Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Thank goodness my mom brought over some kleenex

I've gone out of town.

I don't usually go anywhere. Especially alone. But that's just what I've done. Gone somewhere. Alone. Unbelievable.

My brother and his wife had a baby and that's where I am. I've come to help and if the planets align properly I will actually be helpful. One never knows how things like this will turn out, it's a crap shoot. You know what I mean. You want to be useful but before you know it, you're just in the way and you've eaten all of their leftover Easter candy and your brother is wondering what made him think he could trust you with his dogs never mind his kids and you spend the next 5 years not making eye contact at Thanksgiving. Not that my brother even has dogs, but you know what I mean, Crap Shoot.

Coming to Virgina means leaving my family motherless. Which shouldn't be a big deal. My kids are pretty self-maintaining, and I only cook a hot breakfast on the first day of school and their birthdays (if they're lucky), but I've spent a good deal of time and energy convincing myself that they need me. Desperately.

So much so, that I typed 8 pages of instructions for them to follow in my absence. It's quite possible that my family cooked their first meal without me over a bonfire which was no doubt started with a sacrifice of my book of rules, and possibly a chant praising the joy of wearing the same underwear for a week while watching Dirty Jobs after school in lieu of doing any dirty jobs of their own. Though in all fairness they probably didn't cook anything over the fire, because really, ramen noodles and frozen pizza aren't necessarily "open flame" friendly.

My brother told me that it was insulting going to such great lengths explaining things to my husband. He said I should trust that, because he is one of the two parents lording over our children, my husband already knows all of these things which I felt compelled to type out, alphabetize and color code, (let me tell you what-- it was right then and there that I told my brother to mind his own business. Jeez, I don't get all up in his grill (that's street lingo for poking my nose where it doesn't belong) and tell him to stop wasting his life on NASA's website, do I? Okay, well maybe I do. But guess what? Someone has to tell him. He's a grown man for crying out loud.) Don't tell my brother, but later I was thinking about what he said, and I suppose he might have a point. Logically I know that no one will starve or go to school without shoes, and I do trust my husband to feed and clothe everyone and to not forget early release (by the way, it's today at 12:15, would you remind him if you see him? Thanks!), illogically (and let's face it, thats the kind of reasoning I do most of the time) I've convinced myself that by leaving this list behind, my family will be able to feel my influence and love while I'm away.

Yes, I have been told I'm delusional. By a therapist. What's your point?

Look, even though I have a very exciting life as a semi-professional blogger, (you'll probably be shocked by this) I'd say roughly 99% of my identity is being a mom, and I LIKE it that way. I've been gone 2 days and I miss my family insanely, and I hope that somehow they know that what I really meant when I said "No good knives in the dishwasher" and "Please change the litter box on Tuesday" was "You guys are the BEST family EVER and I'm probably going to cry every night from missing you so much."


Homer and Queen said...

Suck it up...trust me, they miss you and will never want you to go again...they can't do it without you, but they will survive!

MommyJ said...

I stink at being away from my family too. I'm sure they are having a great time, but will be absolutely ready for you to return!