Thursday, July 16, 2009

Have you noticed that people don't write letters anymore?

Dear Readers of this Blog,
I can’t tell you how it made me smile to think that so many of you thought I was clever enough to come up with those shark cupcakes on my own.
Get this book- Hello Cupcake (it’s a link, click and you too can be the best mom/dad ever)
It’s awesome.
A woman who wishes she were that creative
ps~Todd, carnage cupcakes would have been such a hit. I should have called you.
Dear Michael Jackson,
I get it. You were talented and weird.
You are dead. Now please go away.
My sympathies,
A girl who wants to watch 20/20 without seeing your face
Ps~take Sarah Palin with you.

To My Body,

I am not enjoying the sudden onset of forehead acne. Did you know that some people LOSE weight when they are feeling stressed?  Think about it.

The pimply fat lady
My Darling Teenage son,
Yes, in fact, I do get to decide what is rational and irrational. All the time. It’s a perk.
All my love,
The woman you would never forgive if I let you go out into the world spouting some of that crazy crap.
ps~I haven’t made you turn down your annoying music for 3 days. That should count for something.

To Whom It May Concern:
Thank you for believing that I can do anything. The truth is, when you call me on Monday about something you have known for 2 months that you would need me to do by the end of this week I want to throw up on you. When I see you in person I might. Did the 3 of you get together and plan a coordinated attack? You are all wonderful people, but I’m liking you less and less.
Not so cordially,
The woman who will take your bets and see you…..I don’t know….. however that would go in poker speak
ps~being married to me doesn't let you off the hook.

Dearest Teenage Dive Coach,

You are really cute, and I know the other coaches think so too. I love watching you during practice, so lively and animated. I hate to ask, but I’m wondering if you could tone it down just a bit and pay attention to my son, and the other divers, of course, for that brief hour you are with them at practice.

Most appreciatively,
The mother who doesn’t want to have to go to your boss but will if you don’t shape up.

Hey Camp Prep List,

Stop looking at me like that. You’re killing me. KILLING ME. Why don’t you hop in Michael Jackson’s pocket and go away for a few days. Take a break, get out of the heat. Leave me alone.

As Always,
The martyr who knows it's her own dang fault because she can’t seem to say no


AuBien said...

Your post makes me feel somewhat inspiring today! :)

Todd said...

Hey, if you're not doing much, could you fly out here for a couple of weeks and help watch the twins of terror when my wife has a baby?

Homer and Queen said...

Love the carnage cupcake idea! And, great post! I might have to steal it someday...you touch my soul...well, if I had one!

Heidi Ashworth said...

You are so darn stinkin' funny! Love it!