Tuesday, March 10, 2009

I should be able to sleep now.

Yeah, so remember last night when I took my giant tub of butter pecan up to my bedroom to see if Horatio Cain could solve another murder without blinding himself? I got settled in, and as soon as I relaxed I remembered something I was going to write about, not the thing from earlier, but important none the less, so I grabbed my little notebook that I keep on my bedside table for just such an occasion and I started writing. It was more like a stream of consciousness than a blog post, but that’s okay, streams of consciousness’ are important, and you can’t expect too much from a woman who’s trying to finish off a bucket of ice cream while trying to help (telepathically) Miami’s finest figure out which one of Steven/Trent’s wives finished him off. (turns out it was neither, didn’t see that coming)

Then my husband came in and said “Do you need the light on?” Hmm. I’m lying here scribbling away in my nightstand notebook so…… "Just for a few more minutes, is that going to be okay?” I could tell by the way he said “I guueeesssss” that it was NOT going to be okay, so I said that it was no big deal and I could finish tomorrow. Which was not true at all, because I was in the zone, but I can be generous when I feel like it, so I put my notebook away (not in a DRAWER though, how nice would that be?) and tried to go to sleep.

That’s when I got to thinking about how observant some people are, but me, not so much. And even though I tried to sleep through the snoring (like a CHAINSAW mind you) I could not, and I was compelled to visit my computer once again at this ungodly hour (midnight by now) and tell you this, because I knew you’d want to know.

I don’t pay much attention to my neighbors. I mean, I like them all just fine (some more than others, if you know what I mean) but I don’t have time to mind other people’s business, minding my own business is a full time job. When my mom comes to town she’s on vacation, and you can bet she has plenty of time to mind the business of others, even others who are complete strangers to her. Besides, she’s from the south, that’s how she rolls.

She will ask me “Now, your neighbor, the blonde with all those kids, she looks tired, do you think she’s well? Bless her heart, she could probably use a nap.” Or “I bet that bearded guy with his motorcycle has a mouth on him, doesn’t he? What’s his story? And that motorcycle, it’s so loud. How do you sleep through it?” Or “I noticed those two women who live alone together get a lot of packages from UPS, what’s that all about?” And if I answer “I think she looks great, I wish I looked that good” or “He’s actually one of the nicest guys you’d ever meet” or “Really, I never noticed that they get so many deliveries” Then she will be forced to spring into action.

First, she will tell me I could look that good, if I were willing to put a litte more effort into my appearance, then she will give me the look, like she can’t believe I care so little about my community, then she will shake her head slowly from side to side, and do that tsk, tsk thing to let me know that she is let down that I am not a real guardian of the homestead, then she will start spending time “reading” on the porch bench, or going for long walks with the kids. You know, to get some fresh air. “It’s too bad it’s so hot here and you can’t open your windows all that recirculated air gets so stale”, because really, even if she can only do it for two weeks of the year, someone needs to know what’s going on around here.

Then there’s my mother in law. Last time she was here she was convinced that she had overheard at church, that our neighbors were going out of town, but now there seemed to be a party going on at their house with all kinds of teenagers going in and out. Even when we told her that we had been out to dinner with those very neighbors, that very evening, and that as we spoke they were at home carousing with those hooligans, one of which was our very own son, she was still skeptical, she was pretty sure she heard them say they were going to be out of town. Besides, one time, at home, something similar happened and she was right, those kids were up to no good, and she hated to do it, but the time came when the law had to be involved. Those neighbors hardly talk to her anymore, but that's fine with her, she'd do it again in a heartbeat. Better safe than sorry you know!

I won’t even tell you about my Granny who is among the champion snoopers in all of the great state of Indiana. Why, she knows the business of everyone within a 50 mile radius, friend or foe. And she is glad to share those details with anyone who asks, and those that don't ask usually get a few details too.

My point is, (betcha thought I didn’t have one), that I hope I am never called upon to help any of those versions of CSI, because I just don’t think I have it in me to be a good witness.

What about you? Are you in the know, or out of the loop? Could the crime scene investigators count on you? Or would your alleged lack of knowledge cast you as a "person of interest" due to your unnatural lack of interest?


Alexis said...

Not that we watch all that much or any television, but I dislike Horation Cain so much that I could never watch CSI Miami. Grishim on the other hand was THE reason I watched CSI.

Your mom is very observant. Like the last time she came over she told me that my house was not messy but that my house will never be clean again.

Sometimes I just stand there in bewilderment observing her. It doesn't get me anywhere.

wesley's mom (sue) said...

That comment just made all the sleep I lost writing this post worth it. If I had been drinking something when I read this, it would have come flying out of my nose. Bless her heart.

Karen said...

I am sooooo guilty of not noticing, caring or even acknowledging that I have neighbors. Last month my next-door-neighbor's daughter came knocking on my door in a frantic mess needing me to help LIFT her husband who had fallen ... and he couldn't get up. With phone in hand I ran next door, only to see that we were definitely not lifting this man, but I would call our friends at 9-1-1. It was then that I found out that my neighbors (who have lived there for many years) don't speak a lick of English. No habla Espanol? No neighbor. I live in a world all alone, surrounded by people that I disregard. Is this wrong?

The Crash Test Dummy said...

ha ha ha ha Love this post. This is so my MIL. But me, I'm exactly like you. It's a writer's thing. We live in our head and we miss a lot, (even though we pick up a lot so we can write about it.) Ain't life crazy that way.

Oh, and your hub sounds just like mine too. No wonder I love you so much.

I'm glad you stayed up so late.

Your verifier says poryaki. Is that what's for dinner.

Sticky (not too) said...

Thank God I'm not the only one who has a strange love for Horatio Caine! Don't mess with the man -he will shoot your ass! How can you not love that!?

I wish I were the ultra observant, CSI wannabe that the police would come to for help in solving crimes, but...not even close. It's actually scary how observant I am not!

I have a great aunt that not only knows everything about what everyone is doing - but she know what YOU are doing and loves to tell you about it. Seriously, the woman tells you were you went, with who (whom?) and then tells you if you enjoyed yourself...and God help you if you contradict her!!

Cheryle said...

I *try* to pay attention, but I think - like Crash said - that I live in my head too much.

OTOH, I hope I'm never like my ex-mother-in-law who actually WATCHED someone clean out the next-door neighbors' house but didn't do anything because she didn't want to get involved! And she was distantly related to them!


Becky said...

I'm unbelievably out of the loop. I can't decide whether that's a good thing or a bad thing.

My mom, thanks goodness, is also out of the loop. But my MIL, oh good gravy! She makes me want to rip off my own ears. Bless her evil black heart.

wesley's mom (sue) said...

Um, Karen, while that story about your large neighbor is tragic, considering all of the activity that is going on JUST in your backyard, I think you are well within your rights to do a little disregarding here and there. I wish I could get by with that, if you know what I mean.

Crash, we are only having poryaki for dinner if my husband cooks it. I'm too tired to make anything tonight.

Sticky, what is it about Horatio, he is compelling yet repelling at the same time?

Cheryle, that is an awful story. Did she at least work with a sketch artist to help catch the crooks when it was all over?

Becky, In my opinion, out of the loop is better. The less I know the less I can repeat, and the less I repeat.... You get the idea. I hope your mother in law and her black evil heart (that is so funny) don't live close enough to stop by very often. I'd hate to see you lose an ear.

SWIRL said...

I am so out of the loop... I call it being self-absorbed... I'm like you.. it takes all my time and effort to keep myself in check.. how does anyone have time to be in other people's business?

I am so unaware- that it really is sad. We had some company come to visit- a grandpa type figure- a man I've know most of my life and my husband started getting calls, "Did you know.. so-in-so is coming here next week? Did we ask him to speak? Are we making any arrangements for him?? and my husband said, "uh.. yeah.. he knows my wife and is staying with us." The co-workers couldn't believe I knew this man for so long and didn't know who he worked for and what a rock-star he is in his field." I had no information or inside scoop.. to me.. he was just a grandpa figure I grew up with.
It was pretty funny- to me. I think others consider it oblivious.

oh and just visiting from CRASH