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Tuesday, May 22, 2012

I'm always surprised at my ability to go on and on about pretty much nothing.

Groupon sent me an email a few days ago offering a discount on a personal keychain breathalizer. Oh Groupon, bless your heart, you're a few years too late.

I'm on the fence as to whether or not the keychain breathalizer is a good idea. If your judgement is intact enough to wonder if your should breathalize yourself, you probably have the presence of mind to realize that you need to call a cab. Right? Then there's the fact that it comes with 3 additional mouthpieces, so all of your friends can test themselves too. I'm just sayin', as someone who's been drunk a time or two, expecting the inebriated to breathalize themselves and have the dexterity to swap out the mouthpieces seems like a stretch, unless the idea is to distract the drunks long enough that they sober up, in that case...BRILLIANT!!

Anyway, I don't drink anymore so I was pretty much in the camp of not really needing a personal keychain breathalizer, that is, until I woke up this morning. I almost never remember my dreams. I like it that way. Who wants to go around all day wondering if they need to visit a dream interpreter? Then last night I dreamed that I had gone to a meeting, a work meeting, and the next day I kept seeing this woman who had a tattoo running all the way up the back of her leg. It was like one of those stocking seams but super decorative. At some point I became aware that the tattoo lady was me. My "dream friends" told me that I had gotten drunk at the meeting and gone out for a tattoo afterwards but my dream self didn't remember any of it. I'd like to think that if my dream self had been in possession of a breathalizer on her keychain the whole mess could have been avoided. (If one of you wants to use your iphone to look up drunken tattoo getting dreams and let me know what it represents in my regular life I would be forever grateful.)

In other email related news, last week I got one from Sarah Jessica Parker. We aren't really all that close anymore, in fact I was kind of surprised that she even has my current email address. She wanted to let me know that if I made a contribution, any contribution, 3 dollars would be enough, to a certain political candidate, I would be entered into a drawing where the prize is lunch at her house with herself and the candidate in question. I considered it carefully, I mean, offers like that don't show up in my inbox every day (more like every 3 days), but in the end I decided not to do it. For one thing I don't think 3 dollars is going to make a difference in anyone's campaign, but mostly I opted out because I don't really want to have lunch with Sarah Jessica Parker, Matthew Broderick maybe, but since he wasn't mentioned in the email I thought it best not to take any chances. What if I won? What on earth would we talk about? It has the potential to be really awkward, and I've got enough awkward going on with my drunken dreams, I don't need to deal with it when I'm awake too.


1 comment:

Karen said...

You asked for it ... here you go!

To dream that your body has a tattoo signifies an urgent business matter. This matter will need your immediate attention and take you away from friends and family. The tattoo may also indicate life changes.

To see tattoos on those around you is a warning. Someone in your waking life will soon become jealous of you and what you have achieved.

To dream that you and a friend are getting a tattoo symbolizes the true friendship you share together.

To dream that you are a tattoo artist is a reminder that not everyone around you will accept the lifestyle you have chosen for yourself.

 
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