Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Stop me if you've heard this one before

I have a giant migraine. A giant marathon migraine, and frankly, I’ve had enough. For the last 3 weeks, give or take, this headache has held on. At times it has eased up to the point I have been fooled into thinking it was going away, but no dice. Every morning my husband calls me when he takes his break (because he really is sweet like that) and he asks how I’m doing. Sometimes I lie (but he can tell, and he doesn’t like that) the other days I have to tell him that I still feel like there is a tiny person with a jackhammer trying to remove my eyeball from the inside out.

I am falling apart here. I am angry. Angry because if I leave my house in anything less than a disguise worthy of Michael Jackson (you know, hat, sunglasses, and a body guard carrying an umbrella) the natural light of the outdoors makes me nauseous within minuets. I’m angry because I am letting my family down- don’t say “Oh, no. You are doing your best, blah, blah, blah….” Whatever. I am letting them down. I don’t want to be, and I am not being carelessly negligent, but when I am unable to perform my domestic duties they are let down. It’s the truth, I don’t like it, but I can face it. I am angry because I don’t want anyone in my ward to know how I feel because the only thing worse than a 3 week migraine is the knowledge that everyone either pities you or they think you are a big fat faker, so I just keep showing up and doing a crappy job because I don’t have the energy to be fabulous, now they just think I am a lazy flake. I am angry because I seem to have no control over my body, and feeling out of control really sucks.

Along with being angry I am physically and emotionally exhausted, guilt ridden, and depressed. Oh, yeah, I’m starting to get a little cranky too. Thanks for listening, I just needed to get that off my chest.


Becky said...

Sorry about the crappy 3 weeks. I know a bit about feeling lousy for an extended period; it sucks big time.

Hey, this is kinda cheesy, I know, but I like reading your blog (I was reeled in by your post about "Breaking Dawn") so I nominated you for a cutesy blog award thingy on my last post. Check it out if you want.

wesley's mom said...

Thanks! Cheesy works for me.

Just the idea that someone was reeled in by my riveting review of Breaking Dawn is reward enough.