Wednesday, October 5, 2011

What would really help me out is one of those personal stylists and maybe some liquor.

Tomorrow is my son’s wedding. Fortunately I have so many things distracting me I probably won’t even have a minute to think about it until it’s over, and then, “Que sera, sera”, what are you gonna do, eh?

Some of the pressing issues on my plate are~

*Explaining, again, to my daughter why she cannot wear green nail polish to the wedding. The reason is because I am mean. Obviously.

*My mother is in town. Trying to keep her sweet tooth from turning my children into sugar crazed maniacs is a full time job. I have never seen an adult require so much junk food. She went with me to grab milk a couple of nights ago and picked up a few things for herself~
The woman has candy stashed all over the place. We went to Target and she said to my daughter, “Honey, would you like some Oreos? Grandma will buy you some.” Of COURSE she would like some Oreos. She’s a KID!! By the time we got to the checkout she had loaded the cart with Oreos, Pop tarts, and some Jack-o-lantern shaped Reese’s. I felt kind of bad making her put half of it back. She's an adult after all, but I think we've already established that I am mean, so, whatever.

{Wellllll, thankfully, as I was writing this post about being distracted enough not to think about the impending nuptials, my mother, ever the realist, has just come in to tell me how scary the real world is and how worried she is for my son to face it. Marriage is hard, says she (and she should know, she’s tried it a few times), so many things can go wrong. Seriously. I would have thought I was safe sitting in my office in the dark at 4:30 in the morning. But NOOOO, she pulled up a chair and told me how much she and my dad struggled and how these kids just don't have any idea what they're in for. I don’t think I have to tell you how comforting it was to hear the details (again) of a few relationships that ended badly on the eve of my first child’s wedding. My mother always knows just what to say. She used to answer phones for the crisis line back home. I wonder why she doesn’t do that anymore...... Then, out of nowhere, because I cannot ever just agree with her about anything, I heard myself calmly repeating all of the reassuring things my friends have been saying to me for months about young love and things working out and no one having any idea what they are getting into or they would never get married. So thanks friends!! My mom feels a lot better now, but she still doesn't think you should be able to use food stamps at McDonalds. (don't ask. it's hard keeping her pinned to one topic)} 

~Ok, back to the things I’m thinking about to keep from thinking about tomorrow.~

*The ten thousand things I will do without realizing them that will offend my husband’s family who arrive en masse this evening. Don’t let anyone tell you every cloud doesn’t have a silver lining.

*Should I wear patterned stockings to the wedding? Or am I too old for that?

*Speaking of what I'm wearing, I think I got the wrong shoes. They have this little ruffle thing that's not really me. Also, the buttons on my sweater are all wrong, should I change them? No one's going to be looking at me, right? Except in all those wedding pictures that will never ever go away?


Karen said...

I can feel the tension in your shoulders right now. Aye yi yi! When Kacey got married, she pretty much had to pick out what I was wearing ... because I don't do that very well. When Matt got married, I changed my outfit three times ... and the first one was just as acceptable as the third. Just have an Oreo, put those patterned stockings on and do a jig ... because it's almost over my dear!

Brittany said...

Wear the patterned stockings, let your kid have two oreos a day until Grandma leaves and then throw them away because Oreos are gross. I have the same problem with my in-laws btw, who eat dressing with a sprinkle of iceberg lettuce and call it salad.

Todd said...

FYI, she doesn't really eat that junk. It's just kiddie bait. She really wants to be the favorite Grandma. Oh, and her dog can see ghosts.

Ginger said...

It's going to be okay!!! Just remember to breathe! :)

And don't listen to your mom's fears... that's all they are. That doesn't mean that's going to be your son's experience.

And hang in there... it's almost over!

And I'm hoping my kids all elope and call me after it's over. Seriously! In fact, maybe I'll bribe them to do that with cash.