Wednesday, August 6, 2008

I just want some integrity, is that too much to ask?

I have a job. –What, you didn’t know that? Hmm. That’s because I don’t usually tell people unless I need to. I’m a little embarrassed about my job. –No, I’m not a stripper. Sheesh. You people.

I work from home doing medical billing. I am lucky to have a job, my husband works in construction, which is slow these days, and we have five expensive-I mean, -fabulous children and me having this job has been a really good thing. I am extra lucky because I can be at home, choose my own schedule and my neighbor/friend is my boss. Some people might even say I have a pretty sweet setup. I should be gloating, not hiding.

Here’s the thing (don’t you hate it when people say “here’s the thing?”) my job is well, not very “enriching”. Yeah, I have the satisfaction of performing my tasks well, and sure the company provides a needed service, and I suppose by extension so do I. But what I see is that I am repeating the same act over and over all so that someone can make sure they get what’s owed them. The embarrassing part for me is that I think honestly, a well trained, somewhat intelligent monkey could do what I do.

I dream of doing something creative or something helpful. Ideally if I could combine the two I would be in heaven. Like a balloon artist, have you ever seen how happy people are in Red Lobster when the guy gives them their fish shaped balloon hat that he created with just a skinny balloon and his own two hands. Bliss! (I hope you know I’m kidding, I simply don’t have the lungs for blowing up those little balloons, have you tried it? It’s hard, and using that little pump would take away from the artistic integrity that I think is so important for an artist of any kind.)

Yesterday I told a friend that while I am grateful to have this job, I don’t see myself doing it in five or ten years. “Really?” she said in a long drawn out disbelieving tone. I couldn’t tell if it was because she thinks I have the best job ever, or she doubted my abilities, or she’s just realistic (is it possible that I read too much into what people say to me?)

I don’t think working should be about the money. Yes, I know everyone needs money. But what I believe and what I tell my husband when he is making vocational decisions, and what I tell my kids and really anyone who asks, is that it is more important to be happy than to be wealthy, and I really mean it.

Am I too unrealistic or idealistic? Is it silly of me to think, at this geriatric stage of the game (I am almost 40!), I could do something else? Something fulfilling? Something rewarding and enriching?

Also, am I too old for skinny jeans? Or are they on their way out? (there’s nothing worse than being an old woman in a dead end job wearing last season’s jeans)

1 comment:

Ward and June said...

I think it is better to be happy than wealthy but really I am just hoping that what makes me happy will lead to lots of wealth. I am working on a get wealthy very slowly plan that involves something that makes me very happy but cost a lot of money to start up. But I am getting away from myself. I don't think that's too much to ask.

And I am too big for 'skinny jeans' so I have no idea if you are too old or if they are going out of season, sorry.

I would like a monkey's job, unless it is at the circus or in a lab or something more degrading, oh well never mind.