Saturday, September 25, 2010

You know he's a hit at the club

Have you seen this video? The dad is crazy for Justin Bieber. I'd love to see him throw down to some Lady Gaga!

Friday, September 24, 2010

The point of this post is that Secretariat is a really good movie.

I thought I’d spell it out, because after re-reading it I wasn’t sure if you’d be able to pick up what I was putting down. Naturally those of you who are intuitive, or who know me well, will have no problem getting the gist of things, but for those less gifted I thought I’d throw you a line.

The perks of being a famous blogger are ENDLESS.

Just ask my family. A couple of weeks ago I got an e-mail from Blogher letting me know that there were passes available to see an advanced screening of Disney’s soon to released Secretariat and because I love movies, especially movies I don’t have to spend my life savings to see, I e-mailed them right back and said “Sign me up!” .

And they did.

Last night was the big event, my husband and our 2 youngest (10 & 12) went with me. Our kids were way super impressed that MY name was on a list allowing us to enter the theater, sit in a reserved section, and see a movie 2 weeks before the rest of the world gets to (on a school night even!). It was as if I were an actual important person. I think I moved up a notch or two on the cool meter (though as soon as the 12 year old has a birthday {goodbye sweet boy, hello surly teen} I will be immediately bumped back down).

I have to admit it’s not likely that I would have ever seen this movie on my own, I usually like a little more grit, grime, and subconscious manipulation (“you know where you hope this train will take you….” ). And call me names if you want, but Disney sorta lost me when they switched from Kurt Russell to The Rock. I knew my daughter would love it, so I figured, if nothing else, at least it’s not Twilight, right?

Turns out, it was great. It’s a movie about a horse and a housewife. The conflict between being a wife and mother and being an independent woman has been on my mind lately, besides as you know I’m a sucker for a horse race; throw in John Malkovich and some 70’s fashion… DING! I was bawling like a baby 15 minutes in. This is not to say that Secretariat doesn’t have its cheesy moments, and I wish they could have made Diane Lane look a little less….old, but all in all I really did enjoy it.

I don’t think the appeal is limited to frustrated women and little girls who like horses either, my husband has never been a horse or a conflicted housewife and he liked it quite a bit (which is saying a lot, because he hates everything). Can I just say- the clothes, what were people thinking in the 70's? My kids had a hard time believing me when I told them I remembered my dad dressing like that when I was a little girl.

It’s all fun and games til you put someone’s eye out with your collar.

My family always laughs a little the first Saturday in May when I watch the Kentucky Derby, so the fact that this movie offers introduction to the fabulousness of horse racing and the Triple Crown was priceless, now if I can only find an equally watchable introduction to college basketball and March Madness, it will be just like my kids were raised in a field of bluegrass. Barefoot. Picking banjos and eating homegrown squirrel.

So, obviously, what I'm trying to say is, you should see it. Secretariat, in a theater near you, Oct. 8th.

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Because my opinion is priceless

I thought you'd like to know, I read The Hunger Games this week. Yes, I know I’m the last person in the universe to do so. I wasn’t planning to read it at all, in fact I had quite decided not to read it. EVER. (I have this weird aversion to anything that everyone else is doing. As soon as a thing becomes all the rage, I’m out. It’s not logical I know, but what are you gonna do?) Anyway, it was the book for my book group this month so I decided to give it a whirl.

I’m generous that way.

I don’t think there’s any danger of me ruining the story for anyone, what with me being the last person on the planet to finally read it and all. Here’s what I thought……It was ok. I guess. You know what though, I had a really hard time getting past the whole kids brutally killing each other in an arena thing.

I’m soft that way.

(I’m waiting for the president of the We heart Hunger Games fan club on Goodreads to hunt me down and revoke my book rating privileges, “What? Only 2 stars? For this masterpiece?”)

Also I didn’t feel like it was “meaty” enough. I know it’s a young adult book (another reason I wasn’t feeling the whole “coliseum" thing) but I think that if I were going to root for Katniss and Peeta I needed to know them better. ~ Also, I kept alternating between hearing Petah, you know, with an English accent, in my head, or thinking of Peter Hatcher (brother to Farley Drexel Hatcher aka Fudge) it was distracting. (Who can figure out how my mind works? Not me, that’s for sure.) Anyway, Peeta bugged me a little bit. I’m sure a good girl is hard to find out there in District 12, especially one who hunts and gathers, but I thought he came off a little pouty. And, while Katniss is no Bella Swan (praise be! cause one Bella is one too many), I felt like there wasn’t really much depth to her either. The only one I wanted to know more about was Gale. Sadly that will not be happening, if I learned anything from those stupid Dragon Tattoo books, besides the fact that Swedish people drink a lot of coffee, it's quit while you’re ahead. Thank you very much.

I’m a quick learner that way.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

A moment of silence, if you don't mind.

As you know I get all of my Mad Men secondhand, but be assured I do get it. One of my favorite things this season has been Don's new secretary. Such a delightful woman. Since I'm always running a few episodes behind the rest of the world I haven't been able to watch Sunday's yet. Imagine my sadness when I found out this afternoon that dear Mrs. Blankenship is no longer with us.

She was the best secretary Don ever had (well, besides Peggy, of course) and she will be missed. Sigh.

Monday, September 20, 2010

‘Cause we be dorks up in here

Friday morning when I heard about Jon Stewarts “Rally 4 Sanity” I fell in love with him a tiny bit more. (who knew that was even possible?)

Later my son came in and said “Did you hear about Stephen Colbert’s awesome March to Keep the Fear Alive”?

And I wept. Because sometimes, even if you’ve been a good parent, your children will turn to conservative satire no matter how many times you’ve stressed the value of outright ridicule.

In the end both the Rally and the March mock the Beckster and if my son and I can reach across the aisle toward a common goal that’s really what politics are all about, right? (well, that and the free stuff, natch)

We thought that even though we can’t go to DC on Oct. 30 (I can’t anyway, I have a long to-do list that starts with coaching soccer, then finishing up my daughter’s Fuzz Lightyear Halloween costume and ends with preparing some kind of gross holiday entrĂ©e involving cold spaghetti and peeled grapes) the restoration of sanity/desire to keep the fear alive are (is?) still very important to both of us so we should find a way to show our support. We decided the best way to do that would be to order some t-shirts. (If there's a better way to say "we feel you and agree with your message" than a t-shirt I'm not aware of it.)

We were shocked to find that there were none to be had. (dear people in charge of raking in the dough at comedy central, what up? why are there no shirts? who is in charge of marketing over there?). So we decided we would have to go to the next level, take matters into our own hands, MAKE OUR OWN!!!

In the middle of the creative process a friend stopped by, a dear friend, who is a tch more serious than I, and gallons less goofy.

She asked what we were doing. Then out of nowhere things started moving in slow motion, I realized that while my son is young and idealistic (though clearly toward the wrong ideals and an intervention is going to be required at some point) I am an old woman, who under normal circumstances possibly, probably, most likely, should be doing more mature things with her time than making propaganda t-shirts.

“We’re just makin’ some shirts for the Rally to Restore Sanity.” I whispered. Then I briefly tried to explain because she doesn’t watch The Daily Show or the Colbert Report (did you know he pretends both of the ts are silent? Dork).

“heh” she half laughed, meaning “Whoa! I gotta get out of here and go drop in on my grown up friends!”

“heh” I half laughed back meaning “Could I be any more embarrassed by my immaturity right now?”

Whatev….at the end of the day we had awesome homemade shirts. Who cares if my contemporaries think my screws are coming loose.

Sunday, September 19, 2010

leaping and bounding

Recently I’ve come across a few men wearing wigs. Bad wigs (are there good wigs, especially for men?) Wigs give me the creeps. I personally believe there are only a few occasions when wigs are appropriate for a man or a woman.

1. You have a medical condition (hereditary balding is NOT a medical condition.)
2. You are in a play.
3. It is Halloween (which is not until, say it with me, OCTOBER).

I heard of a woman once, an older wig wearing widowed woman, who remarried and spent the first few years of that marriage keeping her wig a secret.

How exhausting would that be?

Last week my son’s English class had a (“stupid”) assignment. His teacher asked them all to write about a time when they had been so self-involved that they had hurt another person’s feelings. “How am I supposed to write about something that I have absolutely NO PERSONAL experience with?” I was unable to answer his question due to the fact that I found the whole thing so hilarious, thus making me instantly eligible to write on the assigned topic. “I can’t believe you don’t even care that she’s making us do this…..”

Tomorrow I start week 3 of Couch to 5K and I still hate running. Does anyone know how many weeks until I just mildly dislike it?

Last night I dreamed that someone gave my kids a blob of frog eggs and out of them hatched a rabbit, a puppy, and a hissing lizard. No frogs. I really prefer to NOT remember my dreams.

Sometimes (like 8 or 9 times a week) my brother calls me to say “Guess whut I’m lookin at?” These calls are usually made from a Wal-Mart. Last night he called to ask me if there was ever an occasion when really really tight, really really short, white shorts should be worn with 4 inch hot pink stilettos.....at the grocery store. I was glad he added the “at the grocery store" qualifier, because obviously there are occasions for such an ensemble, but I have to agree that grocery shopping is not one of them. Later my other brother Daryl called to tell me that he had just come out of his local Wal-mart (in Virgina~ you get what you get, you know what I’m sayin?) Where he saw a bumper sticker that read “I love G.R.I.T.S” underneath, in small print, it said girls raised in the south. This man’s truck also sported one of those clever “Get in, Sit down, Hold on, and Shut up" stickers, and an Obama decal, which we concluded must have been placed there by vandals.

Saturday, September 18, 2010

Does anyone know where I can get some disappearing ink?

A few days ago I was having a conversation with my brother on the phone, and I said to him, I said, "If someone wants to listen in on my phone conversations or read my e-mails let 'em. They'd be bored to tears, I've got nothing to hide, or for that matter, interesting to say."  How foolish I was, how very naive, it's not Homeland Security bugging my calls, but instead, The Daily Show.  Parts of Thursday's episode when Jon made his "Big Announcement" appear to have been lifted, directly, word for word, from our conversation! It's a sad day when you can't even ridicule the idiots of the world during a private cell phone conversation.  Or is it a great day when you're ideas end up on The Daily Show? Either way I guess I'm going to have to have a secure line installed.  Or quit my very lucrative job as a medical billing collector (I know, you envy me) and apply to be a writer for Mr. Stewart.

Here it is if you haven't already seen it. It's long, but really, do you have anything better to do? That's what I thought.

The Daily Show With Jon StewartMon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Rally to Restore Sanity

Daily Show Full EpisodesPolitical HumorTea Party

Friday, September 17, 2010

A Quick Public Service Announcement

Just because Target sees fit to replace their school supply display with Lady Gaga costumes does not mean it’s time to get out your Halloween decorations.* (I’m going to tell you a secret, Target doesn’t care about appropriate decorating guidelines, they just want to SELL YOU SOMETHING. It’s irresponsible and confusing I know) This especially applies to my neighbors, trust me when I tell you that no amount of light up Jack-o-lanterns on your front porch is going to distract anyone from the fact that it is 100 degrees outside. It is possible, however, that I may risk adding to my criminal record by vandalizing your yard. (I’m kidding I don’t have a criminal record….yet.)

It’s not even October for crying out loud. Put your pumpkins back in the garage for a couple of weeks.

Thank you. You may now return to your regularly scheduled weekend.

* Alyson is of course exempt from this rant because she lives in New England and truly carries the spirit of Jack Skellington in her heart all year long.

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Ghee Buttersnaps!!

Both of these items have come through my front door this afternoon.
I'm not sure which I like the least.

Sunday, September 12, 2010

I'm too tired for the whole "make up a title" thing today.

Right. So, last week was long. Things were a little “bumpy” around here.  People’s plans have changed and life is just so….well….you know, unpredictable.

Could I be anymore cryptic? Sorry. Anyway. Moving on. I didn’t feel much like writing last week (well, actually I felt a lot like writing, but you know, respecting other people’s boundaries and all) now I feel like writing….about other things.

Like this~Couch to 5K

I seem to be surrounded by well meaning friends and relatives who think I should take up running. I don’t know why everyone thinks they can tell me what to do. I mean it’s not like I go around telling other people what they should do.

Oh…..crap…..yes I DO! But let’s be real here, ok? Telling you to watch Mad Men, or read Angel’s Game, or eat at Jason Deli are things that will make your life more enjoyable. I seriously doubt any of you have gotten half an episode into Mad Men and felt like your heart was going to explode. (Unless it was that one when Betty went all crazy pants and bought that chaise lounge and put it right in front of the fireplace.What a nut that one, huh?)

Anyway, you know, fair’s fair (I guess), I’ve decided if I want people to take me seriously when I e-mail them lists of foreign films to watch if they want their lives to be complete, I should probably reciprocate by trying something they suggest. Because I hear you, and I value your advice. (And my life is lame and this is screaming "lets shake things up!")

I bought some new running shoes and found this Couch to 5K plan. On paper it sounds easy enough. 3 workouts a week. The first week you alternate 60 seconds of jogging and 90 minutes of walking for a total of 20 minutes. I started last week, after my 3rd set I started to wonder why in the world anyone thinks it’s ever a good idea to run (Unless of course you are being chased by a big mean dog, which, hey..does anyone want to get up early 3 days a week and chase me with their big mean dog? Oh my gosh! I think I just thought up a new workout scheme plan. Be looking for me to patent that soon.)

Anyway, I’m not giving up that easy, as if the threat of dying is enough to keep me from doing anything, have you forgotten that I laugh at death? Ha ha ha! This week I get to run for 90 seconds then walk for 2 minutes, which sort of seems like going backwards but seeing as I am not a fitness expert I’m going to stick it out. With any luck week 3 will incorporate ice cream into the rotation.

I’ll keep you posted.

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Welcome to the Wednesday Edition of “Things I Don’t Get”

1. My brother sent this picture from the Mc Donald’s drive-thru line over in Fancy Town~
"I won't even bother with a McDonald's that doesn't have a waterfall in their drive-thru."

2. Today is Late Start/Extra Early Release, or what I like to call “Gimme a Damn Break Day”. It goes like this~ the start time at the high school is pushed back to 10:00 a.m. and the release time at the elementary school is pushed up to 12:15 p.m. So, a.) I still have to get up early, because my younger kids have to be at school at the regular time, b.) the teenagers who would normally be asleep if they didn’t have to be anywhere until 10:00 on a Saturday morning, go insane and make all sorts of “breakfast” plans, c.) the elementary schoolers want to make the most of their 2 bonus hours in the afternoon, which means having friends over or needing me to drive them somewhere, anywhere, please, it’s early release, we must not waste a single minute of it!! “Thanks person in charge of day wrecking at the school board, you're doing an awesome job!!” What I just don’t understand is, why can’t everyone begin or end at the same time? Why must is be some start late, others end early? Why??

3. Jack Fruit anyone? I have never even heard of Jack Fruit, it must be pretty stinking tasty though, $99.99 each.  Perhaps it is a relative of the ever elusive Jackalope.

4. A few days ago I was in the toy department at Target and I heard this guy tell his cell phone “Yeah, I’m in the office right now, I’ll have to call you back later.” I have never wished so hard for a screaming baby to come around the corner in my life.

5. What would possess a woman with 5 children and a messy husband to buy white bathmats? Perhaps her 5 children messy husband have driven her completely out of her mind and now she is no longer able to use reason when making decisions.
Believe me when I tell you it looks A LOT worse in person.