Tuesday, April 10, 2012

I’m sitting here crying over…..huh, well, nothing.  I just started crying. Nothing happened. I’m at home alone. I didn’t yell at my kids this morning and they didn’t yell at me, which, on a regular day would be a good excuse to celebrate with donuts, but instead I’m crying.  I just can’t seem to stop being sad these days.

Two weeks ago I wrote this~

“I'm not a fan of getting sad over things I can’t change. When given a choice I always vote against it. But every once in a while I hear a sad story and the world gets in my head and I spend a few days crying over milk I didn’t spill.
Once heard about this person who would lie awake at night worrying about the fruit in the forest that wasn’t getting picked and used. She was overcome with the feeling that it was going to waste and it was wrong to waste when so many people in the world were hungry. Finally someone told her that that it was ok. The forest animals eat some of it and what they don’t eat becomes fertilizer, compost, so the forest can continue to grow. 
I woke up last night thinking about people…..children..I’ve never met, and a few that I have, and worried. What will happen if someone doesn’t help these kids? I understand choices and consequences, and I know that bad things happen for no reason. But when adults do things and kids don’t have a choice they grow up to be adults that do things that take away the choices of other people. And on and on and on.
And how long must we suffer because we make bad choices because of the person we turned into while we were children and other people were making our choices for us? How many times should we have to pay for the mistakes of our fathers?
Why would anyone think it’s ok to kill babies?
I’m sorry. I’m so sad today. It’s so common-and normal-to get caught up in the day to day and not have time to dwell on things we can’t change anyway, but unlike the fruit rotting in the forest I can’t think of a tidy answer for any of the things weighing on my heart today.”

That was 2 weeks ago and I’m still sad. I just can't shake it.

I’ve also been extra cranky lately, everything irritates me. When I’m not crying over the slightest thing. (Out of bread? Wah.  The wind is blowing? Sob. Low on shampoo? END. OF. THE. WORLD.) I’m hating everything in sight. I'm like The Incredible Hulk's raging little sister.

Last week it occurred to me that maybe I’m menopausal. And that was a RELIEF. This is what it’s come to. I would rather be going through “the change” than losing my mind.

Which pretty much proves that I’m losing my mind.


Ginger said...

I'm sorry! I can 100% relate! And I cry every day too. We should have a crying party!

Karen said...

I'M SO PROUD OF YOU! You're just putting it all out there for the whole world to see instead of hiding it in a satchel on your hip. You know how I feel about not talking about your crap ... and look at you just talking about your crap! I've totally been feeling this way myself. And then Sunday, we watched "We Bought A Zoo". Don't do it. Don't even get close to watching it until you're over this hump or medicated.

I'm sorry you're sad, but now that it's out of the bag, it's going to get better. Keep on talking. Vent like there's no tomorrow! And let's get some lunch & Coke.