Is it Tuesday already?

We had a lovely and relaxing Memorial Day weekend. I learned a few things you may not be aware of so allow me to share.

1. System Link is an invaluable tool that allows teenage boys to wreck two rooms in your home at once. Thank you Microsoft.
2. Teenage boys can eat their weight in Otter Pops.
3. If you ask your husband to clean out his closet your bedroom might end up looking like his closet threw up on it, but the closet will sure be clean.
4. Little girls can hold grudges for a really l-o-n-g time, and retaliation may come when you least expect it.
5. The amount of pool towels used for an afternoon of swimming is in no way indicative of how many people actually swam. The formula looks something like this-swimmers X towels(3)= 6 loads of laundry.

How was your weekend?

Someone is going to pay.

This morning the Demandatron demanded that she be allowed to walk home from school today.

“It’s the last day, and you never let me.” She reasoned. I quickly reminded her that creepy child stealers don’t care one wit about the last day of school. They will steal you just as quickly on the last day as the first.

“Please!!” she begged.

So we made a plan where her older (and wiser) brother would meet her and they could walk home together, because no child stealer would take two children at the same time. (I am very much aware of the cracks in my logic, thank you very much.)

Now it is raining, which NEVER happens here, so she will have to be picked up, and after the doughnut disaster of this morning (don’t ask) I am sure I will be accused of performing Native American Rain Dances in my spare time just so I could ruin her day.

Such is the glory of motherhood.

The number one school is here, does that count?

Newsweek released this list of the top public high schools in the country. I'm not entirely sure what criteria they used for ranking the schools (I mean, they provided it, I just didn't read it.), but I know what they didn't use. Dry heat.

That's right, after a brief study I have learned that in Arizona, where we have chosen to educate our children there are 6 good high schools, 6 and none in the actual city where we reside. But in Virginia, where we decided NOT to have our children learn, there are 83 good high schools. Virginia being a pretty small state, I am left with no choice but to conclude that EVERY stinking school in the state that we decided NOT to have our children educated is a GOOD school. It looks to me like the rankers of schools over there at Newsweek have given WAY to much credit for damp and rainy, when everyone knows that dry heat is proven to increase your brain power like by 2 or 3 percent over humid and wet any day of the week (except Thursday).


I would like to thank the state of Arizona for it’s dedication to the future of our children. You had 1300 chances to make the list and 6 was the most you could manage, 6, that's it?! It's like you aren't even trying.

So, thanks Arizona,-- thanks for nothing.
***
Let the gloating and the pouring of salt on my “I just paid gazillions of dollars to send my kids to summer school at their crappy high school in Arizona” wounds begin.

It was a l-o-n-g night.

When my husband is not home I have a hard time sleeping.

This weekend he took all of our sons and went camping, leaving me at home with the Demandatron. Which is possibly why I couldn’t sleep. After a “fun” night out, the prospect of a whole Saturday ahead of us has the potential to either leave one sleepless- or having nightmares.

After finally getting to sleep around midnight I woke up at 4:23 a.m. and could not go back to sleep. I turned on the TV, times like these are when some cable would come in mighty handy.

I found myself with few choices and settled on “Cutlery Corner”, you can check it out for yourselves at http://www.cutlerycorner.net/ .

Let me give you just a sampling of what you will find there.

On my television screen, at 4:40 a.m. I was amazed to see an array of knives like no other. The Cutlery Corner offers the sportsman it’s version of the Ginsu Knife collection.

--Hollow handled survival knife, with a 2 headed compass (is that like a two headed snake?). A sword, the color being offered tonight is Pitch Black. In all, 24 Pitch Black knives being offered for only $6.67 per knife. That’s right $79.99X2. And did you notice the Throwing Knives?—“folks I’ve seen a set of 3 Throwing Knives alone go for $30.00.” What a deal!!

“No one should be caught in the rush without these knives.” (What rush would that be? The after Thanksgiving early morning Wal-mart rush? The rush to judgment? The rushing river? Help me out here.)

But wait, then they brought out the granddaddy knife set of all time. Hold on to your hats ladies and gentlemen.

The 262 piece pocket knife set, that was it for me, I went back to bed. I know when I’m out of my league. The Dale Earnhardt knife, the AK47, offered tonight in firefighter red, the unbelievable bonus item—“give me a wide shot, because what I’m about to reveal needs a lot of room”.

“A’right here it is’’

A sword. But not just any ol sword.

A handmade Damascus steel sword made with up to 300 layers of steel, to give you a superior edge.

“Steel of this caliber is normally sold at about $100.00 an inch!! Ya gotta know, ya gotta know, you can’t find this anywhere.”

I’m not sure how they tie that Damascan sword into the pocket knife collection, maybe because it’s the bonus item, or maybe because most of their viewers are so hypnotized by the firefighter red AK47 pocketknife that they don’t care that the bonus item is not a pocket knife, or maybe I am just not seasoned in the ways of knife collecting, because truthfully, I can not even imagine the circumstances that would ever lead a person to feel good about buying 262 pocket knives in one shot EVER.

EVER.