Tuesday, September 22, 2009

I seem to have sprung a leak.

It appears that someone on my security team has slipped my e-mail address to an underground organization of extremely devout and conservative wackos who have an inside connection to government and law enforcement memos and also happen to love bunnies in costumes. When I find out who it was heads are gonna roll. And I’m not kidding this time. This group who has their hands all over my secret contact information is now coming at my inbox from a variety of different crazy pants places and I have received in the last month more nutso political, religious, and kitty/rainbow e-mails than in the entire last two years combined. It's insane. Like the senders.

The subject lines read like the front page of the New York Times-

Social Security 2009 not a joke...serious stuff


Warning from the Police(Not a joke)

Jesus left our home this morning

And the ever popular-

I better get this back!!!

I’m getting crap –I mean correspondence -from both of my parents, and judging from their similar tastes in e-mail; if the internet had been around when they were together their marriage may have lasted. Then there is the very unbiased political information I’ve been getting from my brother’s father-in-law (I KNOW!!?). He’s sent me Ted Nugent videos, warnings about our evil president, and urgings to stop the Postmaster General from issuing liberal postage stamps (surely you can see the very real and present danger in that). Rounding it out is a person from my church who has gotten her mitts on my e-mail address because we worked together in a church capacity and is now letting me know how I can help with her local tea party/Glenn Beck loving community organization and also passing along emergency preparedness advice. Don’t get me wrong, I love a good Ted Nugent video and I can always use canning tips, but holy cow, sparkly good luck rainbows is where I draw the line.

It’s okay though, I think I’ve figured out a plan to stop all of them. I am in the process of composing an e-mail of my own, it will have flashing graphics, as well as the trademark FW:FW:fw this is serious open first in the subject line. My letter will tell them about a virus that will cut off all of their e-mailing abilities if they continue to send forwards, but, here’s the genius part, if they stop immediately Microsoft will keep track of how many e-mails they receive but DON'T pass along and when the number reaches 1000 Bill Gates will personally cut them a check for $10,000.00.
I think it just might work.


Alexis said...


Becky said...

I'd be jealous that your post is better than mine except I'm laughing too hard!

Glenn Beck. Bleh.

AuBien said...

I don't like forwards either. Most of mine come from folks who won't take the time to sit down and write a REAL email - something personal and applicable to our relationship. Oh no. Just send a forward. Ugh.

MommyJ said...

that is a brilliant plan.

I hate forwards with a purple passion. Normally I just delete, but if it does happen to catch my attention, I make it my personal mission to search out the truth on the internet, and totally debunk whatever the forward claimed. Most of the time, they are totally bogus. Like the one about mcdonalds buying meat in south america. Or countless others claiming one outrageous political thing, or another. Snopes is a great resource... there is nothing quite so satisfying as sending an email in return that says, "um... not true. But it's okay. You weren't the only idiot that believed it. It's been forwarded four hundred million times." :)

Cheryle said...

What I like are the ones that say, "Snopes says this is TRUE!" and then include a link to Snopes - where Snopes says, "Uh, sorry, no - Snopes did NOT say it's true but a big, fat LIE!"

Some people's heads are - well, you get the picture.

Cindy said...

I kept getting right wing propaganda from a neighbor. I kept writing her back, politely telling her to stop. She didn't so I called her out on facebook on her wall for anyone to see. I'm hopeful she's gotten the hint.