Monday, February 28, 2011

What's Craig T. Nelson up to these days anyway?

My kids are watching Poltergeist. I'm having a hard time deciding if it's worse that I'm letting them stay up to watch it on a school night or that I once thought Poltergeist was the best movie ever.

Sunday, February 27, 2011

About the Oscars pt 2

Look, I know it’s easy for me to sit here in my pajamas tweeting about those famous movie peoples as they walk the red carpet in their borrowed earrings making themselves easy targets, but for reals.....how can they stand all the sitting around all night sucking up to each other and pretending to admire one another, the whole time not being able to breathe in those crazy dresses. Speaking of dresses, how many did Anne Hathaway go through? Hint....way too many.

And another thing....wasn’t my boyfriend Colin so dreamy? Sigh.

About the Oscars

 Absolutely NOT. 
Oh, Sharon honey, what were you thinking?
 I should be so lucky to look like this someday.

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Lack of sleep is taking a toll on my sanity.

Or it would be, if I'd had any sanity to begin with.

The recovery is coming along nicely.

For my husband.

Last night was the first time in a week that I've gotten a good night's rest, that's because he slept....um....I don't really know where he slept, but it wasn't with me (the recliner I think), which meant no tossing, no turning, no loud sighing, no getting up 6 or 7 times and putting on HIS FLIP FLOPS, for who knows what, to flip and flop in and out of the bedroom because it's, um, you know, nighttime and you should always wear shoes to the kitchen or the bathroom, or where ever the heck it is that you're going all stinking night long.  I know it's not his fault that he's uncomfortable and I'm a light sleeper, but it is making me a tich cranky. I ain't exactly a model of compassion as it is. I'm not proud of it, but it's true, I've heard tell that there are nicer wives than me.

In other news, or the same story, different angle....The Rockford Files Marathon continues. This evening I over heard my husband explaining to the children that Mr. Rockford can't carry because he's been in prison, though he does have one, which keeps in his cookie jar (probably a trick he learned in the slammer). These are details that will surely serve them well later in life.

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Then I realized it was my lucky day.

Which means it was someone else's unlucky day.  Yin/Yang and all that jazz.

This morning my husband had a tiny surgical procedure (torn rotator cuff). He’d never been “under the knife” before and he was a little bit nervous. Luckily the hospital has this fantastic program in place to help you forget all your troubles.

In fact I think they call it “There’s always somebody worse off than you.”

Here’s how it works. You get all dressed up in one of those backless hospital gowns and settle into a “comfy” bed in one of those cozy curtained cubicles at least an hour before the procedure is scheduled to begin. They make sure the room is chilly so you can blame your shakes on the cold instead of your nerves. Then, when you think you can't stand the anticipation any longer, the show starts.

Behind the curtain to the left you hear a woman ask to speak to the anesthesiologist. She needs to let him know that twice before she has woken up in the middle of surgery. Once when she was having an exploratory procedure and once when she was having the toenails on her right foot removed.

You might be surprised at how badly you want to yank the curtain open and get a look at this woman. Especially when she adds that thanks to her smoking coach she’s down to 3 cigarettes a day. (Did you know smoking coach was a real job? Cause I didn’t. I’m dying to know what that resume looks like.)

The fun has barely ended behind curtain #1, when across the aisle, you hear the nurse ask her patient if he has any metal in his body. “No. No metal. Well, except.... I do have a surgical needle stuck in some fatty tissue. Been there about 3 years.” The most amazing part of that little exchange was how the nurse didn’t even seem to be alarmed by the idea that this man has been going about his business for 3 YEARS with a NEEDLE stuck inside him.

Just when you think it can’t get any more interesting in the pre-surgery holding area, the curtain to your right pipes up. When asked if she has any questions, the patient wonders “if this rash around her left nipple will keep her doctor from operating?”

I can’t speak for her doctor, but if it were up to me.......

Sadly a few minutes later we learn that her sugar count is a whopping 371 and she didn’t need to bother mentioning that rash after all. Her nurse informs her that there is no way Dr. No is going to cut her open with a count that high and, by any chance, has she forgotten to mention that she’s diabetic?

Next thing you know an hour has passed and being knocked out and cut up seems like a great alternative to hanging out with these guys for one more minute.

*all of these things really happened, and I'm pretty sure the participants were not actors.
**my husband has decided that streaming episodes of The Rockford Files is very important to his recovery, James Garner has been solving crimes in my family room for the past 6 hours. Awesomeness. Truly. 

Monday, February 7, 2011

A few questions from the weekend

Is it wrong that when I saw this headline my first thought was "That's Karma for ya."?

What makes this fancy? Is it the raisins or the medley? Because I think they're just trying to pull a fast one. 
We're talking about raisins here, it's going to take more than putting "Fancy" on the label to convince me there's anything more than old grapes in that container.

Does anyone else think SuperBowl halftime shows are getting worse every year? What's the criteria there? And who's in charge of that?

Thursday, February 3, 2011

Paddy Simcox

The other day my daughter and I were having a little follow up talk about periods and pad usage and whatnot. You know, just a regular old after school chat. At some point I told her that when the time comes she might want to have a little calendar to keep track of her cycle.

“For how long?” she asked.

“Well,” I told her, “You’ll have a period until you’re old like me.”

Her head whipped around “You’ve got to be KIDDING?! Every month?! That’s just stupid.”

Poor thing.

Last Saturday we went out to dinner with our son. When the waitress came to take our orders he said, “I’ll have the try-o.”

“Oh, you mean the seafood trio?” She asked.

Without looking up he said, “I’ve heard it both ways”  We died. It was so funny.

I really like my Kindle, so much that when people ask me about it, I turn into Ron Popeil. Suddenly I have to convince them how awesome and handy it is. It’s embarrassing.

If I’ve tried to “sell” you a Kindle, I’m sorry. I have issues.