Monday, May 23, 2011

Next thing you know they'll want me to applaud when they take out garbage.

I can't believe I showed you guys that prom picture and the rapture was postponed. I sure did not see that coming.

Can we chat about graduation for a moment? Not the high school graduation that my son (fingers crossed) will participate in on Thursday, or college graduations, I'm all for recognitions of those accomplishments. I'm talking about all of the "other" graduations. Preschool, Kindergarten, 6th grade, Jr. High, Traffic School (kidding, I think)........

Holy Cow! How many times must a person graduate? And why? Is this one of those self-esteem things? ('Cause those really bug me....down with self-esteem!! I'm kidding. Kind of.) Am I the only one who thinks it's a bit much? Every time one of our kids has "graduated" from elementary school I've been struck by the big deal people make of it. Flowers, balloons, mom's in mini-skirts. Seriously!? I don't want my kids to think finishing elementary school is overly impressive. As far as I'm concerned you don't get a party for doing what you're supposed to do. If that were the case some should be throwing me a party 2 or 3 times a week.

Don't get me wrong, when my precious child graduates from 6th grade this week I will be there to take his picture, but I am NOT buying him a car.

Friday, May 20, 2011

Before I run out of time.....

....there are a few things I'd like to leave with you as we head into Rapture Weekend.
1. I read this book and wrote a review about it as part of BlogHer's new book review section. I liked it. Mostly. You can read my review right here

2. I found this picture from my prom and thought before the world ends I should it to you. You owe me one.

3. Speaking of hair I had someone cut about 4 inches off mine today. When my husband came home he told me he liked it the other way better. What?! Don't you want him to be honest? 
Me either.  Good thing he only has to look at it for about 12 more hours.

4.  If you are on Twitter, be sure to follow Rapture Tech Desk for all of your up to the minute Rapture type need to know updates. Who says Twitter is a waste of time? 

Monday, May 16, 2011

The following events are in no particular order.

I thought last week would never end. There’s so much going on around here, I would love to tell you all about it, but I’ve been watching a lot of old X-Files and I’ve decided “Trust No One” is a pretty good rule to live by.

Here’s what I can tell you~

My husband and I chaperoned at the 6th grade dance. Wow! 6th graders have really changed in the 65 or so years since I was 12. The music was loud, the girls were mature (looking), I was frightened and I think the boys were too. 6th grade dances aren’t really a positive experience for anyone.

Our oldest son told us he’s planning to get married. An idea I wasn’t really planning to explore for a few more years. Over the weekend we went out to dinner with our son, his girlfriend, and his future IN-LAWS!!!! They’re very nice people.

My mother lost her job. Well, it’s not really lost, she knows where it is, it’s just not hers anymore. As with all things involving my mother the story doesn’t end there, but my attorney has advised me not to say anything more in this type of public forum or in any room that might be rigged with “listening devices”.

Yesterday I was supposed to write a letter to my son who is going on a 3 day pretend pioneer trek in a couple of weeks. I haven’t written the letter yet because forced sentiment is so hard for me, it’s almost harder than real sentiment. I’m thinking of either writing a sad letter telling him that after he took off with the Mormons I had no one to look after the cow so it died and now there’s no milk for the baby. I hope he’s happy. Or I’m just going to print out one of those pictures of a cat playing the piano and put it in the envelope. I believe that would be just as inspirational as any letter I could write.

On Thursday I realized the birthday present I bought 3 weeks ago for one my favorite people is still sitting in my office. It needs to be in Switzerland in 6 days. It’s still here. I don’t think it’s going to make it.

On Saturday I went to Home Depot and spent a million dollars on plants for our front yard that will not survive a month due to a combination of the scorching fireball above my house and lack of nurture from the nutball inside my house (that’s me). On the way home I saw one of those “The end is upon us!!” May 21st billboards and I realized that I didn’t even need to bother having those 6 panic attacks I had last week, because thanks to my wicked nature, if all goes as planned, the earth will open wide and swallow me up in just a few short days. I know it’s true because Oprah is ending her show and why would she do that if she didn’t have some kind of inside knowledge about the end of the world? Exactly!

Friday, May 13, 2011

Hey! What about this?!

Report season is finally wrapping up and I for one could not be more thrilled to have had this opportunity to learn all kinds of things about Virginia, New Zealand, Syphilis, and waiting until the last possible moment to tell your mother you need one of those trifold poster boards.

Dear Summer Vacation~You can’t get here fast enough!

On Mother’s Day our daughter gave me this sweet little note that describes me. It’s dead on. If I ever get lost you can print this for the FBI search team.

I’m reading this morning that Ashton Kutcher is to replace Crazypants Sheen on Two and a Half Men. For some reason I am curious about this. I’ve never watched even on episode, but now I’m wondering. Will it be like when that one girl replaced that other girl who played Rosanne’s daughter, will Ashton just show up and be Charlie and everyone pretend that it’s all good even though the first Becky was way more like what we’d imagined a child of Rosanne to be like?

One last thing, I LOVE to listen when my husband talks to his mom on the phone. Hearing his side of the conversation never fails to entertain me. A couple of weeks ago they were talking and he told her something he had found out about something, the actual details are not important, what’s important is the exchange that followed~

Mother-in-law~ “How do you know that’s true?”

Husband~ “Because I looked it up.”

Mother-in-law~ “Why on earth would you look up something like that?”

Husband~ “Because, mom, I’m curious, like a cat. That’s why my friends call me Whiskers.”

Mother-in-law~ “I didn’t know your friends called you Whiskers. Which friends call you Whiskers?”

At this point I had to leave the room because I was laughing so hard.

This is why~

Thursday, May 12, 2011

Keep moving, nothing to see here.

You know how there are things you HAVE to do because you're the mom and someone has do them, if not you who? Things that aren't going to do themselves. Things you don't feel like doing, things you feel compelled to put on mascara for because you don't want your children to be humiliated by your unpainted face, things you think are stupid or annoying? (I suppose, if we were to get technical, stupid things always annoy me.) I have about 10 or 57 of those kinds of things to do today and, sit down, you're going to be shocked, I don't fell like doing ANY of them. I'm starting to think those stinking kids of mine are taking advantage of my good nature. What? At times I can be good natured. Ask (almost) anyone.

If I had a backbone I'd take to my bed with a dozen doughnuts but I'm weak so I'm gonna go get my make up on and face day. Wish me luck.

Friday, May 6, 2011

Got your trifecta all figured out?

I’ve settled on Pants on Fire, to win, great name and ridden by a woman, how can I lose?  In second place I have Comma to the Top, (what's not to love about a horse who appreciates grammar?), with Midnight Interlude in third, because coincidentally, he too will be wearing pink, just like my other two picks. It's very scientific. Bookies call me for advice all the time.

Have I told you how much I love the Kentucky Derby? I always get all choked up when they show the back stories about the trainers and the jockeys. What can I say? I’m a big sap.

Best Derby Day EVER, right HERE.

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Is there anything more fun than having your picture taken?

Oh you guys.....Remember the olden days when your mom would pack up the whole family and head down to K-mart where a “professional” would sit you and your brothers on a wobbly folding table covered in a blanket made out of carpet and take your pictures in front of one of 5 realistic looking pull-down backgrounds featuring things like autumn foliage and rustic wagon wheels?

Those were good times.

We had family pictures taken a couple of weeks ago.

Having family pictures taken is pretty much guaranteed to bring out a few of my lunatic tendencies (my kids will happily tell you there is a long list of things that bring out my lunatic tendencies, considering their limited life experience I don’t really feel that they’re in any position to throw those kinds of stones but they do it anyway). The fact that the pictures turned out well is a testament to the talent and patience of our fabulous photographer. It was sort of like going to the zoo and telling the monkeys and the hissing cockroaches that they’re related and will need to stand next to each other for the next hour without picking bugs off each other and without hissing. EASY!!

There was a lot of this~

In the week leading up to our sitting I spent way too much time and energy trying to decide what I was going to wear.  The most common thought running through my head was-“What will my mother-in-law think if I wear this?”

Clearly I have not gained as much emotional independence as I thought. What kind of sad grown up am I pretending to be?

At the last minute, I decided to break from my boring everyday hair and go with curly. A decision that will probably haunt me the same way that blue eye shadow I wore in 1983 does-- it's still making appearances in the spare bedroom at my granny’s house if you don't believe me and want to see it. (By the way, anyone feel like making a trillion dollar bet that the first thing Granny says when she sees our pictures is, “Mmm, Sue’s put on a little weight hasn’t she?” This will be followed by, “Why on earth are they standing in an alley? People are just too casual these days. Hmpf.” And finally, “Where are all of Sullivan’s other wives?”)

I know a lot of people are fond of matching outfits and formal poses, but I told our kids they could wear whatever they wanted, within reason, if they would just show up and cooperate. I called it a compromise and less embarrassing than me getting drunk before being photographed. (I’ve been making a lot of “I oughta get drunk” jokes lately, anyone care to analyze?)

Much like childbirth, when it's all over it seems like it wasn't that bad and you'd probably be willing to do it again........in a couple of years.

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

I feel sort of bad for the sisters

But if you go around wearing a "hat" like that, you get what you get, right?