Monday, June 29, 2009

It's the drugs, I swear.

It seems that when I posted last night I failed to tell everyone what I was posting about. Ooops. My son and I are reading Infinite Jest together, or trying to anyway. I want to be positive about it, but I'm not down with cryptic reading as much as I might have been in my youth.

I'm emerging from a four day migraine and I am seriously considering petitioning my local law makers to force my brain to limit these things to two consecutive days at a time. I really cannot afford to waste four days in a row. Not to mention that I am exhausted now. Lying in bed and trying to keep my head from exploding is apparently hard work.

Last week I (foolishly) wondered why I get so stressed about my to-do lists, I mean I just need to do what needs to be done and get on with it. Right? Later that same day I started getting a headache. Not a bad one, just enough to make me edgy. The problem is I never know if it’s going to stay just on the fringes or turn into four wasted days. I definitely hate the wasted days, but the unknown is almost as bad. I’m sure that sounds really stupid. Why waste time worrying? Right? Because I can’t plan my life, that’s why. I never know if I’m gong to be up or “not up”. So what do I do? Not make commitments? Because that doesn't work for me. I want to do things. I like having stuff to do, but when I am physically unable to fulfill my “duties” I feel like a giant flake. I feel like a crippled girl. I’m afraid people will think I’m lazy or unreliable. The thing is, in a way, I am unreliable. Not by choice, but does it really matter why?


RicksAustins said...

you shouldnt do it. Also the parents dont let him do anything he wants to. Just to let you know.I am glad you enjoyed taking our car to California. We wont consider being hospitable again.

AuBien said...

If it were me, I wouldn't do it either. Could have hard feelings on both sides. Hang in there on the book...sometimes the movie has a slow start as well. Sorry about your migraines...never had them but from the outside they sound miserable.

James said...

I'm promising to even read one book this summer. But I definitely won't be tackling something as heady as Infinite anything.

Heidi Ashworth said...

I can so relate! I have fibromyalgia and I never know when I am going to be feeling fine and when I'm going to be feeling awful. I avoid the triggers as much as I can but there are many things that are out of my control. Anyway, I had feeling like the crippled girl, the weak girl, the flaky girl--it's awful! I hope you're feeling better!