Monday, March 31, 2008

Weekend Update

First, an update. I’m sure you will all be relieved when I report that my carrot legs have returned to their pasty glory and I have learned my lesson. I was not meant to have pigment. I will forever be the girl with the porcelain skin.
Last week my daughter said that she KNOWS I shop at Wal-Mart when she’s not around. Apparently she is under the impression that my distain for the evil WM is some kind of reverse psychology. She thinks that I am secretly shopping there and having loads of fun in the process. When I assured her that this was not the case, I have not set foot in a Wal-Mart in over 2 years, she let me know that I am making a big mistake.

Why?” I asked.
“Because of the low, low prices. You could be saving a lot of money!” was her answer.

Indeed. Wal-Mart can rest easy in the knowledge that their ads are not falling on deaf ears. My sweet angel has every intention of heading over there the first chance she gets to see what kinds of bargains she can get her hands on. I bet she’ll be thrilled, and after working up an appetite trying on fashions by MaryKate and Ashley, she will surely head on over to the Cracker Barrel for a “home cooked” meal and some John Deere home d├ęcor.
On Saturday I overheard this from my son’s 12 year old friend-
I mean he’s kind of weird, he doesn’t even like to talk about girls at all.”
I don’t even want to know who they were talking about.

That’s all I’ve got for now, but I’m working on some really captivating stuff for tomorrow!!!

Friday, March 28, 2008

A piece of my sunless soul

I don’t usually like to get personal here on the internet, but I’ve had an experience this week that I feel strongly that I should share. Maybe someone else out there is going through something similar, I hope that my words can lift you up in your dark time and let you know that you are not alone.

In the winter my legs spend most of their time covered by pants and socks, I’m sure you can imagine. In the spring when it is time to reveal them for the first time of the year it can be a little shocking. I never seem to remember just how pasty I was the year before.

You might be thinking here-“Don’t you shower, or shave or something? Do you expect us to believe you haven’t seen those ghostly things in months?” Sure, I’ve seen them, but nothing ever prepares me for the horror of the sight of them in a skirt or shorts or heaven forbid—a swim suit!

This year I decided to take matters into my own hands and got my hot little hands on some L’Oreal “dermo-expertise” Sublime Bronze self- tanning gelee. With a name like that how could I go wrong? I’ve read all about how self tanners have come so far, no streaks, no orange hands, no knees and ankles darker than everything else.

What kind of shenanigans could I get into?

I showered, I shaved, and I exfoliated. I waited until I had plenty of drying time. I was so careful in my application, making sure I got an even layer of gelee, but not too much on my knees and feet. I washed my hands immediately with soap and water. I followed every direction and suggestion. Then I waited.

My legs dried and I went to sleep, blissful in the knowledge that no child would run screaming at the sight of my ghostly legs this year. No, this year I would have legs that said “Why yes, we did go to the Mediterranean for spring break.” I would be the envy of the PTO.

But alas, it was not meant to be. Yesterday morning I awoke to flesh the color of, well, carrots. That’s right; you can call me Lindsay Lohtan. It is not pretty. In fact it is down right ugly. My dreams of beautifully bare tan legs have been replaced by a woman sweating her way through the next few days waiting and hoping that the color fades quickly. I can not even wear flip flops people. My feet are ORANGE (evenly orange mind you, but orange just the same).

Consider yourselves warned. There’s no such thing as a free lunch, if you want to be tan, you are just going to have to brave the melanoma to get it. As for me, pasty is looking better all the time.

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Can someone please explain those gloves?!

Tonight the Demandatron and I decided to jump on the American Idol bandwagon. We tuned in, we took notes and we wondered what in God's name Paula Abdul was wearing. It was fun.

I’m a little late to the Idol party, so it’s all new to me. Apparently there is a theme each week. The contestants select a song based on the theme. They practice for a week, then on night one everyone sings, “America votes”, and the next night someone is sent home (or wherever they were before they were “famous”). This week the competitors had to use a song that was written in the year they were born. Most of them were born in the ever popular 1980’s. Anyone who listened to music in the 80’s knows that there are TONS of great songs to choose from; unfortunately these people were potty training, not listening to the radio….

~Ramiele~Born 1987~Alone~
She’s a cute girl but 1987 is the year I graduated from High School and I can tell you that it wouldn’t have been hard at all to find a song that was better suited to her personality.
The judges said-So-so
We said-What IS Paula wearing?

~Jason~Born 1987~Fragile~
First, I must say, dreadlocks give me the creeps. I’m sorry; I bet he’s a really nice kid, but the hair, ick!
It’s probably not a good idea to use a song Sting made popular unless you are dang sure you can pull it off. No such luck here. It was okay, but boring.
The judges said-Good choice but safe
We said-Sorry, we were distracted by Paula’s get up.

~Syesha~Born 1987~If I Were Your Woman~
From the goofy little clip they played before she sang I was prepared to be annoyed by her. I’m not familiar with this song but she really did well and she has a very nice voice.
The judges said-Brilliant, Stellar, Fantastic, and Some Pig (just kidding)
We said-One of our favorites tonight

~Chikezie~Born 1985~If Only For One Night~
Not much we can say, it was really boring.
The judges said-Dawg, that was old school and cheesy
We said-Yawn

~Brooke White~Born 1983~Every Breath You Take~
Again, this is one you need to be pretty confident you can pull it off. I didn’t feel like she did. Maybe it was a bad song choice; I couldn’t real pick out anything that drew me to her. It was pretty flat. And during the critique she looked like she might cry.
The judges said-Interesting and better than last week (which I didn’t see, but it must have been pretty stinky).
We said-Will someone please make Paula take off those damn gloves?

~Michael Johns~Born 1978~We Will Rock You/We Are the Champions
This was great. Good song choice, fun. Two thumbs up.
The judges said-His best yet and he has star potential
We said-That was almost good enough to convince us to actually text in a vote.

~Carly~Born 1983~Total Eclipse of the Heart~
This seemed to be the perfect song choice for her (you can decide for yourself if that’s a positive or negative). She has a strong voice with a distinct sound, which is way better than the boring blonds, but I don’t know if it’s enough to win. (I sound like an American Idol pro don’t I? You would never guess this is the first time I’ve watched an entire episode would you?)
The judges said-Interesting, didn’t quite work and “did you see my hideous gloves?”

~David Archuleta~Born 1990~ You’re the Voice~
Nice voice and a catchy tune, but it seemed a little too High School Musical for me. My daughter loved it.
The judges said-Strange and reminded them of a theme park.
We said-There is only room for one Ryan in Gabriella’s life. Sorry.

~Kristy Lee Cook~Born 1984~God Bless the USA~
Seemed to fit her style. She was comfortable and confident singing it. It wasn’t a stretch for me to imagine her singing this song before the calf roping portion of a rodeo.
The judges said-Best performance by a mile, and good song choice.
We said-Not very risky

~David Cook~Born 1982~Billy Jean (but not Michael’s version) ~
I really didn’t like it. It wasn’t any one particular thing, it just bugged me. And his hair, what’s up with that?
The judges said-Amazing, Molten, and Brilliant
We said-What is in those big cups of theirs?

So, in conclusion: our favorites are Syesha and Michael Johns, and we might need someone to tell us the results of the voting because I honestly don’t think I can spend another night watching Miss Abdul be nuts.

Monday, March 24, 2008

I really need a nap

I have nothing important or necessarily worthwhile to say, but I am fairly certain that my loyal following is dying to hear something, anything, so here ya go…

I am exhausted, yep, wiped out. Spring Break and Easter weekend have kicked my butt.

We participated in the traditional Spring Break Sleepover Marathon again this year, which is truly the only way to enjoy any vacation. There’s nothing like a never ending flow of children and teenagers who have not slept well in days to make you appreciate the public school system.

Saturday we had our annual family and friends Easter Picnic/Egg Hunt. Which is quite fun, but seems to be attracting a bigger crowd every year, I’m not much for crowds. I prefer small simple gatherings.

I don’t seem to be bouncing back very quickly. I’m tired.


Today our nine year old son had to write a story about who he would have over for dinner if he could choose any five people real or made up, alive or dead.

He picked two friends, one cousin, Will Smith, and Bart Simpson. They are going to have some KFC delivered and play Guitar Hero for the rest of the day. He didn’t have any trouble coming up with his top 5 or a menu. I wish I knew myself so well.

He is also getting ready for the Pinewood Derby this week. His car is very sleek and very gold. I always get nervous about the derby. There is so much pressure to perform and place well, everyone (of course) wants to have the coolest car, the fastest car, the WINNING car.
On Friday our oldest son went to an 80's party. The 80's are all the rage around here with the teenage crowd. It was such a simple innocent time that they all want to experience it. The 80's seem like yesterday to me, and the idea that my kids think of it as a "bygone era" has me wondering if it's time for me to start looking into "Active Adult Communities" and stocking up on bingo cards. Did I mention how tired I am? I'm no spring chicken that's for sure.

Thursday, March 20, 2008


We have a few boys so I over hear lots of interesting conversations. Things like what body parts do, what noises they make, who would win in a battle between Ironman and the Hulk. I hear video game strategy and plans for spying on older brothers. Quite often I hear an entire episode of the Simpsons reenacted for the educational value.

But twice this week I have heard conversations about something different, something I would have never believed if I hadn’t overheard it with my own ears. Grammar. Yep, they were talking about when to use me and I, you know “Mason and me watched the Simpsons.” Or “Dylan and I want to play the X-Box now.” One of them was actually able to explain the correct answer and why it was right. Then a day later, as if my heart could stand the shock of more learning going on while we are in the middle of a spring break from education I heard this-

Well, that’s an onamonapea.”
You know, like, Pow! Or woof, woof.”
Oh you mean when a word describes a sound.”

Then they changed back into real boys and started making up gross onamonapeas for a while.

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Um, I think this is hilarious!!

Works for me Wednesday

I have sock issues, I like them to match, not just the same color, but also the same style and "wear level". This used to be a problem for me because we have 5 children, 4 of them are boys, so alot of our laundry looks the same. Here's what I do-and it's purely for my own sanity, like I said, I have 4 boys, they could care less, as long as they have socks to wear, I don't even think they care if they are clean socks or not.

As soon as I buy a package of socks for anyone I use a sharpie marker to number and initial each pair. So, for my husband it would be 2 socks(a pair) that say D1, then D2, and so on.

This is one of the best things I've ever done. Like I said a lot of our laundry looks alike, so one person used to end up with lots of socks and some people didn't ever seem to have any. Also, this makes it so that the pairs actually match, which is huge to me. I can't stand to see one sock that has been obviously worn down the street without it's protective shoe covering, matched up with a pristine new white sock.

It helps with the sorting too. Now even the youngest person in our family can match them and make sure the right person gets their own socks.

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Guitar Hero, you complete me.

This is the first moment of peace I’ve had since school let out on Friday. The two youngest are in the family room getting their Guitar Hero Cherry Pie groove on, and no one else is home. Bliss.

Cherry Pie is the number one hit song of the week. It’s never been a favorite of mine, but it’s growing on me. Anything that can keep little miss “what are we gonna do now?” happy for longer than 10 minutes has a special place in my heart.

Monday, March 17, 2008

Spring Break, day 1

Our children are on Spring Break. Throughout my entire career as a mother I have always loved school breaks just as much as the kids. I like having them home. I like not being on a schedule. I LOVE not having the whole homework thing hanging over us day in and day out. It’s relaxing. We just hang out and enjoy our time.

Unfortunately the wind has shifted. Our youngest, and only girl, has turned into the child who cannot be satisfied. She has a need to have every minuet of everyday jam packed with activities and snacks. It’s not a sudden change, it has been gradually building for, well, all of her life. But I think she is reaching her peak. (At least I hope she is, I can’t take much more)

At the crack of dawn she begins by giving her sleeping 16 year old brother a St. Patrick’s Day pinch because he forgot to wear green pajamas. After she tells him to lighten up she starts asking me to cook breakfast--that’s right, no cold cereal for this girl, she believes in the benefits of a high cholesterol diet. Then we have the battle of the wardrobe, I don’t know why I bother because the first outfit of the day is usually long gone before she ever leaves the house. It’s important for your clothing to reflect your mood and hers changes often. Once “proper” attire has been settled upon the quest for fulfilling activities begins.

Can I have a friend over? Can I go to someone’s house? Can I paint? Is it almost lunch time? Will you paint my nails? How about we do a make-over in my room? Have you seen my High School Musical CD? When is Dad going to be home? Do we have any glitter? We should go to the movies. Well then, can I at least watch a movie? Is it almost lunch time? What are we having for dinner? I wish we had ice cream. Look at my loose tooth. It’s bleeding.

I am trying to console myself with the idea that an active mind is a sure sign of superior intelligence. It might not be, but it is a sure sign of a mother about to lose her marbles.

Thursday, March 13, 2008

You call that NEWS?!

Before I retire for the evening I like to take one last look at the headlines to make sure world events are under control. It helps me sleep. Tonight may be restless.

Here is what is being reported at this hour-

Boyfriend of woman stuck to toilet may face charges. - Now, I can see that this is a strange situation, and why you would want to date someone who wouldn’t leave their bathroom is a mystery to me, but CHARGED? I mean really, with what? And don’t you think the poor guy is suffering enough?

'Jackass' Star Steve-O Hospitalized – I have never seen Jackass myself (shocking I know) but can it really be a surprise to anyone that this man is in a mental hospital? My only question is “What took so long?”

And finally the story I couldn’t bring myself to read-

What’s Posh’s toilet paper trick?
--Um, seriously, I don’t know how they do things across the pond, but over here no one wants to hear about your “toilet paper tricks”.

I also heard that tomorrow President Bush is planning to speak about the economy—they are calling it a Pep Talk. I personally think he’s going to need something more like a Pep Rally (cheerleaders, marching bands, batons, the whole deal), but I look forward to news that’s a little more uplifting than what today offered me.

Vinnie Barbarino.... the wait is over!

I had a few subjects on my list of things to write about today.

Then I read this and got distracted. Which as you know, hardly ever happens!!

Have you seen this? Hulu. It’s a site where you can watch TV and movies for free. Well, almost. There are ads, so I supposed free is relative depending on what your time is worth. My time is definitely for sale if I can trade 30 seconds of it for one episode of “What’s Happening?” It’s been way too long since I’ve spent anytime with Rerun and the gang. You can read more about it here.

There are full episodes of current shows, although from what I can tell most of those are available at the network sites as well. It’s not everything, and some shows only have clips, not full episodes. The movie list is not huge, and I didn’t see too many that I was dying to see. I didn’t spend too much time on the movie list because I don’t really want to sit at my computer and watch an entire film. (although, calling “Dude, where’s my car?” a film seems like a stretch.)

What looks like fun to me are the old shows. Benson, Welcome Back Kotter, Fantasy Island, and the A-team are just a few. It’s enough to keep me from all the things I “should” be doing for weeks.

It will be interesting to see if they continue to expand their content. I, for one, enjoy a little mindless television viewing from time to time. For those of you who are not watching your televisions in an effort to serve the "greater good"(you know who you are), your sacrifices to the gods have paid off. Plug in your headphones and enjoy.

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Highly recommended

We love this book. Even the those of us who don't like to read. We started reading it aloud last night and no one wanted to stop. It's so funny, and there are these cute comics on every page.

I can't wait til it's time to read again.

going a little nuts

What is it about the election process that brings out the crazy in people?

Yesterday we had local elections and the people of our great city had an opportunity to make a difference in the form of a new mayor and new city council members. We've had years of a weak city council that has seemed to have no obvious agenda besides immediate revenue, with little regard for the future.

Hopefully this election will make a difference. Finally the citizens have demanded change!

Which should mean that the next time something goes wrong around here I won’t have to write a letter to the editor like this one some concerned citizen sent to yesterday's paper-

If Obama gets nod, switch to McCain
Mar. 11, 2008 12:00 AM

If Hillary Clinton is not the Democratic nominee, don't expect all her passionate supporters to gleefully jump aboard Barack Obama's bandwagon.

I would never vote for the man who spoiled my dream of seeing a woman president in my lifetime.

If Obama is the Democratic nominee, I will hop aboard the bandwagon of John McCain. At least he has a wealth of experience. – Name withheld


Is she serious? Her DREAM of a woman president? A woman? That’s all that matters to this person, the sex of the candidate? What about MY dream of troops being withdrawn from Iraq? Or of a better education for my children? And who is in charge of picking the letters for publication? I mean this isn’t some podunk little town, we live in a CITY with a substantial population and that’s the best they could do?--Sorry, I got a little carried away.

For further evidence of insanity you need look no further than YouTube. Here’s a glimpse of the Huck and what might have been going on at State Dinners if things had gone his way.


Tuesday, March 11, 2008

I heart John Mayer

Thursday, March 6, 2008

Message received

I feel the need to release some negative energy. (I actually feel the need to send out a mass e-mail in all bold caps, but this will have to do).

Why, oh why, do some of us (you know who you are) feel the need to forward every stinking “clever” thing that lands in your inbox? WHY????

Let me clear a few things up for you-

I don’t want to “take a quiz” or tell you my 50 favorite things.

I don’t care if my luck doesn’t change. Frankly, my luck’s not that bad, and if the only way to change it is to send the smiley rainbow letter to 25 people in the next 3 minuets, well, I guess I’m out of LUCK! And how lucky would it be to risk annoying the 24 ½ friends who feel just like I do about e-mails of good fortune? Not very.

I don’t think kitties or puppies or any other animal in a costume is cute, even if I know your pet, I don’t think it’s cute. I kind of think its mean, have you seen those cats? Do they look like they’re having a good time to you?

As much as I do support the troops, I am not going to wear blue every Friday, or even every other Friday. Nothing personal, but I’ve got five kids and one husband and pets to dress and photograph and e-mails to forward and I just don’t have the energy left to make sure my blue shirt is clean EVERY Friday. But I admire those of you who are willing to make that sacrifice.

Unless you know my politics it’s not a good idea to not pass along that racist immigration rant from your cousin in Boise, especially if they don’t have spell check. Not lucky. I didn’t know that side of you before, and I liked it that way. Don’t make me send you to the spam file.

And lastly, I’m having a hard time believing that Jesus has chosen to spend his days wandering around the internet. But if, for the sake of argument, he has, I don’t really mind if he gets stuck in my town. Maybe my luck will turn around.

*****If you send this to everyone in you address book in the next 60 seconds something amazing will appear on your screen!!*****

Tuesday, March 4, 2008

What's new with you?

I am reading The Book Thief. I like it. To say “enjoy” wouldn’t be accurate, it’s about a young girl during the Holocaust. Death tells her story, as well as a few others.

We are watching Across the Universe. It’s not for everyone, but I think most Beatles fans could endure it.

Saturday I made the most delicious dessert. I found the recipe here, and changed it a little to make it slightly less healthy.

It was a hit. We had friends over, the kind of friends who are a little food snobby. We made a great dinner, but the dessert was the biggest success of the evening.

I highly recommend you make it, but only if you have someone else to help you eat it, because I am warning you, you will not be able to stop yourself. –Trust me. After everyone left I ate the last two servings---with my fingers.

I am earning Free Rice, read about it here. As Martha would say, “It’s a good thing.”

And I can’t wait for this-

(*click on the pics for links-psst, it's the LONG trailer)

Monday, March 3, 2008

Adios Amigos

This morning as I am coming to grips with the fact that “Sweater Season” is indeed over I am a bit sad.

Yesterday afternoon, when, determined to wear this year’s favorite (a burnt orange cable knit crew neck pullover from the GAP) one last time for the year, I was nearly overcome by heatstroke. I knew then it was time to retire my cardigans to the top shelf for another year.

You see, we don’t REALLY have “Sweater Season” here, we have “Don’t get your hopes up, you’ll be lucky to wear your favorite jacket twice this year, and forget about the gloves honey Season.”

It’s like a game of strategy. Will I be able to wear this sweater all day? Without sweating through? Does the ratio of dry cleaning costs to times of wear make this a purchase I can feel good about? Double the points if you can make it all day in a sweater and boots-with long pants, the breeze factor of skirt wearing would be cheating.

I love my sweaters, probably because I hardly get to wear them, you know, wanting what you can’t have.

Really, my bikini means nothing to me, it’s so…….common.