Friday, October 21, 2011

Pine Nut, Pistachio Nut, Red Pistachio Nut...

Whew! It's been a long week,eh?

This was parent teacher conference week. At our daughter's school the 6th grade rotates through 4 classrooms and  4 teachers everyday, so, instead of having 4 conferences, they do an "open house" style conference. A style, I learned this week, that is the least effective way to find out how your child is really doing at school. Since there are no appointments you just kind of hang around while the teacher talks to the parents who got there before you. Depending on how busy things are, if you want to talk to the teacher, you might have to be a little pushy. There didn't seem to be any of that first come first served business going on, it was all about eye contact and lurking in an eavesdroppy way so you make the parents she's currently talking to uncomfortable enough to wrap up their conversations. It was a little nuts. I decided I didn't care that much. If there's something pressing they can write me a note. I looked around at the junk writing assignments on the walls and headed out to meet with the band teacher because, guess what? He made appointments! I've gotta tell ya, it's feast or famine over there. While the classroom teachers were the pinnacle of laidbackedness, the band teacher was over the top serious. When I sat down he handed me a copy of a paper that I'd signed at the beginning of the year, you know, one of those, um, I will make my child practice, I will be on time to concerts, I will blah, blah, blah. Class rules and all that stuff. I thought he was like reminding me because I was in trouble or something, but he says, "This is for you. A copy for your records." For real? I don't know what kind of record keeper this guy takes me for, but I've got too many kids with too many teachers, all of whom want me and my kid to sign some kind of oath at the start of the school year. Please! I keep my copies of those documents in a special place, called the recycling bin. Because I care about rules and the environment.

Do you watch Parenthood? If the answer is yes, thanks for telling me that new season started like 5 weeks ago! Not that I would have had time to watch TV, but still, you could have told me. I've been catching up by watching a couple of episodes a night this week. I don't know why I love it so much, probably because I'm such a sucker for Craig T. Nelson. JUST KIDDING!! Every week it makes me laugh and cry, plus, great soundtrack. Bonus!!

We got a puppy. I don't yet know if this will be good news or bad, but she's cute, you know, like puppies can be when they feel like it. We thought with Halloween and ghost season upon us it was a good time to get a dog. Better safe than sorry I always say.

Speaking of dogs, you know what's funny? This~

And this~

And also, this is the funniest thing I've read all week, possibly all month. (*Bad word warning, but soo funny....in an eww kind of way.....oh never mind. Look away.)

Thursday, October 13, 2011

Never a dull moment

As you know my mother was in town for my son’s wedding, and proving that the goofball (me) doesn’t fall far from the tree (her) there have been many, many things that I have wanted to tell you about her visit but I have used my other super power-restraint-and kept my story telling to a respectful minimum. (For those of you who are on my speed-dial and now know things about my mom that might keep you from making eye contact if you were to come upon her in public, I don’t know what to say, being my friend/brother/sister-in-law is both a blessing an a curse. I’m sure you’ll find a way to move on.)

However, I can’t be expected to hold everything back.

My mom has a dog. Spooky, er, I mean, Sophie. Sophie is a dust mop, er, I mean, shitzhu. My mom also has a boyfriend, who is a widower and a dog sitter. Talk about convenient! While my mom was here, Sophie was back home staying at the boyfriend’s house. Bless his heart.

My mother is not unlike a teenage girl with a beau. She talks on the phone several times a day with her boyfriend and is also quite handy with the text message when it’s called for, which it seems to be quite often. But that’s a whole 'nother story.

A few days ago, after her early morning love chat, she came into my office and wanted to tell me what had happened with little Sophie the night before, and because I cannot resist a cute dog story, I gave her my full attention, I know you would have too.

“This morning Jim asked me if Sophie had ever seen a ghost before, and I told him yes, she had. We used to live in a house that was haunted. I even saw the ghost a few times. Don’t laugh, they’re real!” 

I can’t even tell you what a comfort it is to me to know that my mother has finally found her soul mate. When you find yourself not the least bit surprised to be having a conversation about your ghost busting dog with your new boyfriend you are a match. Made. In. Heaven. Seriously.

Turns out brave little Sophie had been barking at what, to the naked eye, looked like, um, nothing. All night. Those in the know, know that dogs who bark at nothing are a sure sign of paranormal activity. Who knew?

That’s right, when your dog does that thing where he just stands around barking at imaginary stuff he is not just trying to drive you nuts or make you wish you were a cat person. No, most likely your pup is in the presence of a ghost. BOO! But don’t worry!!! My mom told Jim (and me), it was likely just his dead wife and she won’t hurt him, or Sophie. Ghosts don’t want to hurt us. (Are you as relieved as I was to hear that?)

If you guys had any idea how hard it was for me to listen to this story with only a minimal amount of mockery you would be so proud of me right now. I RESISTED, I only made a few cracks, most of them went unnoticed due to the intensity of the moment.

I feel certain now that even though my mom has made it clear she doesn’t want a serious relationship at this time, this incident with the poltergeist has brought these love birds closer together and created a bond that will last at least through Valentines Day.

Friday, October 7, 2011


It's done. 
They're hitched and we all survived (mostly) unscathed. It was a good day, sweet and happy, just like it's supposed to be.

I'm exhausted and I'm going to go take a nap, but first I wanted to say thanks for all of the sweet comments you guys have left here while I've been having my months of hysteria and over-reaction and also to say that I seriously have the best friends in the world. I have had so much help and more offers to help than I could have ever imagined or needed, enough that I believe we could have staged a royal type wedding had it been required. Best of all has been the unending emotional support. The calls and e-mails and text messages from people who have more than enough going on in their own lives yet still remembered me. I surely don't deserve you but I don't know what I would do without you. 

Thank You!!

Thursday, October 6, 2011

And now for something other than sobby wedding talk....

So, I know you think I’ve just been sitting around wallowing about “the big event”, and you’re mostly right, but while I was wallowing I made time to read a book. Shocking, isn’t it? How to be an AmericanHousewife by Margaret Dilloway is less about being a housewife in America, or anywhere else, and more about relationships and how we complicate them.

Shoko is an aging Japanese woman who came to America as a young woman after marrying an America soldier. She has spent her adult life trying to be a good wife and mother in a country and culture completely different from the ones she was raised in. Meanwhile, back in Japan she left fractured family relationships that she desperately wants to repair before she dies.

The biggest thing I got from this story was a reminder that we never really have a clear picture of our relationships with others. Between not saying what we truly mean, and behaving in ways which we either think are expected by others, or in ways that we hope will bring a desired result instead of just doing and saying what is real, we make things so much harder than they need to be.

I didn’t find myself terribly drawn into this book, it was ok, but I never felt like there was enough depth to it. I was also bothered that the author made Shoko’s husband a Mormon but, based on the way she wrote about him, didn’t seem to have much knowledge of the faith.  Over all it was ok, the premise was interesting, but it just didn’t quite grab me.

*This post is part of a compensated review program atBlogHer. I was paid to read the book, but the opinions are my own.

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

What would really help me out is one of those personal stylists and maybe some liquor.

Tomorrow is my son’s wedding. Fortunately I have so many things distracting me I probably won’t even have a minute to think about it until it’s over, and then, “Que sera, sera”, what are you gonna do, eh?

Some of the pressing issues on my plate are~

*Explaining, again, to my daughter why she cannot wear green nail polish to the wedding. The reason is because I am mean. Obviously.

*My mother is in town. Trying to keep her sweet tooth from turning my children into sugar crazed maniacs is a full time job. I have never seen an adult require so much junk food. She went with me to grab milk a couple of nights ago and picked up a few things for herself~
The woman has candy stashed all over the place. We went to Target and she said to my daughter, “Honey, would you like some Oreos? Grandma will buy you some.” Of COURSE she would like some Oreos. She’s a KID!! By the time we got to the checkout she had loaded the cart with Oreos, Pop tarts, and some Jack-o-lantern shaped Reese’s. I felt kind of bad making her put half of it back. She's an adult after all, but I think we've already established that I am mean, so, whatever.

{Wellllll, thankfully, as I was writing this post about being distracted enough not to think about the impending nuptials, my mother, ever the realist, has just come in to tell me how scary the real world is and how worried she is for my son to face it. Marriage is hard, says she (and she should know, she’s tried it a few times), so many things can go wrong. Seriously. I would have thought I was safe sitting in my office in the dark at 4:30 in the morning. But NOOOO, she pulled up a chair and told me how much she and my dad struggled and how these kids just don't have any idea what they're in for. I don’t think I have to tell you how comforting it was to hear the details (again) of a few relationships that ended badly on the eve of my first child’s wedding. My mother always knows just what to say. She used to answer phones for the crisis line back home. I wonder why she doesn’t do that anymore...... Then, out of nowhere, because I cannot ever just agree with her about anything, I heard myself calmly repeating all of the reassuring things my friends have been saying to me for months about young love and things working out and no one having any idea what they are getting into or they would never get married. So thanks friends!! My mom feels a lot better now, but she still doesn't think you should be able to use food stamps at McDonalds. (don't ask. it's hard keeping her pinned to one topic)} 

~Ok, back to the things I’m thinking about to keep from thinking about tomorrow.~

*The ten thousand things I will do without realizing them that will offend my husband’s family who arrive en masse this evening. Don’t let anyone tell you every cloud doesn’t have a silver lining.

*Should I wear patterned stockings to the wedding? Or am I too old for that?

*Speaking of what I'm wearing, I think I got the wrong shoes. They have this little ruffle thing that's not really me. Also, the buttons on my sweater are all wrong, should I change them? No one's going to be looking at me, right? Except in all those wedding pictures that will never ever go away?

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Speaking of crying....

I just watched the video/slide show that will be playing on a loop at the reception Thursday and I would like to go on the record as saying this business of letting our kids grow up and get married is stupid.


Monday, October 3, 2011

I cry even when it's not my party

I'm a big crybaby. I cry when I'm happy, when I'm sad, when I'm mad, when I'm tired.......

I go through a lot of tissues.

This week my mother is in town, my in-laws will be here in 2 days, my son is getting married, and my daughter has a band concert.

The next few days look to be a little wet.