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Wednesday, April 4, 2012

That's what I get for trying to be helpful.

Monday was Art Masterpiece.

Art Masterpiece is when a parent volunteer takes a print from a famous artist into their child's classroom, tells the class a little bit about it and, Wah La! Art lovers are born. It's quite magical, as you can imagine.

Usually. But on Monday I wasn't prepared. (which, by the way, is what my tombstone is going to say,
"She would have been ready if you could have just given her 10 more minutes.") Through a series of unfortunate events I ended up having only 15 minutes to prepare my presentation, which as you know is not nearly enough for a woman with such gushy armpits as mine. 

This is my 4th year presenting Art Masterpiece at the elementary school. In years past I've really loved it. The artists facinate me (especially the crazy ones. Who would have ever imagined I would find crazy people interesting?), I've learned a lot about art, and it's fun going into the classrooms and talking to the kids. Even though I'm a nervous wreck every single time it's been a good experience. Until this year. This year there's a boy in my daughter's class who is at best a smarty pants, at worst a pretentious 6th grade art snob. I've never seen anything like it. The first time I went in he told us all about his friend whose grandparents own a Modigliani. He seemed a little smug but I figured I might be smug too if my friend had a Modigliani casually hanging in the den. So I let it go. But it was the same the next time, "Once I stayed at this resort and there was a Dali hanging in our suite." and "You've heard of Dale Chihuli, right? Well the chandelier was one of his sculptures." AND ON AND ON. This kid. I swear. 

So, Monday, I'm standing up there telling them about this painting~

....and I say, "How old do you think this woman is?"  One kid shouts out, "42". Then I tell them I'm 42 (42, 43, what's the difference?), and the boy sitting next to smarty pants says "Well in that case, she's probably about 22." Then smarty pants says "It's a painting, she could be the same age as you, but the artist could have painted her without wrinkles."

That's when I decided exposing children to culture is overrated and as soon as I stopped crying I stuck my tongue out at the boy who ruined culture for the entire 6th grade and ran out of the room. Kids nowadays. Sheesh.

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