Wednesday, June 9, 2010

I read the news so you don't have to.

Every morning before I start working I quickly scan the news. I mean, what if there's some reason I should be taking the day off (like National Donut Day) that without reading the news I would be totally unaware of?

Today a few stories caught my attention, in the interest of streamlining your day I've listed them here. You are welcome!

1. Forget owning a Subway franchise, for the right price you can own something even better. Xe Services (formerly known as Blackwater) is for sale. I KNOW!! I'm kicking myself so hard for blowing all of my disposable income at the track.  Stupid Kentucky Derby.

2. It appears that the FBI (our FBI) may have funded Joran Van der Sloot's trip Peru. I have more to say, but in summary, "Nice job guys! And by the way, if you have some downtime you might try to catch an episode of Criminal Minds.  Those guys would have NEVER blown a case like this." 

3. In a shocking development, and I do mean SHOCKING, an unpublished science fiction manuscript supposedly written by a young Stieg Larrson has turned up.  I'm not a psychic but let me see if I can predict the potentially not so well written storyline. Aliens come to our planet, have graphic, probably violent sex with a scientist who then decides to use his/her very complicated web of contacts, to form a small group of super smarty pantses, separate from the Swedish government, to save the world and at the same time get revenge, oh and they will probably sleep with each other, some of them may have sex, on purpose, with the aliens, but no one will fall in love.  Ever.  Not even the aliens.

4. Holy heck you guys! Lindsay Lohan cannot catch a break.  I'm sure you know she has to wear this stupid SCRAM bracelet now, right? To make sure she doesn't drink or use drugs. AS IF! How embarrassing.  Well, it looks like those stupid bracelets must have, like, false alarms, because poor Lindsay's alarm went off the other night and then she almost had to go to jail but just in the nick of time her bondsman ran to the courthouse and paid a bigger bail (bond?) and oh my gosh she must be mortified.     BARF!

5.  Finally, is it just me, or is Prince William not aging so well? I'm just putting that out there. (which by the way is my new catch phrase, if it's okay with Chelsea, unless she wants me to pay her, in which case I will go back to my old catch phrase.  "Duuude!" Because obviously I do need a new catch phrase, but I'm surely not in the market to pay for one, see item #2.)


Gramee said...

love it when you make me laugh so hard i have to pee..did i say that?

Heidi Ashworth said...

You're so funny! I had the same thought about (well, most of this, really, but specifically)somebody paying Joran to kill another girl. I hope they feel badly about it. I happened to see a photo of LL the other day (it was on my email start page--don't judge!) and her hair is so freaking blonde. It was almost black a week ago--literally. That can't be good for your hair but neither can drugs be so I guess it's all good (or whatever).

lori.huffaker said...

I'm kind of embarassed because I just read a Steig Larsson(sp?) novel, I have never even heard of him AT ALL(my book club members must be shocked)
I really hated it, and I couldn't pronounce any of the names of anything, but I was book desperate and someone gave it to me. I was at Walmart(yes Walmart) in the book section and saw rows and rows of his books. How is it that I have never seen him before. I do like the addition of the aliens though, it would have made it more interesting...can aliens pronounce those swedish words...
I will tell Chelsea you quoted her!!

jineen said...

he is totally not aging well! and i love your new catch phrase:)

wesley's mom (sue) said...


Heidi~Poor Lindsay, she's just a train wreck. No one wants to look, but they can't seem to help themselves.

Lori~I'm the one who should be embarrassed, I read three of those stupid books. Trust me, your book club members wouldn't go near his books with a ten foot pole. (too much s-e-x) Thank Chelsea for me. I try to channel her when I say "I'm just putting that out there" I've been feeling so much taller and blonder and younger.

Jineen~It's sad isn't it? He should marry that girl FAST before things get any worse. Just sayin'

Lara said...

I always feel a little sad for Prince William and his hair. But, he's got everything else in the world, and he still looks more like his mother than his father, so I'm sure it could be worse, right?

Lisa said...

Hey I'm a mesa girl too. Stopping by from MMB

iamwoman said...

Here from MMB-- this post cracks me up!

Cheryle said...

Lara: yes, he could look more like his FATHER - and that would be really, really sad!

Thanks, Sue. I need to get back to my blogging, too! Maybe you've inspired me!