Wednesday, June 29, 2011

A short story about dogs

Cats are selfish and they hate me.

I am a not really a cat person, I tolerate them but I don’t love them. I am not drawn to them. I am the person who is home most often and cares the most about keeping the living things in our house…..living. I am a dog person. So naturally we do not have a dog. No, instead, because I am married to a man in an old cat lady’s body, we have cats. THREE. That is a minimum of 2 too many.

One of the cats is old, 15 years old. I like her. She’s crotchety. She and I get along. The other two have been with us for about a year. My son found one of them, a kitten abandoned, while he was walking home from school. I’m a sucker.

A sucker who no longer allows her children to walk home from school. It’s dangerous.

My husband, the cat lady, reasoned that it was unfair to have a kitten without a playmate. I said that the kitten should just be grateful that she was not left under a dusty bush to die by sizzling in the Arizona sun. I am not a cat person, so naturally I lost this argument and ANOTHER kitten came to live with us. These kittens are both female. They are named Carlos and Steve. Of course.

Steve has recently decided peeing on the sofa is a good idea. Steve is wrong. I told my husband Steve has to move out. I don’t care where she goes but she has peed on my sofa for the last time.

My husband, the cat lady, was very sad to hear that I wanted to evict Steve. Steve is a nice cat with a fun personality. I said furniture that smells like cat pee is not my idea of fun.

He walked down the street to chat with out neighbor, his mentor, a woman who has an enclosed “cat run” in her backyard containing approximately 30 cats. THIRTY. He came home with great news. Steve is probably upset because she doesn’t have her own litter box. Natch. Apparently, the recommended litter box math is 3 cats = 4 litter boxes multiplied by 1 annoyed wife who doesn’t even have her own shower.

I would like to be a gentle person, but I am starting to suspect it is not my lot in life.

We “compromised” on 3 litter boxes. THREE LITTER BOXES!! (I’m sorry, was I shouting?)

Steve is at the vet today being spayed. When she returns she will have one week to never pee on my sofa again or go live down the street with 30 other cats where I seriously doubt she will have her very own private litter box.

1 comment:

lori.huffaker said...

I'm with you, I am not a cat person either. I guess I would consider myself a dog person since we have always had one, but really I just live with a dog person and like you, have adapted(given in) to their reasonings. When my really old dog finally dies....I am putting my foot down. It wil probably land in our new puppies poo.