Monday, July 7, 2008

Sabbath Anxiety

I get a big knot in my stomach on Sunday.

I know it is supposed to be a relaxing day of spiritual renewal, but for me, it just isn’t. It used to be. Before I had children, and before I joined the church. Now it is a day of unrealistic expectations, a day I’m not supposed to do any work, and a day of trying to get five children and a man into their Sunday best and out the door on time.

I get out of bed every Sunday with the best of intentions. This week I won’t be cranky, this week I won’t worry about all that I have to do tomorrow, this week I will ignore the messes, and the laundry. This week I will read my scriptures and let myself be enlightened.

Soon my family is up. Without the distractions of the world they are left with nothing but one another to amuse themselves. The teasing and arguing begin. And the food. The amount of dishes dirtied on Sunday is quadruple the amount on most any other day besides Thanksgiving.

By the time we are ready to leave for church everyone is cranky and the house is a wreck and we are wearing 3 loads worth of laundry that we will come home 3 hours from now and toss-inside out- down the laundry shoot. My husband will take a nap (his brand of spiritual renewal) and I will try to keep the children from waking him and killing each other.

My mother-in-law is so good at the Sunday thing. She reads her scriptures and writes in her journal. She wears a dress ALL DAY, she remains calm, and it never appears that she is thinking about tomorrow’s to do list. I feel deficient. What is wrong with me that I am unable to give one day of my week for replenishing my stores?

At the end of the day I want to collapse in a heap. This resting requires too much energy.

Hopefully I can recover tomorrow.

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