Tuesday, August 19, 2014
Posted by wesley's mom (sue) on Tuesday, August 19, 2014
Sunday, August 17, 2014
Posted by wesley's mom (sue) on Sunday, August 17, 2014
Friday, July 4, 2014
Posted by wesley's mom (sue) on Friday, July 04, 2014
Thursday, June 26, 2014
A few weeks ago I found out that some changes have been made, and the company I work for will no longer be allowing any employees to work from home. If I want to keep my job I have to put on non-elastic waist pants and show up in the office everyday. EVERYDAY. I will probably have to wear make-up too, or at the very least comb my hair.
When I got the news I cried. I thought about what I was going to have to give up. Then I made a list of those things and cried some more.
1. Taking my kids to and from school
2. Being at home before and after school with my kids
4. Doing laundry on my breaks
5. Long lunches
6. Talking to my brothers on the phone in the middle of the day
7. Eating cereal at my desk while wearing sweatpants
8. Looking out the window while I work
Those were just the first things that came to me, there are more but I'm trying not to think about them, and I'm not going to show you the list of uncomfortable things I HAVE to do now. I know that so many people don't even have the luxury of making a choice in a situation like this. They work or they don't eat. I know I've been lucky. I'm trying not to mess up my karma by complaining too much.
Comparison really is the thief of joy, isn't it?
I may not have made too many plans, but I definitely have a ideas about what being a good mother looks like. Which is dumb, plenty of good moms work and plenty of bad moms don't. Having a job isn't what decides what kind of mom you are. My mom worked when I was growing up. She had to. And somehow, after working away from home all day she managed to come home and cook dinner every night. Like a real dinner, not grilled cheese or frozen pizza. There was fried meat, REAL mashed potatoes and gravy, and at least one vegetable that had been cooked beyond the point of its nutritional value and covered in cheese. Every night. How did she do that? My mom got A LOT of crap done. She IRONED, not only her clothes, but ours too. I know that she did what she had to do, and she was there when she could be, but my brothers and I were on our own a lot, and I never wanted that for my kids. They aren't babies, our youngest is 14, but in the grand scheme of things, 14, it's not really that old, you know?
I've been thinking about courage...and how little I have compared to so many other people. I really think that's why I don't make plans. Failure scares the living daylights out of me. But I'm trying to live differently. Learning lessons from being alive and all that stuff. So now I've made plans, I'm going to school, I'm excited about my future and as Scarlet O'Hara is my witness I am NOT going to change those plans. I'm just going to adjust.
Posted by wesley's mom (sue) on Thursday, June 26, 2014
Friday, June 13, 2014
Posted by wesley's mom (sue) on Friday, June 13, 2014
Monday, June 9, 2014
Posted by wesley's mom (sue) on Monday, June 09, 2014
Thursday, June 5, 2014
Have you ever had the wind knocked out of you? When I was younger, my "little" brother would whack me in the middle of my back on occasion and I would feel like I couldn't breath for... I don't know, it was probably just a few seconds, but at the time it felt like much longer. I'm sure I managed to be very dramatic about it.
Those were the days.
I used to be so brave. On a whim I joined the Army. I was up for anything. I went rappelling, I volunteered to jump out of airplanes, I traveled to Central America and lived in a tent. All of this I did alone (well, it was just me and the U.S. Army). Then I got married and moved to a state far far away from my brothers. Which was hard. Despite being better at hand to hand combat than I am, they're my best friends. I had five kids, I made new friends, I started book groups and play groups and learned how to repair my own washing machine. You get it. I was not afraid of much. But I think I've used up all of my courage. The idea of change at this point in my life is paralyzing.
It takes me forever to make a decision, and after I finally settle on something I second guess it to death. Deciding to go back to school was huge for me. It meant quite a bit of adjusting. I like a routine, I like to have things settled and just go along taking care of my business, you know? Sadly, the fates do not care about my anxiety levels and now I have to make some decisions and make some changes. Quite probably the things I have to figure out would not be a big deal to most people, or to me 10 years ago, but to me now...ugh. I feel like the wind has been knocked out of me and I haven't been able to breathe for a few days.
I know I'm being vague, I don't feel like I can spill all of the details...I was kicked off a jury once after I did that here...no one is going to die, my kids are fine, my husband still loves me, and in the grand scheme of things those are the things that really matter, right? I wish I could say that I know it will all work out and whatever I decide things will be fine, but I've made dumb choices before and I feel like I'm getting too old to go the long way anymore.
Posted by wesley's mom (sue) on Thursday, June 05, 2014
Friday, May 30, 2014
Before you judge, remember it was a three day weekend...
Posted by wesley's mom (sue) on Friday, May 30, 2014