Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Out with the old.....

As we close out the year there are a few things I need to say, you know, so we can start 2014 with a clean slate and all.

1. During the last 5 days I have left my house....in my car, not just like, to get the mail or something... wearing both of these ensembles. I don't even know what to say, besides my feet get cold and the people who live in places with actual weather are super lucky I don't live there. I don't even want to think about where this could go if I had to think about water/snow proofing.

Yes, those ARE thermal pajama bottoms covered in glittery snowflakes, do you have some too?
 ~the socks on the right aren't so bad until you notice the turquoise peace signs on each ankle.~
2. This giant Justin Bieber is in my backyard and I don't know why. I woke up Saturday morning and he was here. Good grief.

 3. After the joy of Christmas wore off I took a look at my account balances and decided it would be prudent to take a break from buying stuff, just for a little while. Unfortunately, this morning I had to take a break from my break when I was forced to buy this shirt. I'm sure you can understand why....
Gophers....wearing wigs....saying "can't gopher that"....I HAD TO!!! They're Maneaters....they make my dreams come true.... It's the gift I didn't get for Christmas because I didn't know it existed and therefore could not know I wanted. 

 4. Kentucky beat Louisville on Saturday. That was a gift I DID know I wanted.

There you go. I feel much better now. 

Do you have big New Year's Eve plans? We usually stay home and go to bed early, but this year I'm feeling like I want to do something else. Not like hit the clubs or anything, just like maybe dinner and a movie. It's pretty likely that my urge to go out has something to do with the fact that I told Ivy she could have some friends over, meaning there is going to be a gaggle of teenage girls ringing in the new year with our giant Justin Beiber, and I'm feeling like I need to put a little distance between myself and that celebration.

Friday, December 27, 2013

Sometimes you're faced with a choice.....

A. Cry
B. Laugh
C. Take a pill so when you laugh it doesn't come out all forced and fake.

About a week ago as we were leaving our house to have our family pictures taken, I picked C. Which either makes me the worst mom ever, or most practical, I can't decide. Either way, turns out it was the best choice because, here's something you might not know, sometimes, teenagers are more difficult to photograph than toddlers, and if you don't take your anti-anxiety medication before the photo-shoot, you might end up physically harming someone, and the visual evidence of that NEVER makes for good Christmas cards.

Our photographer, in addition to being really good at the picture taking part, has a great sense of humor, loads of patience, and MAD photoshop skills, all of which came in handy when she was editing our pictures.

On Monday afternoon I got a text from her. 
It was this picture and it said, "I am switching a lot of heads over here."
 All of my holiday dreams nightmares were coming true. 
Turns out that was not the only shot of Nate using his photo ruining superpowers.
I spend a lot of time wondering where I went wrong. I see everyone's lovely families hanging on their walls and they're all smiling and sweet.... then there's our family. Year after year without fail one of our boys is making a goofy face in EVERY SINGLE PICTURE and I just end up picking the least goofy shot to hang on the wall. Mostly I've come to accept that it is what it is, but sometimes.....grrrrrr!

 In the end it all worked out this year. 
Mostly because our photographer is AMAZING!

 P.S.~ New Year's cards are on their way. Better late than never, right?

Friday, December 20, 2013

Well hey there blog...how you doin'?

When I woke up this morning I discovered that somehow during the night, probably while checking the time to see if I could squeeze in 10 more minutes before my alarm went off, I accidentally tried to Facetime my Granny. Fortunately I don't think my Granny even HAS a cell phone, and if she does I guarantee you it does NOT have the ability to Facetime. Thank heavens, because if the connection had been successful I would have been in for quite the talking to at 3 a.m.

So! The semester is over and I'm really looking forward to just doing my regular stuff for a few weeks. Who would have ever guessed that ONLY working 40 hours a week and trying to keep up with life and whatnot could feel like a vacation? I'd like to brag about my grades, but A. I'm not a bragger, and B. I've already been informed that community college is not REAL college and that I can take my A's that I earn there and add them to the B's and C's I get after I transfer to an actual university and see how things pan out. It reminds me of when I came home from the gym that time super excited to have run a long distance on the treadmill, and one of our kids overheard telling my husband and let me know that running on a treadmill is not the same as REALLY running. And that friends, is what family is for, no chance of anybody getting too big for their britches around here.

I leave you with this.......

It's a jar of dead scorpions that resides on my brother's back porch. Every time they kill one they put it in the jar for.........who knows. Not creepy AT ALL.

Thursday, November 14, 2013


I was thinking, there should be nightstand analysis. You know, similar to handwriting analysis, but better, more comprehensive. 

This is what my nightstand looks like~

Aftershock by Robert Reich
A People's History of the United States by Howard Zinn
The Mysteries of Pittsburgh by Michael Chabon
The War of Art by Steven Pressfield
The Long Road to Antietam by Richard Slotkin
and 2 Boden catalogs from 2012. Naturally.

Also... a bottle of Costco sleep aid, 4 small pads of post-it notes, 3 ink pens, two kinds of lotion and 5 pony holders.

What does all that say about me, besides the fact that I'm a sticky note hoarder?

Wednesday, November 13, 2013

I'm sure you've been wondering how I spend my free time.

My weekend was SUPER exciting. 
 I spent Friday evening reading about the economy.
You're jealous, I'm sure. It's just as uplifting as you are imagining. 
One laugh after another. 
Saturday I got up early and went to the gym, I haven't been getting there as often as I'd like so I was feeling really good about going...then...on the way home, well, I drove by the donut place, and well, I haven't been getting there as often as I'd like either. Counter productive I know, but what are you gonna do?
After my nutrious breakfast I has some errands to run. That's when I came across this gem at Costo. Call me crazy but something about a Last Supper scene created from Legos doesn't seem "right". Am I over thinking it?
Also, there's a Holy Ghost Lego guy... 
He's not exactly what I expected. It kind bringsThe Great Pumpkin to mind if you ask me. 
Costco wasn't the only place with interesting stuff. 
Michael's has a wide selection of pet products, including Pet Perfume. Which is not, like, a super bad idea, I've been around a few dogs in my day who could use freshening up. (I don't know if you can tell from the picture, but the perfumes allegedly smell like popular human scents. AWESOME! You and your dog can wear complimentary colognes!!)
That's about it, except for on Saturday evening we went out with some friends and saw All is Lost. Good holy cow. I don't even know what to say....except save your money. I really wanted to like it, but bless the hearts of everyone involved, it just didn't grab me.

Tuesday, November 5, 2013

Brown paper packages and all that jazz

I don't have a lot of favorite things. There are things that I like quite a bit, and when I discover something new (or new to me) I for sure have a tendency to rave on and on about it. But when asked about my favorite stuff I generally have a hard time pinning anything down. I don't have a favorite restaurant, or song, or even book. I have lots of things that I like a lot, but for most of the time there's not a clear front-runner. Sometimes I feel like a weirdo, because EVERYONE has favorites except me. What's up with that?

This morning though, I looked at the calendar and realized that November is definitely one of my favorite things. The weather is (finally) turning cooler and I can wear sweaters, which I love to do, just not enough to move somewhere truly sweater friendly. I love Thanksgiving and the anticipation of Christmas (which I think I prefer to actual Christmas. Anticipation is lovely, don't you think?). November is also perfect for hot drinks and hot breakfasts. Neither of which are things I personally enjoy, but I like the idea of sending my family out the door after serving them a satisfying bowl of warm (mushy) oatmeal and a big steaming mug of hot chocolate. Not that I really DO that, but the idea of it makes me feel very cozy. And finally, the best part of November is that I can listen to Christmas music all day long if I want to. I mean, technically, I'm an adult who CAN listen anytime she wants all year long, but the ridicule from friends and family shames me into saving it for November.

Now instead of feeling like a weirdo who has no favorites I can worry about being the only weirdo who doesn't like oatmeal.

Wednesday, October 30, 2013

Coming up with a catchy title is not happening today.

I know I'm not a champion blogger these days. Eh. It is what it is, right? The worst part about not blogging is that I really do use this as my journal (my very public humiliating journal, what kind of a weirdo am I?) and all kinds of things are going on that I don't want to forget, and I'm POSTIVE if I don't write them down I'm going to forget them, my brain is way overloaded with things to remember these days.

Almost every night I have these crazy school related dreams. A few weeks ago I went to see Captain Phillips, that night I dreamt that Somali pirates were forcing me to graph things in slope intercept form. Over and over and OVER. The pressure and panic I felt in my dream was pretty much exactly like the pressure and panic I feel everyday doing math.

But, believe it or not, math is not the worst part of being a student. The worst things about going to school are.~

1. Getting out of bed. The actual getting OUT of the bed is not the problem, I'm a morning person and can't sleep past 7:30 even if I'm really really trying to sleep in. On a regular day I'm up by 5:30 or so. BUT now, EVERY SINGLE MORNING my alarm goes off at 5:15. Something about being FORCED out of bed.... You know what I'm sayin'? Ugh.

2.  Getting dressed. If it weren't bad enough that I'm being awakened violently by the gentle trilling of the alarm on my phone, I also have to get dressed. Maybe this makes it sound like before I started school I was just running around nude all day. I assure you this is NOT the case. However, because I work from home I did spend most everyday wearing my pajamas until I changed into my workout clothes or shorts and an old P.E. t-shirt from my kid's jr. high. But NO MORE! Now that I'm going out into the world I have to wear something presentable and adult-like. Ugh. It's exhausting figuring out what to wear everyday. Once I read about this woman who just had like 7 of the same shirts and 7 of the same pants and that's what she wore all the time. That's starting to sound pretty good to me.

3.  Wearing make-up. Holy cow! Have I ever mentioned how much I hate wearing make-up? Well, I do, I hate it. But now that I'm old I NEED it. Otherwise people ask me all day if I'm feeling okay because I look so tired. (Note~This is not an okay thing to ask people, k?) To my horror TWICE in the last 5 days I have gotten in a rush and forgotten to finish my make-up and have gone out (once to CHURCH!) without mascara and only half of my eye-shadow. Apparently, the eye make-up portion of my routine is when I take a break from the mirror and am so susceptible to distraction that I don't make it back to finish the deal. "This is no bueno. Sorry if you had to talk to me and you were forced to decide whether to ask me if I was ill or just look away.

4. Making dinner. I'd love to pretend that before school started I was a master dinner planner/maker, but that would be a big ol' lie. I'm sad to report that things took a turn for the really not healthy last night when our dinner consisted of Spagetti-Os, salad, garlic toast and a large bag of bbq potato chips. I have no excuse. I was determined not to order pizza again and ended up someplace far far worse than take-out.

PS~Tomorrow for Halloween I have to dress up as Mrs. PotatoHead for a work party. Can things get any better? Ha! I think NOT!

Thursday, October 17, 2013

What? A post that's NOT about school?!

Last weekend we took a quick trip to California. First we went to San Diego to see Wes, he's stationed on Coronado Island.
 We were able to stay in the Navy Lodge, which I must say is one lovey perk of having your child in the Navy. 
 Here's a great picture of Wesley. 
Sylvan took it.
With his phone.
Ah, technology.
 Because of the government shut down there were no rules on base so we were allowed to roam freely all over the Wesley's ship. Just kidding! There were TONS of rules, enforced very competent security in the form of U.S. Navy sailors. They were very nice, but strict, we weren't even allowed to wear sandals on board, you know, in case an anchor landed on our feet or something. We also weren't allowed to take photos of anything important. Something about national security or some mumbo jumbo.

Our tour was basically us walking around this giant ship (it's an aircraft carrier) while Wesley said things like, "behind that door we make ......"
 or "down there is where the magic happens." He never said if it was the kind of magic involving wands and spells, or if it was just card tricks. The point is, we were not permitted behind the doors, however, we were permitted to take pictures of the doors.
 So we did. 
This one is painted with an interesting mural that I'm positive represents the business taking place on the other side.
I didn't care that much about not seeing behind the doors because I was so distracted by all of the shiny copper and brass everywhere. I could not stop thinking about the poor guy whose job it must be to keep it all looking so sparkly and free of fingerprints. Bless his heart.
 Here are some of us frolicking on the beach.
 Here are some of us in a rare moment of having fun and loving each other.
 Here is one of us having the travel breakfast of champions while making the entire car stink of fake hickory smoke.
 Here is the one and only picture I took at Six Flags, from the parking lot, because I am a horrible mother who was more interested in riding roller coasters than capturing memories. 
Sorry kids.

That's it. We had fun, it was great having all of our kids with us, you'll just have to take my word for it that they were all there since I failed to properly document it with photos. They were ALL there and they ALL had fun. Even Sylvan who rode the Drop of Doom twice with Ivy.

Tuesday, October 1, 2013

Yep. Another one of THOSE posts.

Warning~There's no theme to this post. I should probably change the name of the blog to Here Lie My 
Incoherent Thoughts. Enjoy.

My brain is spread pretty thin these days, I suppose it will be for the next few years. Which is great. For reals. I love being in school. It's pretty dorky how much I like learning stuff. Even dumb stuff. School is good, but it I'm definitely seeing my anxious tendencies amplified. Yesterday I had a math test that I was super stressed about (the grades of which have STILL not been posted...24 hours later...What up with that math teacher?!), math is so so hard for me. I just DO NOT GET IT, anyway, I was so worried all weekend and all morning yesterday, that when I got home I had a little breakdown and sobbed for like 20 minutes. 20 MINUTES! It was kind of embarrassing.

Today I have a Spanish test, you can just fill in the rest of this paragraph with all of those sentences I wrote up there about the math. GAH!! Spanish!! Aye carumba!

The other day I wore something that I had gotten on sale and I could not remember what I had actually paid for it. I knew the original price and the sale price and amount I told my husband it cost (Now there's a math problem for ya.), but they were all jumbled up in my head and I could not for the life of me remember what it really cost. That ever happen to you? Probably not.

I was going to post some pictures for my mom, but I've used up the 10 minutes I gave myself to blog writing about nonsense, like that's anything new. So, mom, you'll just have to take my word for it that everything is fine here and the children are still alive and (mostly) happy. I'll try to post those pictures in a few weeks days.

Hey! I have to write a paper about something interesting that happened in Arizona's past. I'd LOVE to hear your suggestions!!(Don't say Tombstone. JUST. DON'T. I'm serious.)

(I don't have time to proof read this or edit, so, you know, sorry about the grammar and punctuation and whatnot. You get what you get.)

Tuesday, September 10, 2013

Not even really an update, mostly just babbling...

¡Hola amigos! As impressive as I'm sure that looks, that's about as good as it gets in the Spanish department. Trying to learn a second language at this point in my life is proving terribly un-fun.

There are tons of things going on that I want to write about but by the time I finish working and studying I can hardly stand to sit at the desk another minute, besides, I like to imagine my children want to spend a little bit of time with me. Even if they seem perfectly happy to have me out of the way. So for the time being it's looking like things will be thin in the blog department.

I did find time to buy some boots. Not that you care, nor should you. Either way they are amazing and hopefully the vain joy I feel every time I wear them will cancel out the shopper's guilt I'll feel for spending so much on shoes.

There are some funny characters in my classes, I'd love to write about them but it seems mean spirited. (Look how mature college is making me!!) Lets just say no matter how how you try, not everyone was meant to do magic..er illusions..and if you ever find yourself wondering if you talk to much, you probably do. This I know from personal experience. The talking, not the magic.

Tuesday, August 20, 2013

What keeps you up at night?

Our son wants to play football. Inside I'm screaming NOOOO! Outside I'm saying that's a big commitment. My husband thinks it's great. His parents never allowed him to play, he was small and they were afraid he would get hurt. He doesn't want to be the reason our boy never gets to do what he wants to do. He's a little bit of a sucker that way. I'm against it, I think it's dangerous and I hate the way lots of sports people behave. I realize this is a stereotype and I'm making blanket statements and that not all athletes and their parents are crazed fanatics, but some are. Enough are. And I don't like it. Sue me.

We have this cat, she's 19. I'm not even making that up. She's old. She probably lived with the Pharaohs before we got her. For her age she's pretty healthy. She sleeps a lot and she's blind in one eye, other than that no problems...except...she will only pee in the litter box. She does her other business on the bathroom floor. Every morning we wake up to, you know... It's irritating and smelly, but it's not the end of the world. My husband is ready to have her put to sleep. 3 days a week I feel the same for about 10 minutes, then I think, sigh, she's old, but she's not sick, isn't it wrong to kill her because we don't want to clean up after her anymore?

There are these boots that I really want. I've been eyeing them for over a year. They're more expensive than anything I would normally ever consider buying but I LOVE them, they're well made, and a classic style. The only other pair of boots I own I got for 20 bucks 10 years ago at a J.Crew sample sale. They're great and I still wear them, but they're black and the ones I'm coveting are brown, which would come in handy. I can't bring myself hit the buy now button because a.) they are not cheap and b.) I live in Arizona so it's not like I NEED boots. I can afford them in dollars, but I'm not sure I can spare the emotional energy for the guilt of overspending on shoes. (How can Oprah even stand to THINK of buying $40,000 handbags? I hope I'm never that wealthy.)

School started  yesterday and that scares the daylights out of me. Oh my gosh.

I've been watching The West Wing all summer, I'm on season 5 now. I love it but I'm worried that with school starting I won't have any time to watch TV at all and I'll never know, or at least not until the semester ends, how President Bartlett's second term works out.

In addition to not having time to watch TV I'm also worried I'm not going to have time to go to the gym or to write. I know that seems silly, but I've kind of gotten the hang of the running thing (a little bit anyway) and I hate to lose ground I've gained, and writing, either here or in my journal or just long rambling emails, kind of keeps me sane. I'm afraid without those two things I'll get sad and cranky, which, seriously, are two things I absolutely do not have time for.

Sunday, August 18, 2013

Everything's going to be just fine......right?

I don't like change. It terrifies me. (Did you read that whole thing about the grocery store? Yeah.) Yet I crave it constantly. ALL THE TIME. I love it and I hate it. I want something new and exciting to happen...unless it involves relocating the cereal aisle, then I'm out.

I know, this makes no sense. Hang on, there's a whole lot more of that coming right up.

I have a list of things I want/need to do with/for/to myself. It's a LONG list. Nearly everything on the list requires stepping out of my comfort zones. That's normal, right? What need would there be of a list of things that are easy to do?

Change is a risk. Like jumping off a cliff. I spend days (months, years) talking myself into things, then one day I just do it. There's no easing in, just running as fast as I can and jumping into the icy cold water below. And I'm petrified the whole time. Until I land and realize that it wasn't that bad. Kind of fun even. Oh, and look at me!! I did something scary and I didn't die!! Then of course I kick myself for waiting so long and being such a chicken because I could have been jumping into the water and having fun with my friends all day instead of sitting off to the side watching.

That's my life. I get scared and worry, then finally act and regret not doing it sooner. Being in my head is just as much fun as it seems like it would be.

Blah, blah, cryptic I hate/love/laugh in the face of change.

Going back to school is/was/shall continue to be a huge leap for me. I don't do anything until I've beat it to a pulp in my brain and worn it out in conversation with those poor souls unfortunate enough to find themselves anywhere within the sound of my voice. I'm sorry y'all.

If it's any consolation, what comes out is a fraction of what's going on inside.

A few days ago I looked at the syllabus for one of the classes I'm taking this fall and instantly I felt like I was going to vomit. Like what ON EARTH am I thinking going back to school? This is going to be a disaster. I'm scared to death. Then I looked at the syllabus for another class and my anxiety doubled, which doesn't even seem possible. Even though I took a couple of classes over the summer this feels like the real beginning because it's full time. Five classes. Ugh.

I'm excited to be going to school and I feel certain that it's the right thing for me to be doing, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have a heart attack before it's all said and done. Classes start bright and early tomorrow morning.

I need to go throw up.

Friday, August 16, 2013

New is not always better, that's all I'm trying to say. Really.

Our grocery store is being remodeled and I'm not very happy about it.

I don't understand the need to remodel in the first place. There was nothing wrong with our store. Have they never heard the phrase, "if it's not broke don't fix it"? This is how societies fall apart...people start thinking their grocery stores need a face lift every 20 years, next thing you know we're living in chaos and there are zombies around every corner. It's a slippery slope.

I can't find anything. It's driving me insane. I go in thinking I'll just grab one thing but it's not where I left it and before you know it I've loaded my cart with a bunch of junk I didn't plan to buy and I STILL haven't found what I came for except I don't remember that unfortunate fact until I get home because I'm so disoriented by the idea that the powers that be have decided that my perfectly good supermarket needs a sushi bar.

My husband, as it would happen, works for the company overseeing the remodel. This has turned out NOT to be helpful in any way.

Well, that's not entirely true, there's the minor detail of his job remodeling grocery stores allows me to be able to afford groceries in the first place. But the fact that he's EXCITED about the sushi bar and he thinks I'm crazy for not being excited about the sushi bar cancels that out. He keeps telling me that most everything is in the same place it's always been. Which is a LIE.

It does however come in handy having him there on the days when I just can't bring myself to shop for food. I don't love grocery shopping to begin with, so, as you can imagine, this remodeling business is making it nearly impossible for me. Luckily I can just text him a list of what I need and he brings it home at the end of the day. It's like having a delivery service that I don't have to pay for, unless you count all of the extra condiments he buys, in that case, I'm totally paying for it. (I cannot for the life of me understand why there are so many varieties of mustard, much less why he feels like he needs to try every single one. It's an X-file.)

Anyway, I tell you this mostly to get it off my chest, but also so you will understand if I come by your house to borrow dinner because I wasn't up to the challenge of trying to track down ingredients in this mess. ~

It's madness.

Thursday, August 8, 2013

You win some, others, eh, not so much.

News falls into two categories for me lately, good and not so good.

There always seems to be lots more in the not so good column. Today I saw this item telling us that our government is reading VAST amounts of our text messages and emails. My standard response to this type of thing is "Let them. I've got nothing to hide." But this morning I had an impulse to start texting PTO secrets or something. 

Of course that would be very hard for me to do considering I have not been part of a PTO presidency in some 6 or 7 years and all of my PTO dirt would likely be considered old news. 

Sadly, if you can believe it, there is news worse than government goons reading my texts...

And if the initial testing goes well, soon you will be able to get your hands on one at a Taco Bell near you. Naturally you will have the option of using syrup instead of hot sauce, of course, if you're going to get crazy and eat a taco waffle, you may as well go all in and use both, right?

Alas, it's not all busy bodies and bad breakfast ideas, The Avette Brothers are releasing a CD in October and NPR has a little preview. RIGHT HERE. I call that good news. 

Well, that's it.

Summer vacation is over. Just like that. Is it my imagination...did summer vacation used to be longer? Our kids get out of school towards the end of May and they go back at the beginning of August. It's too short.

I know some people like to have their kids in school but I've never been one of them.

Education. Who needs it?

Just kidding.

I like having them around the house, even on the days I want to kill them. Now it's too quiet. Of course, it's been getting quieter all the time anyway, since 2/5ths of my kids don't even LIVE here anymore. (Which by the way, the whole growing up and moving out thing? Super rude.)

Anyway, Eli and Ivy went to school yesterday. I was nervous for them, it's Eli's first year at the high school and Ivy has had a little girl drama with one of her friends lately, and for reals, you NEVER know how that junk is gonna shake out, but they both came home super happy. They love their teachers and their classes and all is well in girlville....for now. I know it's only the first day, and it can't be all good times all the time, but it's nice to have them come home smiling once in a while.

Friday, July 26, 2013

The hardest part is coming up with a title.

It's been almost 2 years since I started running

2 LONG years. 

During that time there have been periods when I felt ok about it, and many more periods when I wanted to die, or quit or just find something less, you know, runny, to do on my lunch breaks, but for some reason I've stuck with it. I don't know if it's because I'm stubborn and don't want to quit, or I'm lazy and don't want to have to find a different way of trying to keep from dying young. 

For the past 2 weeks I've felt like I'm finally getting the hang of it. I don't want to mess up my karma or anything, but it's almost been fun running lately. Have I lost my mind? (Please, my mind has been lost for so long, that's probably how I ended up running in the first place.)

Alas, this is not a post about me finally turning a corner and not hating to run, this is a post about determination. Will. Inner strength. The power to overcome. 

I wouldn't say I'm extremely competitive, but I am a little stitious....just kidding (superstitious, a little stitious? What? You don't watch The Office? Never mind...).  

I like to win, but not so much I'm going to throw chairs or anything if I don't. When I'm on the treadmill I like to "beat" the person next to me. Which is not such a hard thing to do at the Y, most of the time the person next to me is 80 years old and wearing a fishing cap and sandals. The other day I had an experience that truly tested my will to "win" the treadmill Olympics. 

The treadmill I used that day happened to be directly in front of one of the 4 TVs at the Y. Also, please note, this is an important detail, it was not crowded AT ALL. Maybe 10 people in the whole place. Plenty of TVs to go around, if you get what I'm saying.

So, I'm running along with my headphones in, listening to This American Life, like I do, when this guy comes over and uses "sign language" to ask me if I'm watching the TV. I tell him no and he goes to switch the channel. There's no browsing, this guy knows EXACTLY where he's going. That's right, it's time for Walker Texas Ranger. Y'all, I love me some Ira Glass, but before I knew it Chuck Norris had my full and undivided attention. I mean seriously, high kicking like that in those tight Wranglers? That guy is a national treasure. At one point he beat up 5 masked men..BY HIMSELF...then he just told them to get lost. He didn't even bother arresting them, I betcha it was because research has shown that gettin' yer butt kicked by Walker Texas Ranger is FAR better at deterring a man from a life of crime than years and years in prison. 

Right, so I'm running along, feeling pretty good, having a laugh or two at Chuck's expense, when out of the corner of my eye I see channel changer guy get on the treadmill 2 down from me. He's arranged a fan to blow on him, his TV is all set up, he's ready to roll. 

After not very long, I don't know, Chuck had time to beat up maybe 10 or 12 more bad guys, I notice there is some B.O. in the air. Look, it's the gym, I know everybody ain't gonna smell nice, but this was B.O. Not like I've been working out really hard for a long time, more like, I haven't showered in a couple of days and now I am on the treadmill 2 down from you with a fan blowing my stench in your direction. It was awful.

The old me, from last month, would have taken this as all the excuse she needed to pack up and call it a day. It was not a pleasant situation. But the new me was not ready to end her run, and dang it, there was no way I was letting some smelling guy who likes bad TV chase me out of town. There was no choice, I just kept running. I turned my head away when I needed to, I covered my nose with my shirt a couple of times, but by golly I finished my run. 

When I was done I went to grab a towel to wipe my sweat off the machine. I'm courteous like that. When I got back to my treadmill, 20 SECONDS LATER, B.O. guy was waiting there. He wondered if I was done. See, my treadmill was DIRECTLY in front of the TV, much more convenient for subtitle reading. 

It made me wonder if B.O. guy had known of his odious odor and purposely positioned that fan to blow his stink from him to me trying to force me out. 

Walker T. Ranger would have been proud of me for standing my ground, of course he would have been prouder if I'd high kicked that guy, but whatever. 

Finally, because it's the weekend and you maybe planning to see a movie...Last Saturday we saw World War Z. It's not the kind of thing I would normally watch, it was my son's birthday and he picked the movie...blah...blah 

HOLY CRAP! It wasn't creepy scary or zombie gross like I was expecting, it was however, INTENSE. Remember the last 10 minutes of Argo, when your heart was pounding and you were biting your hand and saying to yourself "JUST GET TO THE PLANE!" over and over? Well, World War Z is like the last 10 minutes of Argo, except for 2 HOURS! It was awful. But not the most awful I've ever seen. The best part for me was that the whole time, in addition to being on the edge of my seat worried that zombies were going to bite his kids, I kept wondering about Brad Pitt's haircut. I mean, really, what is up with that? But then there's a scene where the airplane he's traveling in breaks open and you see his hair whipping around violently and you get it. The bad hair makes that moment so much more than it would have been if his hair had been shorter, or long enough for a ponytail. It's just the right length for that scene. 

So, there you go, World War Z. Skip it. Or don't. How do I know what kind of movies you like?

Thursday, July 25, 2013

Things to do, books to read.

One of the hardest things about summer school was not having time to read for pleasure. I'm trying to make the most of the few weeks I have before the fall semester starts by reading my eyeballs out.

Here's my (very ambitious) reading list...
Last but not least, if I have time, Tell the Wolves I'm Home by Carol Rifka Brunt. 

Wednesday, July 24, 2013

You probably have better things to do than read this.

Right. So when I said that I'd write about the back to school shopping on Monday, I forgot that on Monday I would be having a root canal, on Tuesday (yesterday) our son had his wisdom teeth removed, and frankly, all that dentistry left me not feeling so much like writing about, well, anything really.

I HATE going to the dentist. Can I just tell you that before I talk about shopping? It's expensive, painful, and takes too long. The whole time I'm lying there in the chair being drilled and scraped and yanked on, my shoulders are getting tighter and tighter, and then it ends up costing me million of dollars. Seriously, I would think in this age of modern technology, at the very least they could come up with a way to make dental work go faster and be a little less painful/stressful. Sheesh.


So, I tired to write about the shopping, but it's just boring. We went shopping. It was pretty much what I expected. Expensive stores full of loud music and teenagers. My daughter informed me that I am too old to wear florescent pink. It was enlightening.

Lemme ask you something...While we were shopping I found a great pair of pants for myself at Gap. When I wore them to mutual one of the girls said she liked them and I said, "Thanks! I got them at the Gap." Then she started DYING laughing. "It's just GAP, not THE Gap." hahahaha!

What the? Am I the only one who remembers it being THE Gap? Why would Gap want go and drop the THE and make me look all old and whatnot in front of a bunch of teenagers?


Over the weekend I caught up on my magazine reading and finished watching season 3 of In Treatment. If you have not watched In Treatment I cannot imagine why. It's like eavesdropping on crazy people's therapy sessions and Gabriel Bryne is the therapist. What more do you need to know?

Wow, I just read this and it is ALL OVER THE PLACE, which is an accurate representation of my brain today. I wonder if I could get an appointment with Gabriel Bryne?  I don't care if he's not a real therapist. His voice is very soothing.

Friday, July 19, 2013

Lots of pictures, not too many details

Summer school is over and I can finally update the 3 of you who are dying to know what we've been up to. On Monday there will be a fabulous post about back to school shopping and other extremely interesting events, but for today here are some pictures.~

First, this one of Ivy just before we left for camp. It makes me happy and it distracts from the next picture.
While I was at camp Sylvan bought a mop bucket. A BIG mop bucket. He's wanted one forever and took advantage of my absence to bring one home. He's very happy. 
What are ya gonna do? At least it wasn't a puppy, right?

I may have posted this already, but it makes ME happy, so here we go again. Wesley came home for Father's Day and it was really great to see him. He also came home on the 4th. It's super fun to see your kids growing up and doing ok. (ugh. I probably just jinxed my whole life by saying that out loud on the internet.)
This was in our garage. IT'S A BLACK WIDOW!!!!
What the crap!!?
Eli was selected Jr. Lifeguard of the Year at the pool where he's volunteered the past two summers. He's a happy hardworking kid and we are super proud of him. 
I'm 3 weeks behind in my news reading. 
Yes, I understand this is all old news a this point, and as my sweet son told me yesterday, magazines are for people who don't have the internet (kids these days!), but I don't care, I'm going to spend the weekend reading magazines and watching hours and hours of The West Wing from 1999 because I DO NOT care about being modern. 

See ya Monday!