plan on ruling the world just as soon as they master the art to the compare and contrast essay.

Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Anyway, now I have to write 20 paragraphs about myself and naturally I cannot think of one interesting story. I, sadly, am not part of the "everyone's a winner" generation. I feel quite cheated.

Thursday, May 23, 2013

For you. A list of terribly interesting things.

So much is going on, I'd love to write about all of it, but alas time constraints and my desire to keep certain relationships in tact don't allow for all to be revealed at this time. That's ok. Here's a list of things I can/will say. Enjoy~

1. Today is the last day of school, which stirs up all sorts of emotions, I took a vote (in my head) and relief is the biggest thing I'm feeling this year. Let's hear it for graduation!!

2. I can hardly stand to look at the news these days. I can't decide if things are rottener or I'm more sensitive, either way I'm looking into making The Daily Show my homepage. If I'm going to have to look at the news every time I open the internet at least I should be able to get Jon Stewart's spin on things, right?

3. If I were 20 years younger and 20 pounds lighter I would be all over these Star Wars leggings.  I saw a girl wearing them at the grocery store last week and I knew immediately we could have been best friends, you know, 20 years ago. Except I'm sure she was a toddler 20 years ago. Anyway, I went straight home and Googled them. You can get yo self some here. They have a whole line of skin tight Star Wars wear, it's a fantastic tribute to the force. As I'm sure you can imagine.

4. My brother has been growing a "beard" for a few months now, maybe longer, I don't pay too much attention. He carries a little comb around in his back pocket, not unlike the comb I carried in my back pocket in the 6th grade to re-feather my bangs periodically throughout the day. Sometimes we'll be just talking, regular stuff (or as regular as it gets with someone who calls you once a day to say "You ain't gonna believe what I'm lookin' at!" Which ranges from pink poodles in shopping malls to the bumper sticker of the day to two headed circus freaks in Circle K.) when all of the sudden!! he will pull out his comb and start running it through his beard. He does this with zero break in conversation. He's a funny man. Truly.

5. Our neighbor has a front yard garden. Last year it was just corn and sunflowers, but this year he's expanded it so it takes up almost the entire front yard and looks to have quite the variety of produce growing. I think I've mentioned before that we have a chihuahua problem in our neighborhood. They roam in packs or 3 or more acting like they own the streets. It's quite the sight. Chilling even. Last week I asked my husband if he thought our neighbor had any problem keeping the chihuahuas out of his garden. You know, the way some people have trouble with deer and rabbits. Which led me to wonder what sorts of things chihuahuas would eat from a garden.....jalepenos? Cilantro? 

6. Then on the way home from church Sunday I saw this lost dog sign and I had to take a picture. It struck me as both hilarious as well as touchingly detailed. The second doggy face in the background? The wood grain on the doghouse? The accuracy of the nipples? I have not been able to stop laughing. I hope they find their pooch. Especially since she has a bad leg.

{Click on the picture to see it ALL of the details. You won't regret it.}

7. Oh how I wish I had time to write about Mad Men, cause, seriously? What the?! And Call the Midwife, do you watch? Did you Sunday? It was very emotional.

8. I'm ashamed to admit this, despite strong recommendations from friends and family, I never really got into Arrested Development. I watched a few episodes here and there but I wasn't devoted. Well..... last week I heard that the new season is going to be released on Netflix, and decided to give the series another try. All I can say is, "What is wrong with me?!" How was I not a devoted fan before?

Wednesday, May 8, 2013

I think I need this.

Seriously.
also.....
It's my mom's birthday today.....

Happy Birthday Mom! I love you!!

Tuesday, May 7, 2013

That was some weekend.

I tell you what. We got CRAZY!!

Well, crazy for us. I meant to tell you about it sooner, like yesterday, but you know, life and whatnot got in the way. Better late than never, right?
On Friday we went to a real live rock and roll concert with wristbands and everything. I KNOW!
My friend's son is in a band and they just happened to be going on stage early enough that I didn't think I'd fall asleep in the audience.
I've done that before, it's embarrassing. 

Not this time though, I stayed awake and it was awesome. 
I'm not just saying that because I carpool with a couple of the band members.
The only downside was the total confirmation of our agedness. The club they played in is in downtown Phoenix. Lots of one way streets and very little parking. The only lots close by all had signs posted saying they were private and we would be towed if we parked without a parking permit of one kind or another. Young us would have just parked anywhere and figured we'd deal with the tow situation when and if it happened. Old us was not feeling so reckless, we drove around (up and down narrow one way streets in an unfamiliar neighborhood) for 20 minutes trying to find a well lit parking meter. Finally time was running out and we didn't want to miss the show so we decided to park in the YMCA lot and hope for the best.



(this video is NOT from the concert)
When the show was over we raced walked back to our car, which fortunately had not been towed yet. But from the looks of the Segway riding parking lot guard we were just in the nick of time. Whew! I tell you what. Living on the edge is not as much fun as it used to be.

Saturday night we, along with everyone else in town, went to watch Robert Downey Jr. save the world. I'm starting to think my need to have a good seat at the movies is getting out of hand. We arrived an hour early for the 7:20 show, but upon learning that 75% of the seats were sold I insisted on waiting for the 8:30 show. I don't even know what to say besides where I sit is an important part of the experience for me. My husband is very sweet about it. Probably because as long as he humors my theater anxiety I let him pick where we eat every time we go out.

Sunday I made a big ol' pan of fried rice to celebrate Cinco de Mayo, then I watched Call the Midwife and went to bed. Mexican independence at its finest.

My life is truly so exciting. I can't even imagine the envy you must be feeling right about now. 

Thursday, May 2, 2013

Some stuff, in no particular order.

Sorry about yesterday, boy that was one big whiny rant, eh? You know, I want to be one of those people who doesn't care what other people say to or about them, and I'm trying to be, but I'm weak and I'm not there yet. Also, I'm tired lately, just so damn tired. I always seem to have a headache of one sort or another, either the literal kind or the kind where you've told too many people you would do too many things and now...holy hell...your head might explode. That's sort of what happened with yesterday's post. My head kind of exploded all over the keyboard.

I finally ordered graduation announcements this morning. I didn't mean to put it off until the last minute, it just worked out that way. I'm having a hard time getting my head around the fact that it's May already. What the heck?

Last night our son went to his very first concert. When he came home from school yesterday he told me his friend had an extra ticket to the Prince (is he back to using his old name again?) concert and they figured they should go since it was a once in a lifetime opportunity. He didn't really explain what he meant by "once in a lifetime", I can only assume that he means you never know when the purple rain is going to fall again so you have to get it while it's hot. This morning I asked him how it was and he said, "It was awesome! Except there were lots of old people, and they were trying to dance and stuff. I just wanted to say, don't forget, you're not 18 anymore. It was embarrassing."

Upon further prodding I learned that those "old" people were about my age.

I've never been interested in going to a spa and being exfoliated and massaged. I'm not a fan of the massage. (I'm weird, ok? Don't act like you didn't already know that.) However, for some reason it's sounding really good lately. I might even be down with one of those facial peel things that takes 10 years off your face by removing the top 10 layers of skin. I just realized it might sound like I want to be younger because my son made fun of the old people at the Prince concert, please let me assure you that has nothing to do with it. I've been wanting to look younger since last week when I noticed all of the age spots on the driver's side of my face and neck. Stupid Arizona sun.

Speaking of getting a little sun. On Saturday I decided to cut the grass. In the way of hearing protection I was using my ipod. Sadly, this form of protection offers little protection to the neighbors who, my daughter informed me, could hear me singing along over the roar of the mower. And that's how the whole neighborhood got to hear my versions of Family Tradition and Like a Virgin.  I don't even know what to say about that, except, at least I wasn't dancing.

Wednesday, May 1, 2013

If you can't say something nice.......



Listen, I don't want you to feel bad or anything, but I need to get something off my chest.

The other day when we were talking about my plans to go back to school, and you asked me what kind of degree I was considering and I told you social work and then you said ~ there's no money in that / your friend was a social worker for a while but he really hated it and now he's a bartender and he LOVES it / I think it would be so depressing being a social worker / don't you think you're a little old to be getting started in a career like that?~ I really wanted to punch you and then go have a good cry, but I didn't. You're lucky, I've been working on my arms at the gym so it probably would have hurt if I had punched you.

Look, I don't expect anyone to be my cheerleader and I don't expect people to lie and tell me something is so wonderful when they might not think it is, but I DO expect people to use common sense and decent manners when they're in public. If we were close friends and I asked for your honest input and you really felt like I was making a huge mistake because I'm too old to go to school for such a depressing unprofitable job, certainly I would expect you to tell me that. Then I would expect you to understand if I never had time to go to lunch with you again.

Just kidding!

Do you really think I don't know it's going to be hard and that I am old? Those things scare the crap out of me, but if you know me at all you know that I don't have the common sense to back away from difficult things and money is not really a motivator for me. Although I may appear outwardly shallow, inside of me lives an idealistic flower child who wears beads and braids and believes that as a human being I have an obligation to do all I can to help my fellow man. I'm more afraid of getting to the end of my life and knowing that I could have done more than I am of having my self esteem beat down further by going to college with a bunch of young smart kids and getting a job that doesn't make any money.

PS~Most people have been very kind and enthusiastic when I tell them about my mid-life crisis, which I greatly appreciate. And if you are in my carpool this post is not directed at you, contrary to appearances, I CAN take a joke. The people this post is intended for probably do not read this blog. 

And that's fine with me.

 
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