Tuesday, December 6, 2011

I know everyone loves to get mail, but.....

I'm starting to think our family is not cut out for holiday correspondence. Every year I feel compelled to write a letter.

I feel compelled mostly because I'm in an unofficial competition with my brothers.

I compete even though it's a contest I don't stand a chance of winning. Ever.

Here's why- Brother A always sends one of those "we hate to brag but our family is AWESOME, letters", which could make a person bitter except his family really is awesome and also practically perfect in every way. It's nauseating. Or it would be if they weren't also gracious and humble. Jerks. Brother B (or rather his lovely clever wife) sends this darling letter every year that has been "written" by my niece. It's cute and funny and EVERY YEAR my granny goes on and on about it, like it's the most original thing she's ever seen (even though it's the exact same gimmick they've been using since she was 2. As if a 2 year old could write a Christmas letter. Sheesh.) "That little Annie is just so funny!". Brother C just keeps having adorable little kids. It's like they have one, then before the rest of us know what's going on, BOOM, here comes another cute kid. What the heck? Who can compete with that?

Our family is none of these things, we are not perfect, nor are we spunky, and we are all out of cute little babies. We are Sarcasm. That's right. Some people are Anorexia, we're Sarcasm. Even though it's a lot of work to have the entire family be good at the same thing, shockingly, some people don't have a real appreciation for our talent.

I've tried not sending a letter, but since I don't have pictures of new babies to distract from the lack of words I get all kinds of grief from old ladies who want to know what we've been up to (though I secretly suspect they just want to compare my kids to Brother A's kids).

My husband and kids HATE the letter. They complain that I over share or that I'm not as funny as I think I am (as IF). I get tired of their yammering, so this year I told them they could each write me a paragraph about themselves and I would cut and paste it un-edited.

Possibly not the best idea I've ever had.

Here are a few quotes-

"I’m going to tell you about what I did this year. I finished 5th grade. I thought it was never going to end."

"Howdy! The year started off great when I wore the cat shirt I got for Christmas back to school. Everyone loved it."

"*** has had a great year. He started a prestigious job at Harkins in April" 

In the past some years I have written 2 letters. A funny letter for those who have a sense of humor and another for the grandparents. This year I don't have the energy for it. This winner is printed and on it's way to your mailbox. Some people should be careful what they wish for.


Karen said...

This is a great idea ... coming from someone who does nothing every year!

tarable said...

Awesome. Send me one. E-mail will suffice.

lori.huffaker said...

I think your kids are super funny, way funnier than that Annie.

SymbioticLife said...

I totally feel your pain! Sarcasm rules supreme in my portion of the family. We are definitely the "black sheep". Loved but definitely not "the smart ones", the "perfect ones", or "the cute ones".