Monday, July 30, 2012

The Olympics~Part I

Did you guys meet my new boyfriend, the London Olympics? Swoon! We spent the entire weekend together. He's very exciting. I loved the opening ceremony, except for the part when my ex-boyfriend, Captain Obvious, I mean Matt Lauer, would not stop with the obvious commentating. "Merideth, it looks like they've built a grassy hill." "They're going to dance now."  When will these "news" people learn that there's nothing wrong with silence? If there's nothing to say then say nothing. That's my motto. (Or it ought to be.) I mean, honestly, are they getting paid by the word? Oh, and Ryan Seacrest and his hair are now Olympic correspondents?  Seriously? How does one go from American Idol to the Olympics? Seems like a stretch. I'm a little worried that NBC has jumped the shark.

Anyway......I think I watched more TV this weekend than I have since March. I'm a sucker for all of it. I love the stories of adversity. I love the commercials. I love that the men's swim team has given up those silly full body swimming suits. I cry when they win, I cry when they lose, I cry when beach volley ball girls try to sell me lip gloss. The last couple of days have been very emotional.

Our daughter loves it too. She has decided that she really really wants to be an Olympian. She talks about it constantly. Nevermind that she's not athletic and gets super annoyed when anyone tells her what to do. I can barely hear the obvious commentating over her chatter. "What do you think I'd be good at?" "What if I had to move away to train?" "Do they give everyone those USA jackets, and do they get to keep all of that stuff when the Olympics are over?" I've been trying to explain to her that it takes A LOT of practice and they probably don't ever have time to watch Dr. Who, but I don't think she's hearing me. As she was falling asleep last night she asked me if the gymnast have a hair and make-up person, if so, she thinks maybe someone should tell them that the Olympics isn't the place for glitter hairspray.


Friday, July 27, 2012

I don't know about this....

....I'm not pretending that I have any idea what makes for good hair products, but something called Squizz from the people who bring you Gorilla Snot hair gel, just, well.....ewww.
I hope it smells good at least.

Also, I have a confession to make. I had totally kicked my TMZ habit. I was off the gossip. Not even tempted to take a peek. I was so proud of myself (but in a private way, because really, what are you going to do? Go up to people and tell them that you've given up reading about the lives of strange strangers? I don't think so.) That was then you guys, the last few weeks have been a whirlwind, what with TomKat and KPat (or whatever they call(ed) themselves) and the Jacksons. Holy cow! I'm sad to admit, I couldn't resist. I feel like I need to go to a meeting or something.
"Hi, my name is Sue. I haven't looked a gossip website or magazine in 3 hours."

Thursday, July 26, 2012

Apparently the joke is on me.

Sometimes I think I'm funny. 
Sometimes I think up something really funny and I want to share it. 
I'm a giver.
My husband doesn't always think I'm so funny. More and more often I say something to him and he either gives me a blank stare or asks me if I'm serious. Then I have to TELL him that I was joking, which everyone knows kills a good joke, then he does that little fake laugh thing. As if to say, "Heh, ohhhh, I get it. Yes, you are so very humorous darling." (His fake laugh sounds like Thurston Howell III)
 Like when I showed him this picture that my daughter and I turned into a postcard .....he didn't laugh. 

He thinks it's a really nice picture, which it is, but come on, it's a joke. 
The fist under the chin, the 70's editing. 
It's funny, right?

Maybe, I'm not as funny as I think I am.

~Here's a nice bonus list for you~
10 things that I love right now. In no particular order.
1. Jimmy Fallon
2. Trader Joe's Chocolate Raspberry Sticks
3. My Phone (STILL!!)
4. The Batman
5. Summer vacation
6. The sweet little emails my husband sends me from his phone every morning. (I love him, even though he doesn't get my jokes)
7. 30 Rock re-runs
8. Bruschetta 
9. Olympics Anticipation
10. Jon Stewart (natch)

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

No Paula Deen am I

Or any other domestic goddess for that matter. I don't do crafts, my house is unorganized, and I do not like to cook.

I don't. Sue me.

Fortunately no one is starving around here because my husband does like to cook. He likes cooking so much that every meal is an experience. A new ingredient, dirty all the dishes, 3 trip to the store, experience. It's exhausting. When I suggest things like "hey, lets just grill some chicken and steam some broccoli" he looks at me like I'm nuts. He's got a cookbook collection and he's not afraid to use ingredients like "pureed chicken livers" (barf). He loves to whip up something fancy then gets excited about everyone trying it. It's really kind of cute.

All this is great when he's able to cook, but every now and again I get stuck with dinner duty and things go south pretty fast. (What's up with that phrase anyway? What's so bad about the south?)

I hesitate to admit this in our world of "foodies", but I don't care that much about eating. I've been gasped at more than once for not liking Thai food or never having tried some of those smelly cheeses all the kids are so fond of these days. Whatever. I like to eat and I like to eat good stuff (as long as there are no weird smells, textures, or ingredients {I'm looking at you pureed chicken livers}), but if "good stuff" is not available, I'll eat toast or Cheerios. It's not a big deal to me.

So, anyway....my husband is out of town this week, and is going to be working out of town for most of the next 2 months, and so far it's not looking good on the dinner front. Monday I ordered pizza, last night we went to Subway. This can't go on. I've got to get some cereal in the house.

Do you cook? Do you like it? Do you use crazy ingredients like saffron?

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

I should really give my granny a call

I'm pretty sure a preoccupation with the weather is a hobby for old people, but I can't help myself. We hardly ever have weather, I'm fascinated. My neighbors must think I'm nuts(er) because I'm outside everyday taking pictures of nothing.

Two Saturdays ago we went out to run some errands and the sky looked like this....can you imagine?
 CLOUDS!! They're so ominous....and fluffy.
Thirty minutes later it was POURING and I was standing in front of Costco taking pictures like I'd never seen rain before.
Then my husband pulled up and said, *"Get in the car dork! Our groceries are getting soaked!"
He's a real sweet talker.
Then THIS past Saturday I went outside and saw these lovely things.
Twenty minutes later I looked out and this was rapidly coming our way.
For those of you unfamiliar with such things, this is what we in these parts call a (an?) Haboob.
A Haboob is when a giant cloud of dust swallows your neighborhood.
It's kind of crazy.
It's also pretty quick, within probably 15 minutes we had this.
Then this.
A double rainbow. 

*My husband did not really call me a dork at Costco. He only does that at home.

Monday, July 23, 2012

I hope future generations appreciate the important work I've done here.

Look, I know I have not been very consistent with the blogging lately. I don't really have an excuse besides it's summer, my kids are home, I'm busy, I started watching Gilmore Girls for the first time ever (I KNOW !! Where have I been?), blah blah blah. Whatever. I'm going to try to catch up this week. Mostly for my sake, someday when I'm old(er) I know I'm going to be grateful for the things I've recorded here. Things I always want to remember. Memories I'll cherish.

Like, the alarming trend of men with purses. What in the world is going on?
This guy was on a date!! Ladies!! We owe it to the world not to let men go out with purses. 
Especially primary colored purses.
Come on!

I also had a picture of a guy with startling sock tan lines and I was going to tell you all about the lady in front of me at the Target checkout who asked for a gift receipt for the underwear she was buying, but I decided I should use restraint. *My goal of the month is to not be the person who is wearing or saying something goofy enough to be the topic of someones blog post.

As you can imagine this is no easy task. I'm staying home a lot these days. 

*that's not really one of my goals. I have much loftier goals, with any luck I'll be writing about them later this week. You won't want to miss it. 

Thursday, July 5, 2012


A couple days ago I did something so awful that you're probably not going to believe it, unless you know me, then you'll totally believe it. 

I got tired of listening to my boys argue so, in a fit of fiery rage, I gave them each AN EXTRA CHORE!!!!!
Can you believe it?
Neither could they.

In fact, when I tried to give this one a couple of pointers he said, and I quote~
"I can't even talk to you right now, you're so freaking unreasonable!"

It's true, I am so freaking unreasonable. 
And also, really, really mean, because I laughed when he told me that. 
Grrrr!! That made him even more angry, which made me laugh even harder.
He should consider himself lucky I didn't start in on the "Back in My Day" speech.

How's summer going at your house?

Wednesday, July 4, 2012

Happy 4th of July!

And if you're planning to celebrate your freedom by seeing a movie, I recommend Moonrise Kingdom.

Tuesday, July 3, 2012

And that's how he ended up getting poked in the eye with a sharp stick.

Husband~"Was this new?"
Me~ "Did you break that?"
Husband~"It broke."
Me~"While you were using it?"
Me~"Then you broke it. That's how it works."
Husband~"Whatever. Do you have another one?"
Me~"Have you seen my left-handed scissors?"

Monday, July 2, 2012


Last week our son needed to open a new bank account. 
My husband took him over and waited while he got  all set up. 
When the bank guy gave him his new debit card and told him to sign the back of it any way he liked, this is what he wrote.~

Our son is not named don Clogg. In fact, as far as I know he doesn't even know anyone named don Clogg. 

This is why I send my husband when the children have important business to do out in the world.