Wednesday, January 25, 2012


I did not want to get out of bed this morning, but you know how it goes, if I don't get up, no one else gets up, blah, blah, blah. I should have just left us all in bed. I'm so tired and mentally unstable and my husband is out of town and, before I say one more pathetic thing about my pathetic self, I KNOW that there are so many people with harder lives, much harder lives, than mine. I KNOW my problems are, in the grand scheme of things, not really problems. I just need to cry for a minute then I will get back up and put my pants back on.

1. The dog. The dog has been living with us for 3 months and refuses to be completely housebroken. In fact, we are dog broken. She will only use the yard if we are outside with her, standing silently, not making eye contact. I am usually willing to do this as the alternative is, you know......Sometimes however I am busy so I have to beg one of the kids (the same kids who begged me for A DOG) to humor the dog. My children are not as patient or as good at faking non-eye contact as I am and soon the dog is inside crapping IN THE HOUSE. The smell. Oh heaven help us all, the smell. BUT!!!! WAIT!! No one can smell it but me!! That's right, apparently if you pretend not to smell it you don't have to clean it! WHAT THE??! The dog is outside now. We are not friends anymore.

2. Homework. KILL ME NOW! Our school district has this awesome "parent portal". It's a website that allows you to keep up with your children's progress. Grades, absences, MISSING FREAKING ASSIGNMENTS. I have reached the point where I don't even want to know. But I have to know. A. Because I am the mom, it's my job to know, and B. Because when the teacher calls, and she WILL call (I am on her freaking speed dial), and she reminds me again, that I can always check the parent portal if I am "concerned about my student" I want to be able to tell her that I am indeed very "concerned" and I check the portal every damn week, but somehow that is not magically making "my student" do his homework so does she have any other helpful tips or should I just quit my job and go on down to the school and do hers for her?!!HUH!!? That's what I thought.

3. The Mess. I am not Joan Crawford, really, I'm not. But once the filth in your bedroom reaches a certain level I am going to crack. That's all. Your room doesn't have to pass the white glove test but for the love of hell pick your clean clothes, the ones I BOUGHT AND WASHED, up off the floor. Please.

4. THE DAMN CATS. The cats have now decided to use our unfinished shower as a litter box. Even though there is a litter box IN THE UNFINISHED SHOWER as well as 57 other litter boxes scattered randomly about the house, they have apparently taken a vote and decided that if we aren't going to use that drain they will. I HATE CATS. Also, one of them woke me up 6 times last night either trying to get in my bedroom or out of my bedroom or scratching on some papers next to my bed, and it's very clear that the lack of sleep in addition to the smell in my unfinished shower is really taking a toll on my sanity.

5. The smartassedness. Please refer to 1-4 above. I am in no mood. Cut it out.



Ginger said...

Oh, I am so sorry! I can relate! I have those kinds of days on a regular basis... but don't all mothers of teenagers????!!!!! Seriously. I am about to snap my 13 year old in half if he doesn't start brushing his teeth! I told him this morning that EVERYONE knows he doesn't brush them! It's pretty obvious when he opens his mouth and talks! Seriously. Boys. are. gross. Well, so are girls. My daughter is as big a pig as they are... College won't come soon enough in that respect... for me! haha
Good job for kicking the dog out. If I were you, I would kick the cats out too. I hate animals. And I live on a ranch! What is wrong with THAT picture? haha :) But really... you have good weather right now... it won't hurt them to live outside until the oven starts warming up! You should just run away and go to a movie by yourself today and get a big popcorn and a big coke. It will make you feel better.! That's what I would do if I lived closer than an hour to a real movie theater! (Sorry for the novel. You struck a chord with me today.)

Karen said...

This is hilarious. You're killing me. I don't even have any idea how to get into the parent portal thingy ... so you're awesome! And I've never heard you cuss ... I like it.

P.S. You forgot to grumble about our time-well-wasted at all of our silly meetings that we get to attend. I'll see you bright and early in the morning!

Brittany said...

Amen, sister. Amen.