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Tuesday, September 29, 2009

If I could just get my hands on one of those dream decoders.....

Do you remember the episode of Seinfeld when Jerry scratches out a note during the night of some funny thought that he plans to use in his act, except in the morning he can’t read his note, and neither can anyone else? When he does finally figure it out, it turns out to be not funny at all? That’s almost exactly what happens to me about 4 times a week, most of the time I don’t wake up and write anything down, so I end up waking up with the feeling that something great slipped away while I was sleeping.
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Well, not today folks. Last night I thought/dreamt an idea and I remembered it all night long. I even half woke a few times feeling pretty smug about the great post I was going to write this morning.
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Then morning came, and I remembered, oh yeah, I sure did.  It was this, hold on to your hats. I had this great idea to write about how funny it would be to talk about what it must be like to be a test chef for Hidden Valley Ranch. Are you dying of hysteria?

Me neither. These are the things that go through my head at night.  No wonder I'm so tired in the morning. So, um, well...I don't really have anything to say about test chefs at Hidden Valley Ranch.  You?

Instead let me tell you about this other thing.

Sometimes I fall down. Other times I trip over my brother’s dog. Then I end up with one of these~


But I’m not mad. I mean I know that dog didn’t mean to trip me, besides, like I said, I fall down, probably a little more often than your average grown up, so really, I’m not mad.  But unfortunately when I tripped over the dog I had my cell phone in my hand and now the keypad is stuck on CAPS. So now when I send a text people think I’m yelling at them, not to mention all of my twitter tweets look like I’m having an emergency (or a mental breakdown—which in my line of life is the more likely option). It’s a little awkward.

ANY SUGGESTIONS?

7 comments:

Alexis said...

DO YOU STILL HAVE A BRUISE? YOU HAVEN'T BEEN HERE FOR 2 WEEKS.

I DON'T SEE ANYTHING WRONG WITH CAP LOCKS.

Todd said...

I'm pretty sure I can see Jesus' face in that bruise.

Alyson (New England Living) said...

A test chef at Hidden Valley! HAHAHAHA!! That's pretty funny. ;)

Cheryle said...

I just think, sometimes, that it would be nice to actually LIVE in Hidden Valley. But then I probably would have a lousy internet connection and would miss seeing Jesus' face in your bruise.

Bummer.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

ha ha ha ha ha ha You still got it, girlfriend.

In fact, I think you're getting better.

I do that hidden valley ranch thing all the time too.

HEY, ALEXIS IS PRETTY FUNNY!

Heidi Ashworth said...

That first paragraph you wrote--many people feel that way. In fact, someone wrote a short book about it called The Laurel and Hardy (something something I can't remember) Of Conciousness. (I can't remember who wrote it either but you can google it and find out.) (Or not.) What struck me and has stayed with me for the 25 years since I read it was the author's description of how he would write things down in the middle of the night b/c they were wonderful or hysterical or profound--and "in the morning it would look like a bunch of squashed flies". Love it!

AuBien said...

SO DANG FUNNY. And Todd...you are cracking me UP.

 
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