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Thursday, March 19, 2009

This post is NOT for my brother.

*I'm not kidding, go read about atom smashing or something. I’m going to rant about sex. You’ve been warned.*

From time to time I get to feeling a little overwhelmed, what with the kids, and the laundry, and the job, and the calling, and all of the cooking of the hot meals, and the ……….. You get the idea.

Saturday I had a very long to do list and possibly just a tch of PMS. I was feeling like there was no way I was going to be able to finish everything (probably because I am not even one tiny bit realistic when I make those stupid to-do lists of mine). Imagine, if you will, how touched I was when my husband sweetly asked if there was any thing he could do to help. I admit, that was pretty compassionate, if not somewhat out of character. I mean he’s a nice guy, but he’s not generally what I would call “sensitive”.

No” I told him, with a big sigh, “I just need a few minutes alone before I face the day.” Oh, I know, I get too worked up about things. I’ve actually been told it’s kind of charming. (not really)

I need a little time ALONE, I told him. Alone, that means, well, alone. Solitary. Solo.

That’s when he sat down on the edge of the bed and while gently rubbing my back said “Well, I can think of something that might help you relax.”

Seriously?!!?!

Now?! At this moment, when I have just explained to you, with tears in my eyes, that I am feeling swamped and all of our children are awake, all 5 of them, and 2 of them had friends sleep over and I have just taken a shower you want to have SEX?!!!? REALLY!? After 18 years of marriage you think for one second that I am going to fall for that one?

Look, I’m not unreasonable, I can even be fun when I feel like it, but really, what is it about a man that would make him think that on a busy Saturday morning when I am not feeling “romantic” at all, that it’s a good time for that kind of relaxation technique?

You know what? I didn't even react (visibly), I just said "hmm........ maybe later." Then I went into another room and screamed into a pillow.

12 comments:

Jan the crazy lady said...

I seriously think that they sometimes feel that this is the answer that will solve every woe in life.

I don't get it either. I guess that is their way of unwinding a bit or something. But when you have PMS, and you want to be alone. That is not the answer you are looking for.

This did make me giggle though. Sorry. I just relate.

AuBien said...

I hear ya, sister. I really think for men sex is the biggest relaxation exercise. They just don't get that it doesn't always work the same way for us. Sometimes I feel like I just need a few minutes where I am not tending to someone else's needs or entertaining someone or just being nice to someone when I don't feel like being nice at the moment. Sex kindof doesn't fill any of that criteria.

Karen said...

I'm cracking up right now. Here is where you went wrong ... you showered! I swear every time I shower ... Gary thinks I just sent him a written naked invitation. And I do think that they view this as a definite relaxation technique, since Gary falls fast asleep as soon as his "technique" is over. Funny, funny, funny stuff.

Becky said...

Oh, I've so been there. I'm very impressed that you saved the screaming until you were in the next room!

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

WOW...that is MY husband in a nutshell...I thought that in time those things would pass...

Great...now I know there is NO END!!!

Screaming in a pillow...good idea!

Anonymous said...

I just found your blog today and LOVED this post! It is funny because it is so true!! For some reason, suggesting that you fool around seems to be a cure-all for all of life's woes in men's handbook for life. LOL!

I look forward to more fun posts!

Anonymous said...

Wow, you guys still have sex? I've only had sex one time in the last five years and that was 17 weeks ago..and look what happened. I'd be careful if I was you.

Alyson (New England Living) said...

I'm so laughing right now. Not because you were feeling overwhelmed, obviously, but by men and their sometimes small minds. Hilarious! I think I'm one of the lucky ones though. My man has learned his lesson (or at least fears rejection) and will offer a foot rub at times like those.

wesley's mom (sue) said...

I don't know if I should feel better or worse that everyone (except Alyson with her lucky foot rubs) is in the same boat.

Homer and Queen said...

It is in the man handbook...they HAVE to wait till you are way stressed to make a stupid sex comment! They get extra points for a Saturday morning...I read it once when he wasn't looking...

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