Thursday, August 18, 2011

Nothing good can possibly come from educating the children.

Last night I woke up 3 times drenched in worry and sweat that I’ve failed as a mother because I can’t remember how to multiply mixed numbers.

It’s pretty shocking, considering how often I have a need to work with mixed numbers, which is NEVER! People- we should not be mixing our numbers! It will lead our youth to anarchy and quite possibly a wide range of nervous conditions. I, for one, am not afraid to stand up and say that I am against math in all it’s ugly forms. So there.

I hate school. It’s only been back in session for a week and it’s killing me. I hate carpools and homework and school lunches and MATH (I so super hate the math). You’re probably not going to believe this but all of those things in their individual forms give me anxiety-- you cannot even imagine the amount of stress they cause me combined. (I can hear my brother slapping his forehead right now and saying something like “For crying out loud! Get over it already!!”…for the record, young man, that is not very compassionate.)

You know what I don’t hate? This shirt I bought my son which he wore on the first day of school~

I can’t help it, I think it’s hilarious. Hi-lar-i-ous!!

I didn’t hate back to school shopping with my son. It was fun, especially the part where the 10 year old girl who works at PacSun called me honey. It was cute.

Back to school shopping with my daughter was a different story (and thus goes my life). We went to Forever 21. For years now I’ve been trying to figure out what they mean by FOREVER 21, I think I’ve figured it out, it’s the physical measurement of the person who all of their clothes are supposed to fit. It’s not forever 21, the age, it’s forever 21, like your waist in 7th grade. Also, that little trick of theirs where they play annoying music really loudly while your daughter points out all of the tiny clothes she loves that confuse you because they look just like the clothes you wore in 1985 and soon the room is spinning and you think you’re having a flashback but really it’s just a tactic to make you say “Yes! Yes, I will buy you that whole stack to cheap jewelry and the puffy mini skirt and cut up sweatshirt ala Madonna’s Holiday video can we just get the heck out of here?!!” I could do without that.

I vote for longer vacations. Can I get an Amen?


tarable said...

No, you can not get an amen. I love school. My children are finally all in school & I have a few minutes peace every day. I vote for year round school.

(Sorry it's so stressful for you. We should do lunch or something.)

Karen said...

Amen, amen, amen! Honestly, sometimes I can't believe we're not related. Stress has reached an all-time high around here. I've already gotten my first email from a teacher asking me to kindly speak to my child about talking in class (child, of course, states that he was not talking) and we were up all night trying to learn vocabulary words that I'm sure were not known by Webster back in my day.

Math? Shhhh. We don't say that word around Momma Shaker.

I'm going to close my eyes now and dream of my last two boys, dressed in cap & gown, diploma in hand ... and me sobbing from complete exhaustion/happiness. That will be excellent. Excellent I say!

Ginger said...

That's so funny that you ended this post this way. I was saying "AMEN" all the way through this post. ha ha ha ha.

I love math, but I have to read the stupid book every time they ask me for help because I can't remember how to do any of it anymore!

And I HATE, LOATHE, DETEST school clothes shopping. We did it almost all online this year and then I sent my two older kids off by themselves to do the rest without me. It was like winning the lottery not to have to go with them and endure that torture! It would have been perfect if I wouldn't have gotten a call from them at the gas station (55 miles away) telling me that they locked the keys in the car.

Oh - and I love your son's shirt too! Too funny!

Patty Ann said...

I hate school shopping too!! Amen!! Love your sons shirt, and the boys are always easier to shop for!

Dixie Mom said...

Stopped by from MMB. I had to laugh right out loud at this post. Between the perfume and music pouring out of the stores, I tell my daughters...for the love of sanity...please hurry and get the freak out of here. I'm the worst shopping Mom.
Cute post.

Lara said...

Augh. 4th grade math killed me two years ago. I was spending hours online trying to figure out how to do it. So for 5th grade we got a tutor and it was so worth it! :)

Angela Noelle of SK said...

That T-shirt is hilarious...as is your post. Swinging by from down under via MMB.