Tuesday, January 31, 2012

The fact that I haven't given up entirely counts for something, right?

Exercise is wearing me out.

Well, not the actual act of physical activity, it’s the thinking about it all the time that’s doing me in. I’m starting to believe I’m just not cut out for it. (Some people aren’t you know. Fitness is NOT for everyone.)

It seems like every week I’m re-committing to working out. I do fine for a week or so, then, through no fault of my own, life gets busy and going to the gym is the first thing to get cut. Next thing you know it’s been 5 or 7 days since I’ve run and I feel like I’m starting all over again.

Because I am.

Too bad you can’t build endurance from trying to make it to the treadmill.

Monday, January 30, 2012

Please, SOMEBODY tell me I'm not the only one......

I haven't taken down my Christmas Cards yet. 
I just can't do it. And by that I mean, I don't want to do it. My life is so busy that I hardly ever see most of these people. (Which, by the way is stupid, if you don't have time to see the people you love, then your life is whack!) Seeing them there, in Christmas Card form, everyday reminds me that I should probably think about taking them down, which reminds me that I should be making a point to see some of them more often, which reminds me that I'm too busy, which reminds me that I need to work harder on transforming my life into a life of leisure, which is a pretty good goal.

I'm going to leave them up for a while.

Friday, January 27, 2012

Holy Hannah!

I'm sure you guys have seen all of these "people say" videos, these two are my favorite.

The funniest part about this one is that this is not even a joke. My kids say things like "Shut the H up!" and "It was freaking huge!" ALL THE TIME! I personally find real swear words therapeutic and much to my daughter's dismay use them more often than she would like.

I could really go for a filet-o-fish right now. Happy Weekend!

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

For Scott

My brother has found himself with a little free time recently and he's become a HUGE fan of my blog. In fact he relies on me to keep him "in the know". He asked me to write a summary of last night's State of the Union. He couldn't watch because he was busy watching the Ky game.

Here's my summary~Barack Obama is no George Bush.

And to prove I can multitask~

New uniforms


I did not want to get out of bed this morning, but you know how it goes, if I don't get up, no one else gets up, blah, blah, blah. I should have just left us all in bed. I'm so tired and mentally unstable and my husband is out of town and, before I say one more pathetic thing about my pathetic self, I KNOW that there are so many people with harder lives, much harder lives, than mine. I KNOW my problems are, in the grand scheme of things, not really problems. I just need to cry for a minute then I will get back up and put my pants back on.

1. The dog. The dog has been living with us for 3 months and refuses to be completely housebroken. In fact, we are dog broken. She will only use the yard if we are outside with her, standing silently, not making eye contact. I am usually willing to do this as the alternative is, you know......Sometimes however I am busy so I have to beg one of the kids (the same kids who begged me for A DOG) to humor the dog. My children are not as patient or as good at faking non-eye contact as I am and soon the dog is inside crapping IN THE HOUSE. The smell. Oh heaven help us all, the smell. BUT!!!! WAIT!! No one can smell it but me!! That's right, apparently if you pretend not to smell it you don't have to clean it! WHAT THE??! The dog is outside now. We are not friends anymore.

2. Homework. KILL ME NOW! Our school district has this awesome "parent portal". It's a website that allows you to keep up with your children's progress. Grades, absences, MISSING FREAKING ASSIGNMENTS. I have reached the point where I don't even want to know. But I have to know. A. Because I am the mom, it's my job to know, and B. Because when the teacher calls, and she WILL call (I am on her freaking speed dial), and she reminds me again, that I can always check the parent portal if I am "concerned about my student" I want to be able to tell her that I am indeed very "concerned" and I check the portal every damn week, but somehow that is not magically making "my student" do his homework so does she have any other helpful tips or should I just quit my job and go on down to the school and do hers for her?!!HUH!!? That's what I thought.

3. The Mess. I am not Joan Crawford, really, I'm not. But once the filth in your bedroom reaches a certain level I am going to crack. That's all. Your room doesn't have to pass the white glove test but for the love of hell pick your clean clothes, the ones I BOUGHT AND WASHED, up off the floor. Please.

4. THE DAMN CATS. The cats have now decided to use our unfinished shower as a litter box. Even though there is a litter box IN THE UNFINISHED SHOWER as well as 57 other litter boxes scattered randomly about the house, they have apparently taken a vote and decided that if we aren't going to use that drain they will. I HATE CATS. Also, one of them woke me up 6 times last night either trying to get in my bedroom or out of my bedroom or scratching on some papers next to my bed, and it's very clear that the lack of sleep in addition to the smell in my unfinished shower is really taking a toll on my sanity.

5. The smartassedness. Please refer to 1-4 above. I am in no mood. Cut it out.


Monday, January 23, 2012

So, what's new?

How was your weekend? Mine was meh.

Friday I went to a funeral. I’ve decided that if you can get out of here and leave your grandkids weeping you win. Seriously. My newest goal is to be such a rocking grandma that my teenage grandchildren agree to give sobbing speeches at my funeral, because if you can bring teenagers to their knees you must have been an amazing person. That’s my theory anyway.

After the funeral we went to Jason’s for lunch. You know what I love about Jason’s? They use good tomatoes and they don’t skimp on the bacon. Best BLT in town. Also, free ice cream. There are no calories in free ice cream.

Saturday a tutor came to do math with my son while I watched basketball. I don’t know when I’ve had a more blissful 2 hours. Kentucky won and someone who actually knows something about Algebra helped get the homework done without any drama. Who needs spa treatments?

Saturday night we watched Moneyball. Have you seen it? I personally didn’t think it lived up to the hype.

Yesterday after church I had an opportunity to have a conversation with a crazy person. I seem to have a lot of opportunities to talk to crazy people. It’s not as thrilling as it sounds. You know those people who say stuff like “You should read this book about auras. Being able to see and read other people’s auras has changed my life!” Sometimes I wish crazy people could read my mind (or my aura) I think our conversations would be shorter.

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Can we talk about food?

Of course we can. But before we do, I feel like I need to apologize for getting that awful song stuck in anyone else's head. Sorry. I'm sure you'll be glad to hear that I did finally got rid of it and I'm sure you will too. Eventually.

Now, food.....This weekend a couple of things came to my attention and I'm not gonna lie, I'm puzzled by some of the things people eat. Really, what are you guys thinking?
First, I was on the chip aisle at the grocery story (an aisle I admittedly had no business being on in the first place) when I turned and saw these....... 
You guys!!! Those are ketchup flavored potato chips. Ketchup! 
Then, as if, after finding a treasure like chips covered in ketchup dust you would need any other flavor, I noticed that Barrel O' Fun also offers a BabyBack Rib variety. YUM!!! 
So, I have to ask, have any of you tasted either one of these tempting treats?

Next, lets talk about fried food. Fried seafood even. 
As a child I was taught to have a great appreciation for deep fried, well, anything. When I was in high school  my friends and I would even drive through the local Long John Silvers on a Friday night and order a box of "cruchies". Which, for those of you who don't know, is pretty much the dregs. Little blobs of fried batter. Basically, chunks of fried nothing
After I moved to Arizona  people raved about the local fish and chips joint. 
When I say people, I mean everyone. This place is so beloved that the natives buy and wear their T-shirts, their "secret" sauce is coveted, and everybody who's anybody has a bumper sticker.  
Me and my fondness for fried everything couldn't wait to get to know this establishment of greasy goodness.
 My new brother in law offered to take me.  He happens to be such a fan that he wore his t-shirt and drove me there in his bumper sticker adorned vehicle. No pressure.
People, the fish, was (and I assume still is) SQUARE. I was a surprised but I thought, "you know what? This is the desert, I betcha they don't know that fish aren't really square. Don't be so judgy." And I determined that I would taste it before I made any kind of  final call.
I must admit, the sauce helped. I think I said something like "mmm, interesting." Then pretended to remember a long lost fish allergy and it's accompanying nasty rash. 

On Saturday my husband conned me into going to a different local fish stand. I went because I, foolishly, assumed that there could not be TWO establishments in the same town that served square fish.
I was wrong.
So, I ordered shrimp. Fried shrimp, who could mess that up?
Heh....these guys, that's who.
I have NO idea what was going on with the shrimp....
......they looked like fried mustaches.
Which I have to say is a pretty good gimmick.
They tasted less like shrimp and more like fried. 
But not in the good way like those crunchies from Long John Silvers.

So, I really want to know, do you eat square fish? Do you like it?

Monday, January 9, 2012

This might not seem like an emergency to you....

....but my sanity (or um, the little bit that I possess and honestly cannot afford to lose) could be at stake.

You know that thing when you get a song stuck in your head and no matter how many other songs you listen to it won't go away?

UGH! You know what I wanna know? Why don't you ever get stuck with a good song?

Saturday I got into my car after my husband had driven it somewhere and there was some kind of 70's-80's R&B station playing. I don't remember what was playing first, something not bad enough to make me change the station immediately, next thing you know, before I even realized what was happening, I'm singing along to Secret Lovers.

That's right, I know the words to Secret Lovers, don't pretend like you don't.

When it got to "if we're found out it could mess up both our happy homes...."which was surely the understatement of the 80's (if you don't count "like a virgin, touched for the very first time" cause really, who did she think she was kidding?). I thought, this is the WORST SONG EVER! EVER!! And I turned the radio clean off! But it was too late, it's been playing on a loop in my head pretty much non-stop since then.

I'm going nuts over here. Anybody know a good home remedy for getting bad 80's music out of your brain?

Friday, January 6, 2012

Things I just don't understand.....no matter how hard I try.

Ok, a couple of these I haven't tried all that hard to understand, but my time is limited, ya know?

1. Watching movies at school~ What is going on nowadays? I hate to be one of those "back in my day" old ladies (not really, I love saying things like "why when I was a girl..."). My son brought home a list of "films" he may be asked to watch in his writing class. I'm supposed to sign it and send it back if I find the content acceptable. I haven't sent it back yet because frankly, I do not find it acceptable, I don't have any idea how the crap on this list, which included Alvin and the Chipmunks, could possibly make 7th graders better writers. Insight, anyone?

2. Gwyneth Paltrow~ I'm sure you've all heard about Gwyn's little website goop, where she tries to help those less refined become, um, more refined. But have you heard about this? Gwyneth is now selling, on her website, The goop Cleanse. You're going to have to click on the link to read more about it, but let me just say this, it ain't cheap to have your insides as clean as Gwyneth's, $425, however, it does come in chocolate, so......

3. Polarized Sunglasses~ What does that mean? Polarized? You know, in relation to sunglasses?

4. Bronies~ You guys, this is just weird. Weirder than Gwyneth's cleanse. Men who are My Little Pony fans. They're called Bronies. Here's a quote from the article I read at Wired~

“First we can’t believe this show is so good, then we can’t believe we’ve become fans for life, then we can’t believe we’re walking down the pink aisle at Toys R Us or asking for the girl’s toy in our Happy Meal,” Allen said in an e-mail to Wired.com. “Then we can’t believe our friends haven’t seen it yet, then we can’t believe they’re becoming bronies too.”

You know what? I can't believe it either!! Is it just me or is this kind of weird?

There you go, a few things to ponder over the weekend. You're welcome.

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Wow! January ALREADY?

Is it my imagination or did December zip by? (Or maybe it just seemed to zip by after I lost all those days in the black hole of jury duty.) Anyway, I'm not all that sad to see December or 2011 go. Not that 2011 was bad. Really, aside from that nervous breakdown I nearly had over my son deciding to get married, it was a pretty good year. But what's done is done, let's get on with 2012, shall we?

Before we do, can I just take a minute (or 10) and tell you about the awesomness that was under my tree on Christmas morning? 

I'm one of those people who really means it when she says please don't get me anything. I don't need anything and b.) I'm super picky when I do need something. It's better for all parties to just send some good vibes my way and call it a day. However.......once in a while a perfect gift comes along.....enter these 3 items that came into my life in December. 

1. Season 1 of Parenthood. (It was actually a birthday present, but who's counting?)
2. An ipod touch. Holy moly!! I asked for an ipod because I thought it would be helpful with my continuing goal (not new year's resolution) of becoming a world class runner. (Or maybe it's my goal of becoming a runner at all. Same dif.) Anyway....ipod touches are awesome!! I had no idea, it does so much more than play music. I'm loving the apps. Especially Instagram. 
 And, please notice, if you don't mind, the excellent Kentucky blue cover I found for it at Marshalls for $6.99. (Take that Target, with your silly $20.00 covers. Hmhpf!)
3. Last, but certainly not least, my very favorite gift was a letter from my son. Every year my kids ask me what I want for Christmas and Mother's Day and every year I tell them the same thing. Money. Kidding!! Real Estate. Hee. I'm so funny.

I tell them I don't want gifts. Because it's true. I really don't want gifts. (what else could I need anyway? I have an ipod.) 

This year our 19 year old wrote me a sweet letter. I was so surprised that I started kind of ugly crying in front of my new daughter-in-law. Nothing says welcome to the family like your new mother-in-law having a mini breakdown on Christmas morning.

What'd you get?

Monday, January 2, 2012

Meh, who needs resolutions?

I was going to write down some goals, but I got distracted.
I started listening to this-  While reading this-

Then I watched this-

It was the best New Year's Eve I've had in a while.