Monday, August 17, 2009

Last week I let my daughter see a naked man on TV.

That’s right, you heard me, NAKED.

See, we have cable now. We’ve never had children and cable at the same time so it’s quite a novelty. The kids have taken right to it, they’ll watch anything. I even saw one of them watching C-SPAN a couple days ago. You’d never know they’ve spent most of their lives deprived.

How did we end up with cable in the first place you ask? Funny story, when my husband called to have the internet service switched to our new house the sneaky “internet representative” on the phone offered him free cable for 6 months. Basically, in most situations, after hearing the word FREE, my husband will say yes to just about anything, and ta-da—CABLE. You should see our garage.

Anyway, you probably want to know more about the naked guy right? Okay, so there’s this show-Man vs. Wild, seen it? This man, who obviously has mental problems but still managed to land a sweet cable deal, goes around the wild world risking his life so my children and husband (he plans to enjoy every possible minute of his free cable) can sit in the next room calling for me every 3 seconds “Honey, you’ve got to see this!” or “Mom, look, this guy’s nuts!”. At one point a few nights ago they all insisted at once that I rush into the room because this lunatic who had just peed (ON TV) on his cross country skis was going to take off all of his clothes so he could cross a FROZEN river.

Between this idiot and that stupid I Dream of Jeannie with her fancy bottle, my daughter has been ruined in just a few short days. Thanks cable. Thanks a lot.

Normally I would have insisted they turn off mister naked and his frozen parts, but I had witnessed a miracle that afternoon and was still on a spiritual high so I let it pass.

Remember these? Like you could forget.

We“invited” a few friends over to help us with the moving of our most heavy and prized possessions. When we got to our bedroom I asked my husband if he was really going to take the speakers again. There were about 5 people in the room, so we took a poll, one I knew I was sure to lose as I was the only woman present. “Should we move these broken speakers one more time, or should we have mercy on them and take them to the dump?”

There was talk of coning (whatever the heck that is) and the original purchase price (20 years ago!!!!), but then, just when I thought all was lost, one brave and wise man stepped forward and asked “How long have they been broken?” A hush fell over the room as the other men tried to recognize this man they thought was on their team, yet he dared question the reason in keeping these "valuables" any longer. It was a glorious moment. GLORIOUS!!!

A look of defeat passed across my husband’s face as he replied “15 years”. And that my friends, is what is known as divine intervention.

I shall be submitting my hero’s name for canonization soon. I know you have to be dead to be sainted, but I’m sure when the Catholic Church hears how long and hard I prayed for this they will deem it a miracle.

And that's how my daughter got to see a naked weirdo on TV.


Alexis said...

So what are you going to use as bedside tables now? Do you think you will miss them, I mean, 15 years.

You have to be careful with TV, I turned it on the other day and ended up watching the most ridiculous far-fetched reality TV show ever. I was angry and frustrated about it for days and have been meaning to blog about it. My point is (I think), they really will let ANYONE on TV.

Trike said...

I laughed so hard I peed my pants a little.

Becky said...

Naked men AND eighty-sixing the speakers?? Life doesn't get much better than than, I'm thinking. God bless that man, wherever he may be...

James said...

Wow. Fifteen years. We men are loyal to our electronics.

And they show "the goods" on that television show? I never would have guessed.

Todd said...

Now that you have cable, you'll never get unpacked. Your family will be living out of boxes for years to come.

wesley's mom (sue) said...

First I need to clarify-Discovery did blur most of the important man parts. I think we all saw his butt pretty clearly though.

Alexis-I know, it was almost a bittersweet victory. I was glad to see them go, but now I am without bedside furniture. Sigh.

Trike-sorry about your pants

Becky-Amen. It was a memorable day to be sure.

James-only blurry goods. but still.

Todd-the cable is only free for 6 months, believe me, we are not about to PAY to watch stupid people run around naked in the wilderness, in 5 1/2 months we will be cable-less again.

Todd said...

In five and a half months there will be an uprising from your totally TV addicted children (and possibly husband). It's not gonna be pretty. Six months is more than enough time to hook anybody, why do you think it was free?

MommyJ said...

Bear Grylles!! I love man versus wild. That's the guy's name. Bear. Doesn't that make him seem even more crazy?!

I think he's awesome in all kinds of ways. Though seeing him naked may be a little excessive. :)

(ironically enough... my word verification? modest. :)

Michelle O'Neil said...

I adore the man who asked the brave question, and agree Sainthood is in order.

Homer and Queen said...

If 20 people were in the room saying "chuck 'em" my hubby would still keep them!!