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Monday, April 28, 2008

Some things are not meant to be done with your Leatherman.

I have facial hair. Really. Unchecked I would have a mustache, beard, and the most bitchin unibrow you’ve ever seen. Fortunately I don’t let it go unchecked. I am a vigilant plucker.

I don’t do wax. Never have, never will. It frightens me.

Problem is plucking requires tweezers. Why is that a problem?

I. Have. Children.

It works like this. If there is something that I NEED, like tweezers, and have requested repeatedly to have kept in a certain spot, that item will NEVER be there when I need it. On the other hand if there is something that I NEVER need, like a pink Webkins poodle, and I have asked to have it NOT in a certain spot, that item will ALWAYS be on the stairs where I can find it anytime I want (which is NEVER, but absolutely never ever in the middle of the night when I am half asleep—a person could trip and almost fall down).

So, like I was saying, the facial hair must be removed. It is not a good thing to go out with a few whiskers if you are me (let’s be honest, unless you are a kitten, it’s a bad thing no matter who you are). I have even resorted to using those tiny fake tweezers that come in the Swiss Army Knives because my real tweezers could not be located. I hope no stranded camper ever has to rely solely on those things for their beauty routine, because it is no secret that Tweezerman and Swiss Army are not owned by the same stockholders.

If I had to guess, I’d say I buy between 7 to 10 pairs every year. I have even hidden them from my kids. No cigar. When you have a hot item like tweezers, you can run but you can’t hide.

Maybe you wonder what my children are doing with the tweezers, well you are not alone. I would really love to know. The point is, they are doing something. And I cannot pluck.

This morning I went into the bathroom, and there on the counter were 3 pairs of tweezers.

It’s not even Mother’s Day.

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