Wednesday, April 15, 2009

A little bit of this, a little bit of that.....

Have you seen that stupid movie, Premonition? The one where Sandra Bullock (so what? I can watch Sandra Bullock movies if I want to) has a “vision” that something horrible is going to happen, and she does everything she can think of to stop it, but in the end it’s because of her efforts that her fears come true? That’s how I feel. Like the harder I try to NOT be crazy, I just end up being a different kind of crazy? The more I try to give up control in some areas, the more need I have to be in control of other areas. Anyone else?

If a bobble head “statue” is being produced in your likeness, is that a positive thing? Do you call your friends and family to brag?

The battle between my husband and our neighbor with the late night barking dog gained fresh intensity last night when after a heated discussion that ended with my husband hanging up on her, the dog owner called back and left a message (because I would not allow my husband further phone privileges) saying that not only was he a jerk but also a jackass and that if he wanted to pursue this battle, he should “Bring it on buddy! And I think she means it.

This is probably something that doesn’t need to be said, but if it happened to me it could happen to anyone, so just a heads up. If you are in the habit of putting lots of books on hold at the library, so many in fact, that you forget what you are waiting for, you just wait for the call from the library to notify you they are ready and then you stop in and grab them, you might want to go to the library alone when you pick up your hold books. And here’s why. Say you are looking for Feminine Mystique and come across a couple other books that look interesting so you put something like “Set His Thighs on Fire” on hold, and then forgot about it. You are going to be soo embarrassed when you grab the book off the shelf and your daughter says “What’s THAT about?” Fire safety.

My Crocs arrived this weekend. At first I wasn’t sure if they are all I built them up to be, but after I finally cut the tags off and took them for a spin I think they are going to be just fine. Unless they aren’t. Why am I so stinking picky?

Last month my husband and I were cleaning out a closet and we found an old VHS copy of My Turn on Earth, and because we think we are really super clever we said to each other “Hey, we should introduce Ivy (our one and only daughter /singing dancing machine.) to My Turn on Earth!” And that is just what we did. We are such fools. Her brothers may never forgive us. Just like many other decisions we have made as a couple, we are living to regret that little joke. Now all conversations are taking place to the tune of “You better back up fast”
(If you don’t know what My Turn on Earth is, just thank your lucky stars and keep moving, DO NOT go to Amazon.com and order a used copy cheap, you will regret it. –You’ve been warned.)

One of these days I’m going to make a bunch of signs that say “Shhhhh!!!!” and post them all around the library. What is it with people these days that they are not quiet in the library? When I dash in to pick up my held books I expect a few moments of peace, is that too much to ask?

Recently we had my husband’s brother and his family here visiting for a week. It was mostly a nice visit, but I have some issues my therapist has not yet been able to help me resolve, and after a few days of my nieces pointing out the “bad” things I was watching, reading, and listening to, I started turning my music up just a little louder and pretending like I couldn’t hear them when they asked me if this song was going to have naughty words too. I’m not a very nice person.

I almost forgot, The Biggest Loser. What up? They really had to vote on whether or not Laura should go home? REALLY? They're killing me.

Oh, you didn't think this post was going to make sense did you? Surely you weren't expecting to get down here to the bottom and find that all of these things had something in common, did you? Sorry, no, today is NOT one of those days when I make any sense at all. It's a Wednesday that feels like a Monday, but ought to be Friday already considering how busy I've been. Maybe tomorrow I will be able dig up a logical train of thought for you. Sure, I bet I will.........Unless I don't, in which case.............There's always Friday.


The Crash Test Dummy said...

Ha ha ha I can't believe you want to set your husband's thighs on fire!!! How silly!

Great hilarious post.

And I'm totally in love with David Sedaris now! He's brilliant!!! I want to devour everything he writes.

Too bad he's not one of my students because that's what I'm supposed to be devouring.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

P.S. You're such a silly goose. I can't believe you think I MIGHT be easily offended. Girlfriend, I know how to turn the music up on the bad parts too.

wesley's mom (sue) said...

Imagine the fun you could have if he were in your class.

That's my new favorite pass time....playing--"How would David Sedaris make fun of these people?"

Homer and Queen said...

Is it sad that I totally understood that whole post?

Karen said...

Sounds like a perfectly normal post to me.

I felt the same way about The Biggest Loser! I would have been completely shocked that they had to vote on the broken hip being rehabilitated, but I still don't get how Big Daddy with nine breasts is still hanging around ... so whatever. There are politics in all things ... probably even when setting your husband's thighs on fire!

AuBien said...

This was such an AWESOME post. I love it. I needed it. I am laughing. THANK YOU! And I can NOT hear the words "it's a Wednesday" and not think about black socks...business socks. I love this blog!

wesley's mom (sue) said...

Homer and Queen-It's not sad that you understood, it just probably means, you know, birds of a feather....

Karen-Don't even get me started on Big Daddy. The kids call him fishman, because he looks like he has gills. I'm all for getting healthy and losing the weight, but really, why is it still there? WHYYYY?

AuBien-Ah yes, Wednesday will always be sock day for me too.