Wednesday, October 31, 2012


Is it just me, or is everyone else tired of a holiday by the time it finally gets here? I blame Target for pushing candy corn in August and Christmas Trees in September. 

I have vague recollections of trick or treating without my parents, just me and my little brothers in our plastic costumes and those masks that you could barely see out of, running amok. Amok! Amok! Amok! Surely though my parents didn't send us out alone, right? It's got to be one of those false memories planted by a therapist trying to eek a few more sessions out of me. In my fake memory we ran all through the neighborhood with no regard for strangers or danger, then we went home and dumped our massive haul (it always seemed massive anyway) on the living room floor and after my mother checked it for razor blades and needles we sorted and traded. Did hospitals really used to offer to x-ray your loot or is that another false memory? And did your insurance cover the cost of that procedure? 

Three of our kids will be dressing up and heading out to terrorize the neighborhood tonight, Medusa, Dr. Sexy (apparently that's a thing? {He's 17, my influence is limited, as in, non existent.}), and Marty McFly.

Funny story, I was super excited when I found the puffy orange vest for Marty's costume at Old Navy.~ May I pause to say, what? Puffy vests are back? It's a total Halloween score but I fear it's a further setback for the state of fashion in the world. One that we can scarcely afford at this stage of the game. ~ Anyway......When I was checking out the vest rang up $10.00 less than it was marked so I asked if it was on sale, which it was!!  Naturally, I was then even more excited, because clearly, I am the most giantest of dorks. That was when I told the guy ringing me up that my son was being Marty McFly for Halloween, because, duh, Chatty Cathy (I get it from my mom), fully expecting the youngster taking my money to have no idea who Marty McFly is, but nooooo. He practically shouted "NO WAY! I'm being Marty McFly for Halloween!" And for a moment I didn't know if we were having a moment or if he was going to sue me for Costume Idea Stealing (which is a battle I totally would have won seeing as how I had never laid eyes on this weirdo until 2 minutes before our weird conversation). Turns out he was super thrilled to find another soul who appreciated his love of Back to the Future, he even placed his foot on the counter (awkwardly I might add) to show me that at this very second he was wearing his limited edition 1980's hightop sneakers. Let me tell you, Chatty Cathy and her mom couldn't even compete with this guy, he told me the whole story of how he had been planning for a full year to be Marty McFly and had gone to great lengths to gather an authentic costume. Bless his enthusiastic little heart.

Michelle posted an awesome video about the rules of the candy swap. Important viewing material for both candy traders and candy trade moderators. 

Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Look! Party pictures.....

Wendy Whiner Here

I'm having a bad day. Week? Month? I don't know. It's not even 7 a.m. and the dog has already chewed up a shoe. A new shoe. A shoe that was worn maybe 3 times. She's not even normally a chewer. My husband has been working out of town since July, he's home on the weekends, which I know is more than some people get so I'm trying not to complain, but I'm really getting tired of handling everything by myself. Again, I know LOTS of people don't even have a weekend husband. Or electricity. Sorry. Apparently I can only hold things together until the dog ruins something. I've had a stupid sinus headache for a week and a half that has kept me from the gym and I think I'm cranky because I haven't been able to exercise (#3 on the list of things I thought I'd never say).  We had a family party last night and it should have been really fun, I love all of the people who were there but for some reason I just walked around in a fog, like I was outside of my body. It was weird. Stupid even. I used to love having parties. We had a big pumpkin carving party every year for like 10 years, I'm talking throw open the doors and invite the whole neighborhood big. A few years ago I started feeling overwhelmed by it and we didn't have one at all for a year or two, then last year the kids really wanted to do it again so we invited only family and that was better, but last night, I don't know. Maybe it was because my husband wasn't here, or maybe I'm tired. I was even more awkward than usual. 

Stupid dog.

Sunday, October 28, 2012

Being able to see is everything I imagined it would be.

Okey dokie, my new glasses are here, and thanks to the miracle of modern science, I can see!! It's kind of scary the difference with and without the glasses. I think I'm going to have to get prescription sunglasses too, I don't really want to spend the money (or be stuck wearing the same sunglasses all the time), but it would be nice to be able to see my surroundings when I'm driving. Safety first! (Says the woman who hasn't been able to see her way clearly for about 6 months.) 

At church today one of the girls I teach (14-16 year olds) said, "I love your glasses. They make you look like a blogger,"(whatever that means) then she said, "Don't you just want to put on some pink lipstick when you're wearing them?" Which proves what I always say. Teenage girls are weirder than me. 

Here's one last horrid self portrait of me in my new glasses, style #2. Happy Halloween!

This is for my mom. 
A rare sighting of, A. Me letting someone else take my picture. And B. My ever elusive older looking younger brother. 
Merry Christmas Mom!!

Sunday, October 21, 2012

Finally, a chance for your vote to make a difference

I need glasses. I'm less than thrilled about this development. All of my life I've had perfect vision, something I have been illogically proud of, I mean, it's not like anything I'm doing is causing me to have good eyesight, I'm just a dork. Anyway, for the last few months I've noticed that I can't see things well if they're far away or if I'm reading and look up at the TV my eyes don't adjust very quickly. I'd convinced myself it wasn't a big deal until last week when I was driving at night and found that I was not able to read the street signs because they were blurry. 

Let it be known through all the land.....Getting old SUCKS.

I made an eye appointment and had my eyes dilated for the first time ever, which by the way, seems like one of those things that would fall under "cruel and unusual". It was confirmed that, yes, indeed I do need glasses. The high point of the exam was when the optometrist told me that in a few years I will probably need bifocals.  (He didn't end that sentence with "Granny", but it was absolutely implied.)

Anyway, I have decided to make the best of it. I went to the Warby Parker website and picked out some frames to try.  I have them for 5 days and I would love your input. 

Here are the rules. You cannot say "Nerd!" or "They all look the same to me." 

You also cannot say, "None of those even look like something you would wear." (Note to my husband.-Um, these are not random samples, I picked them, therefore they look EXACTLY like something I would wear. Sheesh! If you can't say something nice then please go in the next room and talk to the girl who called me a nerd.) (These are the kinds of comments that cause people to turn to the internet for advice.)

You also may not talk amongst yourselves and wonder if I am actually cross eyed. I am not, in fact, even a little bit cross eyed, but I am self-portrait impaired in a major way. Whatever. 

PS-The lighting in my house was horrible so I took all of these pictures on my front porch, thus confirming the long standing suspicion of my neighbors that I'm a couple bricks short.

Saturday, October 20, 2012

Man on Fire

My brother told me about these guys, probably like a year ago, but I forgot all about them until I heard this song on Parenthood.

Thursday, October 18, 2012

How ya like me now?

Last weekend I was passing through the family room where my children were watching 30 Rock reruns, you know, like children do (we believe in quality television time around here), when I heard Tracy Jordan say "Liz Lemon Cool J". I stopped in my tracks and doubled over laughing.

That guy is funny.

Liz Lemon Cool J.


I had a dream last night that I was at a shower of some kind (bridal, baby.....), with people I knew but not well, and there was a game. It was one of those shower games where everyone sits in a circle, in this one we were supposed to tell 3 things about ourselves that no one knew. (By the way, who thinks up these games and does anyone genuinely enjoy them? I didn't think so.) I was racking my brain, and I was nervous about having to say anything at all to the whole group (even in my sleep I'm a train wreck), then I realized there was nothing left that no one knew about me. I mean, there are things that no one knows, but the list of things that I am willing to say out loud has been exhausted. So, I'm sitting there, at a party, feeling like I'm going to throw up because I'm about to lose the game and it's all because I talk too much. I woke up feeling very disappointed with myself.

And that is why there should not be get to know you games at grown up parties.

Tuesday, October 16, 2012


Before I tell you this story, I feel impressed to pass along some information I received in an email this morning. Ready? Madagascar 3 is available at your local Redbox, TODAY!!! Praise the heavens I thought this day would never come! And by that I mean, the day that there would be THREE Madagascar movies in existence.

 Saturday afternoon one of my children asked me if I could take him to the doctor {did I mention it was Saturday?} because his wrist was really hurting, so much in fact, that he had paused his video game so he could put on a wrist brace. Upon further investigation I learned that he hadn't injured it, but it had spontaneously started aching a little bit ABOUT 20 MINUTES AGO!

 It's possible an audio recording of my unsympathetic response, which included key phrases like "sometimes our bodies hurt for no reason" and the ever popular "so you just might have to suck it up" will be used to blackmail me in the future.

Soon after that exchange I found this picture on my phone. It's not my finger and I didn't take it, which means somebody was bleeding and didn't tell me, and that my friends, is unheard of around here. So, I called my husband in to see what he knew about it (because leaving bloody pictures on other people's phones is the kind of thing he's been known to do).  Our daughter heard us talking and said "Oh, I did that. I wasn't really cut, it's food coloring. I was just trying to freak someone out."

Mission accomplished.

Monday, October 15, 2012

For some reason I was exhausted when it was all said and done

So, I bet you're DYING to know what kind of shenanigans I got up to this weekend, eh? I thought so.

Well, I got up early Saturday morning and went for a long (for me) run. I don't want to tempt the physical fitness fates so I'm not going to say a lot about that, but.....I did not die, nor did I feel like I was going to. Only two years after I took up running. I'm not sure what that says about me. I'm either persistent or dumb. Who keeps doing something they don't like for that long?

Nuts, that's who.

When I got home from running Ivy reminded me that I had promised we could finish our Halloween decorating. It only took 4 cans of spray paint and 4000 brain cells for us to achieve the proper level of spooky. I tried to have fun with it and keep spreading spider webs, even when I started to feel like I was in a bad 80's horror movie (Swallowed by Giant Spider Webs), but I had to shoot down the balloon backdropped photo booth, mostly because I'm one of those fun wrecking moms who doesn't think there's any need to have a photo booth just hanging around the house all the time. It's too much pressure.

Call me crazy.

You won't be the first.
My husband decided to take advantage of the fact that I was all hopped up on spray paint fumes and suggested we go to Costco and look at dog beds. I hate going to Costco on Saturday afternoon, it's packed full of non-shoppers lingering at the sample stations. They have carts full of empty, jamming up the aisles, they aren't there to shop, they just want half of a free truffle. The same people who would throw a fit if their drive-thru order took too long will wait 10 minutes for one bite of microwaved chicken sausage. It's a mystery to me. And also very annoying. When we finally beat the crowds back and made our way to the pet section the only dog beds available were made of Memory Foam and cost $40. That probably doesn't seem like a lot until you remember that the last two dog beds she had came from Costco and were in the $20 range. I like our dog just fine, but I don't even have a Memory Foam mattress and the only reason we're looking for new dog beds is because she chewed up the last two. Fortunately the spray paint had worn off enough that I was able to be the voice of practicality and veto the fancy dog bed. 

                                 Just around the corner from the dog beds was a display of dog treats. 
                                                                Turkey dinner dog treats. 
 People of the world and fellow Costco shoppers we have got to put our collective foots down and say no to things like turkey dinner dog treats. Are you with me? My husband actually asked if I thought we should get some. I think he was feeling guilty about not bringing home a fancy dog bed.  
On our way out I noticed these.~
Remote controlled flameless candles. 
Can we all agree that it's a testament to my maturity level that I did not inquire as to whether or not these would be compatible with my universal remote?
On Saturday evening we joined the rest of the old folks at an earlyish showing of Argo. I really liked it, which was news to my husband since I was nearly sobbing as we left the theater. I couldn't explain it fully, but my dad works in the Green Zone in Baghdad and all of the scenes of protesters made me think of how things have not really changed in that region at all and I just felt sad and worried and overwhelmed. I'd like to blame my reaction on the spray paint but it's more likely due to the crazy, either way it's a good movie and you should all go see it.

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

A few things I thought you'd like to know......

1.Maple Leaf Cookies are at Trader Joe's right now. Yum. If you don't live near a Trader Joe's, sigh, so sorry for you. Maybe your sister will send you some if you ask her nicely.

2. Parenthood. OMG! There's no excuse for not watching. What in the world could you possibly be watching instead? Nothing good that's for sure. This show deserves a whole week devoted to in depth discussions of each character. I love them all. In addition to being awesome in every way the music is the BEST. I accidentally discovered a couple of weeks ago that if I "Shazamed" the TV at anytime during the show, I could get a list of all of the songs from that episode. Now I'm going broke paying my itunes bill. 
Favorite song of the week....

3. Shazam. It's an app for your phone. You hold up your phone and wait, then it tells you what you're listening to and who sings it. 

4. Mrs. Myers Honeysuckle Hand Soap. It smells like HONEYSUCKLE!! Get thee hence to Target and get yo selves some. (It comes in basil and lemon verbena too, mmm. It was hard to settle on just one, but I'm practicing using restraint as part of my training to become a Ninja.)

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Also, it's the law.

Recently I had an opportunity to ride in a car driven by my son, at one point he noticed me clutching the armrest (I'm not a very good passenger) and we had this conversation.~

Him-"Relax, I've never been in an accident, or caused one, and I've never been pulled over........for a good reason."

Me-"Really, what kinds of things have you been unjustly pulled over for?"

Him-"Stupid stuff, like driving at night with no headlights."

Me-"I'm pretty sure that's a good reason. I mean, you need to be able to see where you're going."

Him-"I could see just fine."

Me-"Maybe other drivers couldn't see you..."

Him-"The cop could didn't have any problem seeing me."

And that folks, is why I like to drive my ownself when I go places.

Monday, October 1, 2012

The hallowed halls have been decked

Yay for Fall! Halloween is my favorite. 

Now if it would just cool down.