Sunday, April 24, 2016

Sometimes people are awesome.

I have not written a post about my super crazypants love of the Hamilton musical because A. When I first fell in love I was WAY too busy with school to write the post it deserves, and B. Now EVERYONE loves Hamilton, and you know how I feel about things that are trending. BUT...for once, being super popular has not made me love this thing any less (remind me to tell you how I about how I am so worried {yet at the same time happy for them} that the Avett Brothers are becoming super popular.)

I said all that to say this. Hamilton the musical is all kinds of awesome and sometimes I get lost on YouTube watching Ham 4 Ham videos, and this morning, while I was doing that I came across this...

Saturday, April 23, 2016

What? Me, worried? Nah.

I am what you might call...chronically unsure of myself. I find that I constantly need reassurance that I'm doing the right thing. Not only in the big things, but also in the silly things, like the route I drive to and from work everyday, or what kind of shoes look best with a given outfit. My hair, should it be long or short? Curly or straight?

My gut feelings carry zero weight. I need other  people to tell me I'm doing the right thing and that everything is going to turn out okay in the end.

I should really have a fortune teller on retainer.

I am 2 finals away from being a senior in college. That means I am 1 year away from having a college degree.

{My future college degree should be very nervous. There's A LOT of pressure on it to COMPLETELY transform my life.}

I have worked so hard to get here and learned so much, in both the academic sense and the cosmic sense. There have been times this semester when I wanted to quit SO badly. I would convince myself that this whole "getting a degree" thing was pointless. Then I would think of how humiliated I would be to give up, so I stuck it out, but the battle in my head continued constantly.

As I inch closer to graduation I'm scared. I want someone to tell me it's all going to be okay. That I'm going to get a great internship where I won't feel like an idiot because I'm older than, not only all the other interns, but probably my boss too. I want to be reassured that all of this work was worth it and that I will get a job doing something I love and I will be able to make difference in the world before I die (no pressure). I want someone to tell me my hair looks good and that the way I drive to work is the quickest and most efficient. I want to  know if vitamins really work, or if they are a waste of money. What about chickens? Will I regret it if I get a couple? Is having eggs that come from happy birds going to make me bitter because I have to clean up the mess?*

Is that too much to ask?

*(I already know the answer to this one.)

Tuesday, March 8, 2016

It's the best time of the year...

The weather is lovely, the air is heavy with the scent of orange blossoms, and the sound of basketball nearly drowns out the sound of primary season. Ahhh...Spring.

Selection Sunday is right around the corner so it's time for the annual bracket group post.

If you want in, the link to the group is HERE


1. Click on the link to get to the group.
2. If you've played before use your same login/password from last time, or you can login through your facebook account.
3Pick your teams.
4. When your team wins you get points, whoever has the most points at the end of the tournament wins. (No magic crazy scoring systems that involve math, we use the ESPN rules.)
5. Winner gets one shirt, any team they want. Unless you don't like prizes, or you feel weird about claiming prizes, or you don't wear shirts. Most importantly... winner gets the glory, which everyone knows is better than a shirt. (Unless it's a Kentucky shirt, duh.)

 Brackets cannot be filled in until Sunday evening (the 13th) after all of the teams have been announced. The group will remain open until tip off of the March 17th games at that time the group will lock and you will be sad that you did not get in on the fun. 

*A couple of old posts that you might find helpful as you spend the next few days studying up.

On your mark,..get set... go!

Sunday, January 3, 2016

Is there anything more jinxy than publicly announcing your resolutions?

This morning I woke up early with goals on my mind. Being in school takes the fun out of goal setting, because school is just one GIANT goal that consumes a great deal of my...everything.

There are lots of things I want to be more of~


However, thanks to my brain being unable to shut off, I thought ALL NIGHT long about what would be most beneficial to the me, and to my relationships with the people I care about (and probably even to the people I don't care about).

I came up with 3 things.

1. Focus. My mind is ALWAYS going a million directions at once. I read and "listen" at the same time. I talk on the phone while having conversations with my kids (could there be a WORSE thing for a mother to do? Call me dramatic, but I think not). My mind wanders when I'm talking to, well, lots of people. It's a terrible terrible terrible habit. Goal number one is to have ONE conversation at a time and always make eye contact if it's an in-person conversation. 

2. Balance. I get super cranky when I don't get my "space". It's selfish I know, but fortunately, I don't require massive amounts of personal time. So when I say balance I don't mean the scale will be set at 50/50, probably more like 97/3, but I think that making sure I get 30 personal minutes daily is, A. Not asking too much, and B. For me, plenty. Goal number 2 is to spend half hour of each day doing something that I want to do, like exercising, reading a non-school related book, or watching dumb TV.

3. Laugh. Listen, I gotta tell you, at this point I feel like my "goals" seem stupid, but I know myself, and I know that these three things are holding me back, so STOP JUDGING ME! Sheesh, When I laugh my whole disposition changes. I imagine most people feel the same, but I also imagine, and maybe I'm way off here, but I imagine most people have an easier time finding things to laugh about than I do. I love funny things, but, especially lately, my head is down and I'm hurrying from work to school to chores to bed and back again, taking time to laugh does not find its way onto my very full to-do list. Therefore, goal number 3 is to find the humor in my life. Honestly, this might be the hardest thing on my list.

Putting everything out here on the blog should help with accountability. I know that all three of my readers will be on pins and needles waiting for progress reports. I'm also going to straight away (I've been watching a lot of British TV over the break) set monthly dates in my calendars to evaluate my progress, AND I'm going to tell my phone to remind me. Hopefully I will annoy myself so much I will be impossible to ignore.

I feel like I never do anything the easy way. These are not very specific or measurable goals, and maybe I will forever be a terminally serious and grouchy person who is unable have meaningful relationships because I am not able to give my undivided attention to any one thing at a time or laugh at silly stuff. But I hope not, because that would be sad.

Saturday, September 26, 2015

The sad part is, I can't even make myself care.

Y'all, I am a grown woman who cannot remember when she last showered. I am offically a bag lady.

I can't remember if I've showered, so I certainly cannot remember what I have written about here in the last 6 months, but in my head I have composed dozens of posts about my fears of transferring to ASU from community college, and how I just KNEW it was going to be horrible, and possibly kill me.

Turns out those fears were 100% justified.

Going to "real" college is about to do me in. At least 3 times a week I seriously entertain the thought of quitting school.

This is dumb. Right? I cannot quit school. RIGHT?

I love my classes (unless they are taught by cheery non-cynical people. BTW, cheery non-cynical people, you are annoying.). What I don't love is feeling like everything is going so quickly that I don't have time to savor what I'm learning. I want to roll around in the Federalist Papers and read all 6000 pages of Democracy in America. I want to hang out with other nerds and talk about just war theory.

At the same time, I want to talk to my kids about boys who are jerks and what color tie to buy for homecoming. I want to watch 20 episodes of Parks and Rec with them and eat ice cream and laugh our heads off.

I want to be everything to everyone, is that so much to ask?


The 10 minutes I stole from homework to write this were up 3 minutes ago. It's been real. Light a candle for me, k?

Saturday, June 13, 2015

Some days I don't even know...

This morning I found a treasure chest of cryptic (and not so cryptic) notes on my phone. I have no idea what the context was for most of them. Apparently when I'm in tight spot with no one to talk to, I turn to my phone, and as I read the notes, I think my phone has got to be a little annoyed that I'm taking up its valuable time with my loony nonsense.

At any rate, for your reading enjoyment, I give you...Crap I told my phone. (phone notes in red, my commentary on the notes in blue)

*Isn't it funny how our actions mean more to our parents than they do to us? Like with Wesley, it's so touching to me when I think of the sacrifice he's making for the country. I suppose though, it has to be that way for some of us, because if we fully understood the weight of our actions in the moment, we might second guess ourselves and not make the same choices. (OKAY! Obviously this deep note is an example of spending too much time in my head. I mean, really, WHY would I have this thought, then feel the need to tell it to my phone?)

*Things to remember
Cookies can never have too many nuts
Sunday mail delivery should not be a thing
Finals suck
I am tired
Honestly, doesn't it seem like I wouldn't need a list to remind me of these things? Do people forget they're tired and like nutty cookies?

*If something makes you feel like complete and total crap, you have made the correct parenting choice. That's the secret. And also, I said crap to my primary class yesterday. Obviously. And Oops!

This next one is such a classic example of my craziness that I can hardly believe I'm sharing it, but since I think probably about ONE person still reads this blog, and she knows how crazy I am, I'm going to consider this saving for journaling purposes.

*I'm cheesy, I have always been cheesy. When I was in the 6th grade there was this kid who lived across the street and he wanted to play ball at our house. Something happened and he didn't like the way things were going so he left. That's when I loudly shouted "Are you sure you don't want to play? Quitters never win!!!" I've been reading graduation speeches online and I realize that I'm a sucker for a good quote. I'm an idealist and I think that people are inherently good. I believe that standing together is the only way we have a chance. I have a misguided belief that I can make a difference and if you choose to do good you won't ever regret it. I believe in the future. 

So much going on here. I'm really surprised my phone didn't have me committed after I unloaded all of these FEELINGS. In my memory of the quitter day, the game we were playing was whiffle ball, so my outrage was clearly justified because what kind of kid quits in the middle of a high stakes neighborhood game of WHIFFLE BALL!? AND the kid's older, cooler, teenage sister was sunbathing on the roof of their house while I was standing in my backyard trying to teach him (and anyone else in earshot) a thing or two about commitment. Good grief. This really deserves an entire post....or session with my therapist.

*Listen people of the universe. My expectations of you are high, and when you don't meet my expectations it is upsetting. I believe that people behave in response to the way you treat them. Here's the thing, people of the universe, I am treating you like you are responsible and respectful. I treat you like you will fulfill your obligations, and in return I try to do those things also. But people of the universe???? You are not holding up your end of the deal. I am very disappointed in you lately. I hope this little talk has ruined your self-esteem. Well, I think it's obvious I was not having a good day here, and also that I am a tiny bit high strung.

*Finals week is despicable. This morning my flash drive died. The flash drive I have used to store every assignment I've done for the past 2 years. Including 2 that I have not turned in yet. Like a truly educated person I DID NOT back up any of it anywhere. I feel certain this would have never happened to Princess Leia. I cannot explain what Princess Leia has to do with this tragedy, except that I was on the verge of a breakdown and possibly my mind went to a galaxy far far away as a protective mechanism.

If feel a little sorry for my phone, I mean it can't even change the subject when I start rambling about who knows what. This could explain why it gives me bad directions sometimes. Revenge.

Friday, June 12, 2015

I always say, mocking your children online is the most sincere way of showing affection...

...or something like that.

A few weeks ago, I'm sitting at work, minding my own business, when I get this text....

I've learned that at times like these, you can either cry and feel like a parental failure, or laugh and figure, "it is what it is". In the past I've been more likely to go with the first option, but you know what? I'm too tired. She's the 5th child, and I'm done. EXHAUSTED YO!!

I'm mean, how terrible can person feel when they find out they are failing, knowing that they haven't done their homework "pretty much this whole quarter"?.

Here's to summer school and learning things the hard way!! Woo Hoo!!!

Friday, June 5, 2015

Does this thing still work?

Hey, look. My blog is still here. Hmm.

It feels like it has been months since I've written anything here....probably because it's literally been MONTHS since I've written anything here.

"I'm just SO busy", feels like my mantra/battlecry lately. Although, in truth, I'm not sure I'm any busier these days than I have ever been, It's just a different kind of busy. But...school is out for the summer, and even though I still don't feel like I'm rolling in free time, I'm going to try to catch up a little.

So, in backwards order, I give you the goings on about town....

On Wednesday, Sylvan and I drove to California to pick up Wesley who has been on a 10 month deployment in the Middle East. This was our first time seeing a ship come in, so we really didn't know what to expect. His carrier is based on Coronado Island, and we were told that we would be able to see it coming in from the beach on base.

 We got there early, and got as close as we could before this sign (and a young sailor with a blowhorn and a gun) kept us from having the perfect view. The Navy apparently has a problem allowing civilians on their firing ranges. Whatever.

 The whole way in there was a group of Navy helicopters flying overhead and as they got closer you could see the sailors, in their whites, "manning the rails". It was quite the sight.

 After they passed the beach they went around the island to their "parking spot", where it literally took an hour for 2 little tug boats to push the carrier to the dock.
 As they were getting into place, the loudspeakers were playing music that has obviously been tested on the mothers of lab rats and been proven to produce tears, even in the most country music hating of all women. I was already a wreck, so that, U.S. Navy, seemed a bit unnecessary.
 FINALLY, they started letting them off the ship. I honestly had no idea that it would take SO long. The parking, the tying off, the cranes putting the ramps and stairs into place. Good golly. Then, because there are so many crew members (around 6000), it took another couple of hours before we were finally able to hug Wes.

It was a long day, but SO worth it.
 There were so many loved ones there to support these men and women, it was amazing. I cried over every reunion(of COURSE I DID), and finally seeing Wesley was the best feeling. It has been hard having him gone for so long, and I as I stood there all day watching these men and women hug their spouses and kids, or see their newborns for the first time EVER....gah. The emotions. 

I'm going to quit now, before I launch into a sappy patriotic love song or some such nonsense. 
Hug a soldier, be kind to others, have a great day.