Saturday, December 29, 2007


The year is almost over and I have a tendency to look ahead with grandiose plans of organization and goals that I would need 2 or 3 years of 32 hour days to accomplish. I suppose that the fact that I continue to look ahead with such enthusiasm says something about my optimistic nature, or, my husband might say, my tendency to have unrealistic expectations, either way it is always fun for me to sit down and think about what might be. I haven’t quite decided on anything yet. I always feel that once I’ve put it on paper, there is this (self-imposed) pressure to not fail.

Some people find January gloomy, the holidays are over and winter stretches out before us, the days are short and cold. I see it as a clean slate, a chance to get ready for the busy spring and summer. The rest of the year seems to pass so quickly, and I am grateful for the winter months and a chance to recharge for a bit.

Of course, before I can do any of that, I need to pack up the tree and the lights, the stockings, ugh, all of it, then watch Christmas Vacation one last time for the year, while polishing off the case of Martinelli’s Sparkling Cider we have accumulated through the generosity of our friends and neighbors.

Wish me luck finding time to do any of it!!

Thursday, December 27, 2007

Midol take me away--PLEASE!!

I detest PMS.

I can’t stand feeling out of control for 2 or 3 days, then it finally dawning on me that I am not in fact crazy, just hormonal ( is there a difference?). I hate that I do not even have a uterus, just ONE (apparently fully functioning) ovary. So, technically is it really P-M-S? It’s not “pre” anything, I am not menstruating, and syndrome makes it sound like a birth defect. Because I have just one ovary, my pms is completely unpredictable. It’s not every 28 days or even every 56 days, no, it’s completely random. I hate it. Crying over everything, eating every sweet, salty, and sour thing in a 100 mile radius, crying, eating, crying…..

Tomorrow I will probably wake up feeling fine. The last 4 days will seem like a bad dream. The only evidence will be the empty potato chip bags and the wary look in my husband’s eyes.

Wednesday, December 26, 2007

Seasons Greetings!

One of the best things about December is the mail.

Here are some things I’ve learned about our loved ones this year.-

1. Everyone loves their job.
2. All of their children are growing.
3. Most little sisters boss people around.
4. 3 families got new cars (maybe more of you did, but you must have forgotten to mention it)
5. One lucky new husband got to go on a “Family Honeymoon” to Disneyland with his new in-laws!
6. A few families are expecting babies next year, and a couple are expecting puppies.
7. They all feel very blessed to have us in their lives, and we them, so I guess that makes us even.
8. Teeth were lost and many recitals were attended.
9. Some traveled extensively and we feel as though we did too, after reading about all the fun they had on their vacations.

I love getting holiday letters every year. I look forward to catching up a little with all of our family and friends that we don’t see often enough. Each letter is truly representative of the family who sends it (or at least of the person who wrote it), and it’s not too hard to read between the lines of even the most boasty letters to get a true picture of the year.

Saturday, December 22, 2007

Please accept my heartfelt apology

I apologize –

To everyone on my gift list who lives out of state, your gifts are going to be late, I ran out of time.

To my sons who are tired of listening to Christmas music.

To anyone for whose child I have purchased a WEBKINZ this year, yes, I know I have consistently waxed on (and on) about the evils of the stuffed animal. What can I say; at least it’s not playdoh.

To everyone who unfortunately witnessed my outfit and yesterdays hair at Costco this morning, I hope you can recover before Christmas.

To my neighbors who will probably not be receiving home made treats from my kitchen this year. Like I said, “Out of time.”

To anyone who’s Christmas card got returned to me because I forgot you moved and the lame mailman brought it back to me instead of taking it on to you. I still hope you have a Merry Christmas, and your card is at my house if you want to pick it up.

To the family of the woman I sat behind at Annie Jr. last night, my mom wears mini skirts too, I feel for ya. Someone should stop them, but it probably ain’t gonna be me.

To everyone coming to my house for Christmas Eve, my house is a wreck, at least you didn’t have to have it at your house, and it’s the thought that counts, right?

To my family because every year I turn into Clark Griswold on crack, I have grand visions of family togetherness and perfect holidays. You know (and I know) that I have ideals so lofty that no family could ever achieve them and you love me anyway and play along every year. Thanks!! That is the true spirit of Christmas.

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Mothering for dummies(that would be me)

This morning I was in my sons’ room (I wasn’t snooping) and I found a note from a girl (okay, maybe I was snooping a little). She wrote, (of course I read it, I’m a bad non-privacy respecting mother) anyway, she was talking about another friend of theirs whose family is being evicted from their “****** apartment” and her family was going to have to stay in a shelter and how upset she was. It was just a short note, but she expressed her feelings very well, and I was sad for both girls and my son, because he is a sensitive kid and I’m sure he was upset by it. He’s never said anything to us about it, but he does say that he has a lot on his mind, or there are things I don’t understand. Of course, because I am so wise, I assume he means that his brothers and sister bug him and he doesn’t have anything left in his i-tunes account. I think he’s a kid and I don’t take him seriously.

This morning it (finally) occurred to me that when I am hounding my kids about chores and homework and blah, blah, blah and they look at me like I don’t get it, maybe I don’t. Obviously I don’t. They are out there living the real world from 8am to 3pm everyday. Their friends have problems, big adult like problems. Problems that no kid should have to deal with, and when I am saying “if you don’t pass Geometry you’ll end up in community college” (not that there’s anything wrong with that), they must be thinking “You’ve got to be kidding me?!?” This girl is homeless and I am talking about making sure the towels are folded the “right” way.

I feel like such and idiot.

Words of wisdom anyone?

It's beginning to feel a lot like Christmas

One of our Christmas traditions is Secret Pals. At the beginning of December we draw names, just our immediate family, and you are supposed to do nice things for your secret pal all month then make a gift for them for Christmas. We’ve been doing it forever.

This morning, while my person was in the shower, I snuck into his room and made his bed and tidied up his stuff. I was pleased with myself, I usually forget to do things for whoever I have and then end up overcompensating with a gift that takes a couple of sleepless nights to make.

A little while later, a not so nice voice, calls down “Hey, who ever made my bed, next time, don’t take off my blanket!” Ahh, it warms my heart. The spirit of Christmas is alive and well in our home.

Monday, December 17, 2007

Holiday Tour of Homes

I, not being a member of the Junior League, have never been invited to participate in a tour of homes before. You'll understand why when you get a load of my pictures. It's not much of a tour, but it seemed only fair to participate, I feel like such a voyeur checking out everyone else's homes.

This is the rule year 'round, I probably ought to just leave this up all the time!

I have been collecting santas for about 17 years, I can't wait to get them out every year.

These are antique ornaments. Another one of my favorite things!!

They were a bargain at a yard sale several years ago.

This is an iron candle holder, it's not much to look at but I when I was a little girl I loved the way the flame lit up the "stained glass". It makes me remember how much I enjoyed Christmas as a child. It's one of the few survivors of my nomadic childhood and I feel so lucky to have it.

My very favorite Christmas treat--

My great-grandmother's sugar cookies

2c sugar

2c shortening (not butter, crisco)

4 eggs

2T cold water

2t baking powder

1c flour -to begin about 8-10 total

1t vanilla

1/2t salt

Cream sugar and shortening until smooth. Add eggs, water, and vanilla. Stir in dry ingredients. Continue adding flour until dough is stiff, it will be nearly impossible to stir. Roll dough to about 1/2 inch on a floured surface. Cut with cookie cutters, bake @350 for about 10 minuets. Frost, of course, with your favorite frosting.

Friday, December 14, 2007


Last night the mother of our son’s good friend called me (at 10p.m, way past the hour I am accustomed to making polite small talk). She heard from her son that our son was getting a video game system for Christmas. Our son told her son (the grapevine is long and especially tangled when 14 year old boys are involved) that we (his parents) would only pay for ½ of said gaming system and that our son(the poor lad) was going to have to –try not to faint—EARN the money for the rest.

The conversation went like this

Other mother-“When my son told me you were making your son earn the money I thought maybe you were trying to trick him so he would be surprised when he got one for Christmas.”

Me-“Nope. We have explained to our children that we will not pay for anymore video game systems. The only reason we have been conned into paying half is that we are drunk with Christmas cheer.”

Other mom-“So, why is it you don’t want to buy any more video games?”

I am almost speechless, (not really, I am never, almost or any other kind of speechless).

Me-“Well, I think they are a waste of time and money, they turn your brains to mush (that is a scientifically proven fact), and I can’t stand all of the arguing over whose turn it is. ”


Other mom “Really?”


She then began to tell me how much fun she personally thinks video games are and that she has purchased a few for herself this Christmas, including ROCK STAR, which is going to be such a BLAST!!! –That’s a quote; she actually used the word BLAST.

Other mom-“I mean, like, how will your kids be able to defend themselves against the virtual evils they will meet in their virtual lives?”

Not really, I made that part up.

The rest is all true. Sad, huh?

To which I could only say “Wow.” Not an enthusiastic wow, more like its 10:00 and I am missing the best of Leno (writers strike, you know), for this, wow.

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

I love you all, really, I do.

This is an open letter to all of the people who think that their time is more valuable than mine.-

You are not the center of my universe. The 6 people who are the center of my universe keep me fully occupied. Day and Night. If you have stopped by my house and found me in my pajamas at noon it is not because I am bored or depressed, I do not need to get up and get out, no, I do not need to breathe fresh air, and even if I did- taking care of your children, fulfilling your church calling, and listening for HOURS about your crappy marriage would not be the things I need to lift me from my funk. NO, if you have found me in my jammies it is because my own life has kept me too busy to take the 30 seconds it would take to put real clothes on.

Here’s the deal, the low down if you will.

I actually enjoy serving my fellow man and when a true crisis occurs I rise to the occasion—ask anyone who has been the beneficiary of my generous nature. But, you not waking up on time, forgetting to tell anyone you are going out of town, and not being able to stand up for yourself for the last 15 years are not my emergencies. And when your fake drama makes me late to pick up my kids I want to scream. I wish I could say this is my declaration of independence, but alas, I love most of you losers who are taking me for granted, so I will probably continue to be at your beck and call. But at least now I have expressed my frustration to the universe.

Or the 3 people who read my blog anyway.

Made by me #3

This is a charm I made for my niece .
it has her name on one side

and the ladybug on the back.

These are fun to make, hopefully I will have time to make a few more before Christmas.

Saturday, December 8, 2007

I wonder what she got me

We have our own little Aunt Bethany. My daughter has been going around the house wrapping up things that already belong to her. Lucky for the cat she hasn’t found just the right box yet. But she’s looking. I can’t decide if she has an overwhelming urge to share the spirit of the season or if this is a creative way to clean her room. Either way it’s very generous, but she sure is using a lot of tape.

I am excited to (finally) get our Christmas pictures done and in the mail next week, but
this post made me think that I could maybe take next year off.

Thursday, December 6, 2007

Cheeseburger Soup

This is my soup recipe for the soup exchange on BooMama . Reading any recipe doesn't really get me excited, I need pictures. You will have to trust me that this soup is so yummy that once you make it you will want to make it often.

1/2 lb ground beef, browned and drained
3/4 c chopped onion
3/4 c shredded carrots
3/4 c diced celery
1t basil
1t parsley flakes
4T butter
3c chicken broth
4c peeled diced potatoes
8oz pkg velveeta
1 1/2 c milk
1/4 c flour
3/4 t salt
1/4-1/2 t pepper
1/4 c sour cream

Saute onion, carrots, celery, basil, and parsley in 1T butter until vegetables are tender (about 10 min). Add broth, potatoes, and ground beef; bring to a boil. Reduce heat; cover and simmer 10-12 min. or until potatoes are tender. Meanwhile, in a small skillet melt remaining butter. Add flour, cook and stir 3-5 min or until slightly brown and bubbly. Add to soup; bring to a boil. Cook and stir briefly, then reduce heat to low. Add velveeta, milk, salt, and pepper. Stir until velveeta melts, remove from heat and add sour cream.

This soup always seems like alot of work and like it is taking forever to make, but it is soo worth it.

made by me #2

I decided to make these POOL NOODLE SWORDS after my sister-in-law told me what a fun time my (grown, soon to be a father of twins) brother had with the set he (recently) made for himself. I did a search, thinking I would find a couple of pictures to use here. HA!!

Little did I know.

The technical name for the pool noodle sword is a Boffer. (I will be sticking with the old fall back-pool noodle sword. Boffer is just not sitting well with me.) Having found the proper name I expanded my search and found that there are MANY, grown men with too much time on their hands, I mean, informative sites out there where you too can learn the art of Boffer construction, as well as how to make endless other “weapons” from PVC and foam, (the neighborhood mothers will be happy to hear, I draw the line at swords, so your children are still (mostly) safe here). A few sites even remind us that safety is first and foremost when dueling.

Not only are the instructions available, but there are organized Boffing leagues—I am not even kidding (oh, how I wish I were). Teams to join, waivers to sign, you can also make your own homemade chainmail for added protection—I didn’t click there, it’s already WAY more than I ever wanted to know.

Merry Christmas Boys!!

It's much too spicy!!

Sporty, Scary, Ginger, Skinny, and girl whose spice I never knew (fennel?),
How do I hate thee, let me count the ways, or NOT. You were a joke then and you are a joke now. Get off my TV, my internet, and for the love of all that’s good, give the tabloids back to Britny!

RIP Ladies.

Wednesday, December 5, 2007

made by me #1

Yep! Aprons.

I almost always wear one when I am messing around in the kitchen. At first it was every once in a while on Sundays to keep my "good" clothes from getting wrecked. Now it is almost a habit. It's so handy, you don't get all dirty while cooking, you always have a safe place to wipe your hands and if you are really lucky you have a pocket or two.

Another great thing about wearing an apron is that if someone drops by unannounced they are likely to think you are so domestic AND usually an apron is a sign of a work in progress. Which equals =short visit. I don't know about you, but I am not usually in the market for long drop ins.

So, if you are on my good list and you get an apron, pretend you love it. If you don't, you should.

Love it, I mean.

Tuesday, December 4, 2007

made with love

I love this.
I love making my gifts.
Starting tommorrow I will post some of the fabulous items I intend to make for my loved ones.

I am going to try to make or purchase handmade at least 50% of my gifts this year. I am also going to use recycled gift wrap, my mother in law has been doing this for YEARS!!

She's so hip.

Thursday, November 29, 2007

to all a goodnight

There is a situation, actually a series of situations that we encounter every night at bedtime. It appears that rather than having a bedtime routine for our children, they have one for us. It goes like this.

9pm (give or take)-we read scriptures as a family and have family prayer. Then an announcement is made for all to brush their teeth WITH TOOTHPASTE (this is important, some of our children do not see the value of cavity prevention). Immediately following the hygiene instructions the younger two (who are 7 and 9) begin vying for choice sleeping locations. The best spots are in my bed. The reasons for this range from not wanting to sleep alone to really wanting a chance to scratch Dad’s back (this is sooo cheating, like Dad would EVER turn down a good –or even mediocre- back scratching.)
Eventually everyone finds a place to sleep and I head downstairs for a few minutes of wit gathering before I pass out from exhaustion.

Am I the only one who needs to be alone at the end of the day? Am I so awful because it annoys me to no end that my children want to sleep with my husband and I every single stinking night? I wish I were one of those moms who loved to lay down with my children at night and listen to them breathe. But I am just not. –In my defense, I am usually quite pleasant in the morning, by bedtime I am spent.

I crave the quiet. I want to be alone. I want to watch things on TV that are not Hannah Montana. I like to have a glass of soda that is backwash free. If that makes me a monster then so be it. But NOO, it is not to be.

Within 10 minutes of the final goodnights our 14 year old is back down to” tell me something”.
Back up.
*2 minutes pass16 year old, just wanted to give me one more kiss.—this boy is only affectionate after 8pm, when he might catch a glimpse of Law and Order.*2 minutes pass14 year old, needs a drink*2 minutes pass14 year old-“looking for my wallet” ARGHH!

Do they suspect I am having crazy fun without them? Can they just not bear to be apart from me? I know I will miss it someday when I am old and no one wants to give me one more kiss. But maybe, just once a week………

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

'tis the season (almost)

I actually received a Christmas card yesterday.

I know what you are thinking—it’s not even December yet.

Adding insult to injury is the fact that this card is handmade! AND contains a LETTER!!!! I love the sender , but come on. The pressure is too much. It’s possible that the only way to counter this early greeting is to send none at all myself. (Can you tell an afternoon with Clark did not alleviate my Christmas dread?)


Well, Thanksgiving is over, and for all practical purposes, fall is also over. Now I am being pressured by the masses (my children) to drag out the holiday decor, and frankly this year I just don't feel like it.

Make no mistake, I am well aware that it doesn't matter if I feel like decking the halls or not- We shall deck.
Usually I am all for it. The tree trimming, the cookie baking, the carol singing. This year I am having a hard time shaking the feeling that it is all so incredibly excessive and wasteful. Which it is of course, that's not news, it just has never bothered me before.
I am going to spend the afternoon with a blanket and a fire watching this-

And see if I can come to my senses.

Monday, November 19, 2007

Hello? Are you kidding me!?!

Right this minuet, at the bottom of this blog, there is a google ad that says

—Date Local Married Women—

You’ve got to be kidding me!! Google matches the ads to the blog content. Have I somehow, with my fascinating stories of my fabulous life, given these morons the idea that I am a lonely married woman looking for trouble? The worst part is that I have (naturally) forgotten my google ads password, I can’t even figure out how to tell the idiots that they are idiots. Though I am hoping that with this post some of their genius ad matchers will get a whiff of my true feelings. I am not looking for a man,and I certainly hope the 3 or 4 people who read my blog are not looking for a man either. One is more than enough.

Heads up google—we (lonely crazy housewives) are not interested in another man, we are however interested in chocolate, diet soda, great shopping and gossip. Now you know.

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

No, REALLY, Thank you!!!

Okay, it ain’t easy being grateful. It was easy to make a list of people I am grateful for. Putting that on paper is something else all together.

Maybe some of you have noticed that I haven’t posted anything for a few days, though I doubt it, but hey, maybe all three of you have!! Right after posting my overly ambitious goal of the 30 thank yous in 30 days I was offered a job working from home. So I am now working 20-30 hours a week. It’s at home but I am still in the adjustment period, so it feels like 60-80 hours a week right now.

Anyway I decided that I should post a little something today for all of you who have been anxiously awaiting your handwritten expression of gratitude from me. I am still thankful for you and I still plan to send those letters—it’s just going to take me longer than 30 days to get to it. And I thank you now for being so kind and patient with me!!

Now I must finish my breakfast of Diet Mountain Dew and exotic foreign blueberry “doughnuts” ( I use the term doughnut loosely, because these things are not even nutritional enough to be called doughnuts in the technical sense.) and get to work.

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Thanks alot!!!

I just read about this great idea, 30 Days of Thanksgiving which started today. It is such a great idea. I sat down and made a list of 30 or so of the people who make my life great and I marched right over to Target, like I do every other day of the week, and found some cute Thank You cards, and I came home and got the first one in the mail. It felt really good.

Updates to follow. Wish me luck.

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Sparkles and such

Last night I went to one of those “low pressure” home parties—which in themselves are another topic for another day. It was a glittery jewelry party, which is really not my thing as I hardly wear jewelry and never the glittery kind. ANYWAY, I browsed the selection and then headed into the kitchen, because food is totally my thing, even the glittery kind. I stumbled into a conversation already in progress. Several of the “lipstick/sparkle” girls were there discussing boob jobs. It was an awkward moment when I realized I was the only gal in the room who hasn’t had one and doesn't want one.

“Well, I’m having mine redone in couple of years. I had them done, and then I had a baby”

Groans all around, this is apparently a bad thing, for some reason I am not privy to.

“I had mine totally reconstructed”

Something about nipple directionage.

“I’ve had people ask why I went so big.” WHO?? “I tell them, I paid 8 grand for these things, I want everyone to know I had a boob job.”


I just sort of eased myself out of the room, after all I had nothing to add, except—“You women are CRAZY!!”
I have “views” on breast augmentation. Mind you I have a gold plated soapbox in my family room, I have “views” on LOTS of things, but when did this just become so common place? There seems to be an unspoken competition between women. Not to be the best mom or the best homemaker, those events still exist, but they have been surpassed by the “Never in a Million Years Could You do all of Your Mom Stuff and still Look like THIS” competition. The hair, the nails, the clothes, the Boobs!

Thursday, October 18, 2007

bad habits

I have confession, I watch reality T.V. Not only do I watch it, I ENJOY it. I know it is scandalous. If I am not going to be home I record America’s Next Top Model, I know, it’s pathetic. I love to see the girls get made up and the clothes and the DRAMA. The makeover episode is my favorite. I love Tyra, and Mr. Jay and Nigel. Twiggy gets on my nerves and Miss J, gives me the creeps.

I watch Survivor, yes, I know, they all lie, I know that having a boob job will definitely earn you a spot in a remote location, and I know that without an alliance and some serious trickery no one stands a chance of winning that million bucks.
I am ashamed. I feel like reality T.V. is dumb. And that by watching I am getting dumb(er).

Still I watch.


Wait—there’s more. I also watch BIG LOVE, and I really like it. I surely could be cast out of the inner circle at park day. I can’t help it. I love watching Bill deal with his wives, and I can’t stand that stinking Nicki, and Roman…….

So, my secret is out, sorta. It could be worse, right?

Friday, October 12, 2007

My favorite

This is my favorite nephew.
He LOVES to be photographed.

Thursday, October 11, 2007

Fall Break

It's Fall Break!!
I am so excited. I love fall and I love school breaks. No homework! No cross country practice!
No early morning name calling.
Autumn is my favorite, not that we have much changing foliage or many crisp mornings around here -
But my childhood memories and photos like these help get me through-

We are going to spend the day getting SPOOKY!!
Yea!! for FALL!!
Changing leaves
Pumkin Pie
Candy Corn

Tuesday, October 9, 2007

It takes one to know one

This morning I went into the bathroom, on the floor was a note that had obviously been slipped under the door, it said-

Stop being a d***. Oh you can’t because you are one.

As I wonder who the writer and intended recipient are (though I have a pretty good idea), I am nearly overcome with the immature urge to scrawl
“I know you are but what am I?” on the bottom of the paper.

I resist, and toss the note in the garbage. Because I am the mother.

Pink Houses

Around the corner some of our neighbors have painted their house pink. Pepto pink, with a nice rose trim. It's only been about a week and the first 20 or 30 times you drive by, you gasp. My 7 year old daughter LOVES it. She has had her eye on a purple house near her school. Finally having a pink house in her own neighborhood is more than she could have hoped for.It's a bit bold for my taste, but having the option is one thing I love about living in the "HOA free zone". (That and the fact that I can leave my valentine decorations up until Easter.) Our streets have character and charm. We don't all have to agree on what constitutes "charm". So, yesterday a friend who lives in another neighborhood came by and she said,"I'm so sorry your neighbors painted their house pink."I laughed. It's pink but I didn't realize sympathy was in order.She was serious!! "Maybe they hate Mormons." she said.


1. Why on earth would you garner that a pink house means mormon hater? (our neighborhood is about 70% lds)

2. Am I naive? Would someone go to such lengths to annoy? I mean it's really pink.

3. Are some of my lds friends so sensitive that they would perceive an ugly house to be an insult somehow directed at their faith?Really, it's kind of funny to me. Should I be worried about the "evil antis" in the bubble gum house?
P.S. The house at the top is NOT our pink house.

Monday, October 8, 2007

American History

I mentioned a few days ago how Gone with the Wind was being used to teach my son about the Civil War, well, things are NOT looking up in the Dept. of Social Studies at our local Jr. High. There was a question on today’s homework about sectionalism and it’s relation to the secession of the southern states (material no doubt covered by Miss Scarlet). In an effort to make sure we were all on the same page I suggested we look up the definition of sectionalism in the glossary. Imagine my surprise when I discovered not one but two glossaries in the back of the book. Yep, in my son’s American History book there is an English glossary and a Spanish glossary. Definitions in Spanish, for those living in the United States, going to a school funded by American tax dollars and learning (or to the best of David O. Selznick’s cinematographic abilities) about the history of the United States of America!!!
I am all about equal opportunity and my views on immigration (among other things) have caused me to be labeled a liberal in some circles, but this is really, in my book, too much. If we expect these kids to speak English and learn about American History I think it’s time we do what ever is necessary to make sure they can speak the language. I am not of the opinion that a Spanish glossary acheives this goal.

On a completely different note, this morning as I am doing my daily “blog check” I am overwhelmed (in a good way) at all of the interesting topics relating to General Conference and I can’t wait to read them all. –But, wait I will, for I have much to do this morning. SIGH.

Friday, October 5, 2007

Common Courtesty

I have just learned from a neighbor, that another neighbor has been not performing proper clean up when her pet unloads on our lawns. This is upsetting for a few reasons.

1. This neighbor (the negligent one) is the first to have a “Come to Jesus Meeting”—her words, when she feels she has been wronged.

2. I am a bit frightened of this person and her CtJM’s. I know that is lame, but it’s true.

3. My lawn looks bad enough already, I really don’t need someone else’s dog crap out there!!

So, what to do? She walks the dog at 5:30 a.m. even on the weekends. I am not inclined to patrol my yard at that ungodly hour. I am not the passive aggressive type, it’s not my nature to collect the piles of crap and return them to her yard. I am also not unpassively aggressive, so the odds of me confronting her are pretty slim too. I wish I had a backbone!!

Thursday, October 4, 2007


My friend’s daughter has been staying with us this week. It’s making me cranky. Please understand, it’s not unusual for me to be cranky, it’s just not so often that I can absolutely pinpoint the cause of said crankiness. So I started thinking, why are some peoples’ children easier to like (love, even) than others?

This little girl should be painless, she’s potty trained, and dresses herself, she sleeps through the night, and more often than not plays well with my daughter. At first I thought that the problem was with me. Maybe I am some kind of kid hater. But I am SO not a kid hater, I love kids. Our house is usually full of them, and most of the time I am glad. Even so, every once in a while one comes along that really gets to me.

Is it the way I feel about the parents? Her folks are a little nutty, but who isn’t, right? I don’t think that’s it, plenty of our regulars have parents that I either don’t care for or don’t have an opinion about at all, and one tyke that really bugs me has a mom that I adore.

I don’t think it’s necessarily her habits; whining, not speaking when spoken to, and teaching my daughter dance moves that include pelvic thrusts, though I really could do with out the thrusting. So what is it?

I know that when she leaves I will feel guilty, not because I have been mean to her, I haven’t. I will feel guilty because I will be relieved she is gone. Am I the only one who feels this way?

Wednesday, October 3, 2007

Song of the South

I am exhausted.

Last night I was up until midnight helping my 12 year old son finish his French dream house (if only), and reading 10 pages about the Louisiana Purchase and the Gold Rush. The reason he had to read about them last night is because he has spent the last 3 days of class time watching Gone with the Wind. That’s right, somehow it is more important to see Scarlet O’ Hara make a fashion statement in her window treatments, than to hear and discuss Thomas Jefferson’s Fabulous Buy of middle America. Silly things like the invasion of California by greedy gold mongers can apparently be intrusted to the parents. That’s fine, but what on earth are we paying Mrs. U.S. History for?! He had to make a freaking Gone with the Wind flip book!!!

Thursday, September 27, 2007

Autumn Salad

I have just discovered my new favorite treat. I am calling it –Autumn Salad.

Ingredients- One Bag of Dark Chocolate M&M’s(fall colors)
One Bag of Peanut Butter M&M’s (Halloween colors)
Mix in candy dish (or salad bowl), try to get some of each type on your fork(just kidding, I know you aren’t using a fork!!). YUM!!

Maybe I will use my newly discovered super powers to write a cook book.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Superhuman Strength

I get headaches. Lots of headaches. It is sooo frustrating. Because I get so many headaches (they sometimes last a while—days) I am ALWAYS behind. So on the days that I don’t have a headache I am usually trying to catch up. Which means doing (or hoping to do) 2 or 3 days worth of laundry, dusting, errands, you get the picture.

Today it occurred to me that I really do get a lot done on these days when I am feeling pretty good. “Imagine,” I said to myself, “how much you would accomplish if you didn’t ever have headaches!!” That’s when I realized that it would be unfair to all of the “regular” people of the world. Because it seems I have superhuman powers. The only thing keeping me from being sought out by the League of Justice is the fact that I am only able to use my powers about 4 days a week.

Thursday, June 14, 2007

Vanity Fair

This month Vanity Fair Magazine shot 20 covers for their Africa issue. On their website there is a special deal for new subscribers, a poster featuring all twenty covers, pretty cool. I already have a subscription so I anxiously waited for my new issue to arrive. Guess who I got-- Not George Clooney or Don Cheedle!

Warren Buffett and the Gates. Please don't misunderstand, Warren and Bill and Melinda are very admirable, but how unfair is it that some people get to look at George or Don all month long (some lucky dogs get Brad Pitt AND Djimon Hounsou) and I get Bill Gates. I guess I will just be greatful that I dodged the George Bush bullet!

Friday, May 18, 2007

Lucky Me

Mornings are insane at our house, five kids, three bathrooms, lunches to pack, socks to find, homework to finish(UGH!!!), real and imagined offenses run amuck, you get the picture. Most days I am just relieved and exhausted when the door closes behind the last little chatterbox. They leave and then I go about the business of anxiously waiting for them to come home so I can be pleasant afternoon mom, instead of hurry, hurry, we're going to be late morning mom.

Twice this week something strange has happened. I drop my little sweeties off at school and as I am driving away I am overcome with love and gratitude not only for my children but for my whole life(on one of these mornings I actually CRIED all the way home). This is odd for a few reasons. First, I know I have a great life, but I am not one of those gals who goes around praising the heavens for all my "blessings". I know I am blessed, I am just private, plus any fool can see I have a great family! Second, I was listening to morning radio, which is so not conducive to feelings of sentimental joy. Third, the whole morning ritual doesn't really lend its self to overwhelming love.

So what's the deal? PMS? Menopause? Armageddon? Who cares, right? I am just glad that somewhere inside me is the ability to spontaneously feel gratitude and love. And I hope I am somehow able to pass that ability on to my sweet beautiful children. The world can't have too many grateful loving people, can it?

Saturday, May 12, 2007

why bother?

So, I'm sitting around having my afternoon snack (all of my chores are done, really) and I notice that the pringles can from which my snack cometh has "nutritional information" printed on the side. Not only in english but also in spanish. Few points here.

1. Can't they call it something else? Do the folks over at pringles expect us to believe for a second that pringles, which are not even real chips, have any nutritional value? Maybe the header could be "What's in this crap." or "It's tasty, but that's about it and here's the proof."

2. Only those of us who speak spanish or english get to know just how bad off we are for giving in to our demons and indulging in a delicious serving(or three) of Spider-Man trivia Pringles.

3. Honestly, people who eat pringles care nothing about their nutritional intake. If we did we sure wouldn't be eating pringles.
4. It is so sad that I am spending my afternoon eating and writing about junk food.