Monday, December 31, 2012

And so it has been confirmed (again) that I do not have a heart.

Friday night we went to see Les Miserables. I was super duper excited. Everyone I know who has seen it has loved it, several have reported crying from beginning to end. I even packed extra tissue. If anyone is going to cry at a movie (or during the Olympics, or at the grocery store, or....)it's going to be me. Good grief, I cried at Skyfall.

It turned out I was not moved to tears. Not even once. Not when the priest was so kind to Jean Valjean, not when he threw his papers to the wind, not when little Gavroche was killed, Anne Hathway almost had me towards the end of I Dreamed a Dream, but that's as close as I came. I don't know what's wrong with me. I've been looking forward to seeing this movie for months. I didn't hate it, I was even pretty impressed with Russel Crowe, I had no idea he could sing at all, and Hugh Jackman, well, I went to see that boxing robot movie on his behalf, so I guess you could call me a fan. This just felt, to me, like there wasn't much depth to it. Of course that could just be me trying to justify my way out of being a heartless depthless person myself.

Have you seen it? Did you love it? Do you have a heart and emotional depth, did you cry or did you sit there for 3 hours thinking that in a couple of weeks you would be seeing Zero Dark Thirty and all would be right in the cinema again?

Friday, December 28, 2012

I also really like crossing things off

I'm a list maker. The first thing I do every morning is sit down at my desk and make a list of things I need (want) to accomplish that day. List lover that I am, I was super excited when I came across The New Yorker's 100 Best Lists of All Time.

I especially found these interesting~

How to Keep Young

The Rock, Paper, Scissors Responsibility Code

Nixon's Enemies List (it was long)

Warren Buffet's "Investment Criteria Checklist"

The Scrabble 2 Letter Word List (could come in handy)

Thursday, December 20, 2012

And now a word from our sponsors.

I'm kidding!! I don't have any sponsors.

I just wanted to tell you about the awesomeness of Vat19.

You know Vat19 right? Purveyors of giant gummy bears and wooden neckties? Well, you might not know that they also happen to be the kings of customer service.

Remember the other day when I told you how the post office lost one of my packages? Yeah, well, they ended up being ZERO help. Thanks lady at the post office who promised to call me back but never did!! You are awesome! So much for the idea of having a reasonable expectation of actually having things delivered after you PAY for that very service. How silly of me!

I'm still a tch annoyed. Does it show?

In desperation, I emailed Vat19 and told them what had happened, mostly thinking maybe they would have more pull with the USPS than I did, you know, light a fire under them or something, BUT, instead of putting a hit out on my mailman (which, who knows, maybe they did, we didn't actually discuss recovery tactics), they offered to replace my entire order. At NO charge. And shipped it the same day. Whoa! Customer service that serves the customer, how novel.

So, the next time you're in the market for beer soap or a chameleon lamp you know where to go.

Thanks Vat19, for giving me some of my Christmas Spirit back!!

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

At least I don't have that stupid Chipmunk song stuck in my head.....oh wait......

I did it! The Christmas letter has been written, printed, and signed. I made sure to ruin everyone's holiday cheer by having all of my kids autograph each letter this morning before school.

I think it's important for us to bond over the torture of keeping in touch with our loved ones.

And now, because it's Christmas, and we should all be in misery, I give you, The Chipmunk's Christmas Song.

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Grinchy, Grinchy, Grinchmas. Bah.

I'm stalling. I gave myself a deadline to finish the damn Christmas letter before I go to bed tonight but I am so not feeling the annual stroll down memory lane this year.

In fact, I'm not really feeling Christmas at all. I mean, sure, I've had a few fleeting moments, like yesterday, when I almost ordered my nephew a Farrah onesie, that was kind of jolly, but mostly it's just blech.

*It's a hoot, right?*

This afternoon I wrote a really mean email to the United States Post Office and now I'm worried my mailman is going to be mad at me and his delivery service will get even worse, which is kind of hard to imagine. That's how the whole thing started. For the last couple of months we've had magazines that didn't show up and packages that didn't make it, even though the delivery conformation confirmed that there had indeed been a  delivery. The first couple of times this happened different neighbors brought us our misdelivered mail but today, TODAY, I checked the tracking number on a package and the delivery conformation showed that the package had been delivered a week ago. SEVEN DAYS AGO!!! That package contains gifts. Gifts for my husband and my son. Gifts that I can't even re-order and pay a gazillion dollars to get here by Christmas because they are OUT OF STOCK. I just lost it. I called my post office and they don't have it and they're gonna have "check on a couple of things" and call me back. I wasn't very satisfied after my call so I went on the USPS website and wrote a harsh complaint, I used almost all of the allowed 4000 characters, about 100 of them were exclamation marks. I know that in the grand scheme of things one little lost parcel is not the end of the world, but it sucked the last tiny bit of Christmas spirit out of me and I want to kick my mailman. And now I have nothing left for letter writing. Maybe I should just stick a note in the card and direct my loved ones near and far to this post. Of course that would require my Granny to understand how to use the internet and there'd be the whole explanation of what a blog is and, well, this is getting ridiculous. I gotta go write the stupid letter.

Friday, December 14, 2012

Stinking Kids

We do this thing at dinner every night. Best and Worst. We go around the table and everyone tells the best thing and the worst thing about our day. Last night when it was my turn my best was that I had finished my Christmas shopping. I was pretty happy about it, until.....dun, dun, dun.....my son said, "You should really delete your browsing history when you get done shopping online."

What?! Really?

Welcome to the future. Checking your mom's browsing history is the new peeking in your parents closet.

He swears he didn't look, but seriously, OF COURSE he looked.

I would have.

Thursday, December 13, 2012


I just placed my final Amazon order and with that my Christmas shopping is DONE!

It's later than my goal, but sooner than I usually finish so....YAY!

I still have a couple of projects to finish and packages to mail but I'm not going to think about those things right now. I'll think about those tomorrow....or the next day.....or something like that.

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Twelve, 12, XII

So, it's 12-12-12, got any big plans? Getting remarried? Going skydiving? I'm going with doughnuts. Who knows maybe I'll have a dozen for lunch and dinner too. (Do you say dinner or supper? Just wondering.)

Look~ We took our horse mask to the Temple Lights
I'm telling you what, if you haven't ordered yours yet I do not know what you are waiting for. This thing is so stinking funny. Every family should have at least one.
Did you guys watch Parenthood last night? Did you sob all the way through it like I did? Geez, my eyes are puffy this morning from all the crying.

Um, ok, that was fun, now can we just briefly talk about Christmas cards and how much I hate them? Not the receiving (what kind of a jerk do you think I am?) just the sending. Not so much the sending, but the taking of the pictures and the writing of the letter. I know, I complain about it every year. 1, 2, 3,  (This is either a charming tradition, or stupid boring non-stop whining. Let's go with A. shall we?)  It seems like common sense (especially now, after that little stroll down memory lane re-reading all those complainy posts from years past.) that if I hate something so much I ought to stop doing it, and if that's not an option I should stop going on and on about it. Right? Pretty sure no one has ever accused me of having common sense though.

Wow, this has been enlightening and therapeutic.  And also a big waste of time since I know that I'm going to end up writing a stupid letter anyway so I may as well quit stalling and get at it. Thanks for your help.

Wednesday, December 5, 2012

Giddy up

Good holy cow! I started this post on Monday. It's now Wednesday, almost Thursday. There were a lot more words when I started but I'm gonna spare you the blah blah blah and just get down to the meat of it.

I have pictures, wanna see them? 

I thought so. 

Last Friday we went to Kings Fish House they have super groovy napkins, like this~
Saturday morning was the Kentucky game. 
It was a sad, sad day in Wildcat history.
Some of us wept. 
(Most of us just mocked me while I was weeping.)
 After begging for months, Ivy was finally got her tips dyed pink. 
LOOK! Pink hair! 
 On Sunday we had to make a fake baby from a package of sugar for Ivy's Home Ec. class (except they don't call it Home Ec. They call it something like "Family and Consumer Science", whatever that is). 
She's supposed to carry it around for 3 days and learn a lesson of some kind.
On Monday Wesley's horse head mask came in the mail.
Oh My Gosh!
You have to get one of these things. It is hilarious. 
This is Wesley picking his sister up from school. (He didn't wear it while he was driving, only while he was waiting for her to come out.) 
He just sat there, in the car, in front of the jr. high, wearing a horse head mask. 
Then we put it on the dog.
Then we made greeting cards.

We were cracking ourselves up.

Saturday, December 1, 2012

This is pretty much our house.....

......every damn day. 

Except I don't get paid for it.