I think I need this.

Seriously.

~from here~

also.....

It's my mom's birthday today.....

Happy Birthday Mom! I love you!!

That was some weekend.

I tell you what. We got CRAZY!!

Well, crazy for us. I meant to tell you about it sooner, like yesterday, but you know, life and whatnot got in the way. Better late than never, right?

On Friday we went to a real live rock and roll concert with wristbands and everything. I KNOW!

My friend's son is in a band and they just happened to be going on stage early enough that I didn't think I'd fall asleep in the audience.

I've done that before, it's embarrassing. 

Not this time though, I stayed awake and it was awesome. 

I'm not just saying that because I carpool with a couple of the band members.

The only downside was the total confirmation of our agedness. The club they played in is in downtown Phoenix. Lots of one way streets and very little parking. The only lots close by all had signs posted saying they were private and we would be towed if we parked without a parking permit of one kind or another. Young us would have just parked anywhere and figured we'd deal with the tow situation when and if it happened. Old us was not feeling so reckless, we drove around (up and down narrow one way streets in an unfamiliar neighborhood) for 20 minutes trying to find a well lit parking meter. Finally time was running out and we didn't want to miss the show so we decided to park in the YMCA lot and hope for the best.

(this video is NOT from the concert)
When the show was over we raced walked back to our car, which fortunately had not been towed yet. But from the looks of the Segway riding parking lot guard we were just in the nick of time. Whew! I tell you what. Living on the edge is not as much fun as it used to be.

Saturday night we, along with everyone else in town, went to watch Robert Downey Jr. save the world. I'm starting to think my need to have a good seat at the movies is getting out of hand. We arrived an hour early for the 7:20 show, but upon learning that 75% of the seats were sold I insisted on waiting for the 8:30 show. I don't even know what to say besides where I sit is an important part of the experience for me. My husband is very sweet about it. Probably because as long as he humors my theater anxiety I let him pick where we eat every time we go out.

Sunday I made a big ol' pan of fried rice to celebrate Cinco de Mayo, then I watched Call the Midwife and went to bed. Mexican independence at its finest.

My life is truly so exciting. I can't even imagine the envy you must be feeling right about now. 

Some stuff, in no particular order.

Sorry about yesterday, boy that was one big whiny rant, eh? You know, I want to be one of those people who doesn't care what other people say to or about them, and I'm trying to be, but I'm weak and I'm not there yet. Also, I'm tired lately, just so damn tired. I always seem to have a headache of one sort or another, either the literal kind or the kind where you've told too many people you would do too many things and now...holy hell...your head might explode. That's sort of what happened with yesterday's post. My head kind of exploded all over the keyboard.

I finally ordered graduation announcements this morning. I didn't mean to put it off until the last minute, it just worked out that way. I'm having a hard time getting my head around the fact that it's May already. What the heck?

Last night our son went to his very first concert. When he came home from school yesterday he told me his friend had an extra ticket to the Prince (is he back to using his old name again?) concert and they figured they should go since it was a once in a lifetime opportunity. He didn't really explain what he meant by "once in a lifetime", I can only assume that he means you never know when the purple rain is going to fall again so you have to get it while it's hot. This morning I asked him how it was and he said, "It was awesome! Except there were lots of old people, and they were trying to dance and stuff. I just wanted to say, don't forget, you're not 18 anymore. It was embarrassing."

Upon further prodding I learned that those "old" people were about my age.

I've never been interested in going to a spa and being exfoliated and massaged. I'm not a fan of the massage. (I'm weird, ok? Don't act like you didn't already know that.) However, for some reason it's sounding really good lately. I might even be down with one of those facial peel things that takes 10 years off your face by removing the top 10 layers of skin. I just realized it might sound like I want to be younger because my son made fun of the old people at the Prince concert, please let me assure you that has nothing to do with it. I've been wanting to look younger since last week when I noticed all of the age spots on the driver's side of my face and neck. Stupid Arizona sun.

Speaking of getting a little sun. On Saturday I decided to cut the grass. In the way of hearing protection I was using my ipod. Sadly, this form of protection offers little protection to the neighbors who, my daughter informed me, could hear me singing along over the roar of the mower. And that's how the whole neighborhood got to hear my versions of Family Tradition and Like a Virgin.  I don't even know what to say about that, except, at least I wasn't dancing.

If you can't say something nice.......

Listen, I don't want you to feel bad or anything, but I need to get something off my chest.

The other day when we were talking about my plans to go back to school, and you asked me what kind of degree I was considering and I told you social work and then you said ~ there's no money in that / your friend was a social worker for a while but he really hated it and now he's a bartender and he LOVES it / I think it would be so depressing being a social worker / don't you think you're a little old to be getting started in a career like that?~ I really wanted to punch you and then go have a good cry, but I didn't. You're lucky, I've been working on my arms at the gym so it probably would have hurt if I had punched you.

Look, I don't expect anyone to be my cheerleader and I don't expect people to lie and tell me something is so wonderful when they might not think it is, but I DO expect people to use common sense and decent manners when they're in public. If we were close friends and I asked for your honest input and you really felt like I was making a huge mistake because I'm too old to go to school for such a depressing unprofitable job, certainly I would expect you to tell me that. Then I would expect you to understand if I never had time to go to lunch with you again.

Just kidding!

Do you really think I don't know it's going to be hard and that I am old? Those things scare the crap out of me, but if you know me at all you know that I don't have the common sense to back away from difficult things and money is not really a motivator for me. Although I may appear outwardly shallow, inside of me lives an idealistic flower child who wears beads and braids and believes that as a human being I have an obligation to do all I can to help my fellow man. I'm more afraid of getting to the end of my life and knowing that I could have done more than I am of having my self esteem beat down further by going to college with a bunch of young smart kids and getting a job that doesn't make any money.

PS~Most people have been very kind and enthusiastic when I tell them about my mid-life crisis, which I greatly appreciate. And if you are in my carpool this post is not directed at you, contrary to appearances, I CAN take a joke. The people this post is intended for probably do not read this blog. 

And that's fine with me.

This might be a good time for L.L. Cool J to head back to Cali

Ever had a thing pointed out to you, and before that moment you didn't even know it was a thing, then all of the sudden...THING!

Like one time, someone asked me how often I cleaned the door knobs in our house. And I was like "Uh, when I grab one and something gross gets on my hand." And they were like, "Right, but you clean them other times, right?" And I was like, "Of course!" But in my mind I was like, "This woman has lost her damn mind if she thinks I have a cleaning schedule at all, much less one that includes a time slot for door knob sanitation."

It's been years since this conversation but I still think about it sometimes, mostly I think about how it's a funny thing to ask someone, but every now and then I see a door knob and for a second I think I'm not domestic enough because I don't clean mine on a regular basis.

It happened again this week. There was a thing that I didn't know existed and now I know and BAM! I know it's out there I cannot stop thinking about it.

A friend came under the rock where I live and showed me this video.

The Colbert Report 

Get More: Colbert Report Full Episodes,Indecision Political Humor,Video Archive

At first I thought the whole thing was a joke, a pretty funny one actually. It had to be. I don't listen to much country music so I really have no idea what's coming out of Nashville these days, (This must be such a sad thing for my mother who tried her hardest to raise country fans by drowning us in Kenny Rogers and the Oak Ridge boys during our childhoods. Sorry mom. The Mandrell Sisters did have great hair, but in the end it just wasn't enough.) but surely no one is this dumb. I don't even know what to say. It makes me wonder, well, so many things, but mostly, don't Brad and L.L. have people? Handlers? Someone who could sit them down and say, "No, seriously dudes, this is a BAD idea?"

Anyway, I can't quit. I've watched this video about 10 times and it is not getting old. It kills me every time. I think I get what they were trying to do, but really......so not hitting the mark.

When I said I think cleaning your door knobs is dumb, what I meant to say was, "I like chocolate chip cookies.".

PS~Special thanks to Karen for alerting me to the existence of this video. You know how make the carpool interesting for sure!

Because clearly I have my priorities in order

I'm getting a little worried about this whole going back to school thing. I keep thinking about all of the things that are going to change, and how busy I'm going to be, and blah, blah, blah......

This is how I do it. I think of all the stuff that could go wrong, I make lists and stress majorly for a little while, then I buck up and do what I need to do. The pre-event nervous breakdown is necessary to guarantee a successful mission.

I wish there was another way, but there just isn't.

Right now I'm worrying about time and money and other super important things like, what if I don't have time to read a book for fun or what if I can't watch TV for the next 4 years? Am I going to have to give up going to the movies? How will I relax? What if I never relax again?

It's got me in kind of a state. (It's pretty much just a more intense version of my usual state.) I'm feeling like I have to cram in as much leisure as possible before my first classes start next month.

OH MY GOSH!! My classes start NEXT MONTH!

I think things might be getting a little out of control.

Before I got myself all worked up I'd cut back on my TV watching, maybe watching an hour or two a week, then I cracked open the door to watch Mad Men and, well, I might have a problem. Not only did I catch up on Mad Men, but I've watched 4 episodes of Call the Midwife this week AND I found a new series called The Bletchley Circle. (It's on PBS, set in the 1950's a group of code breakers from the war use their skills to track a serial killer. It's quite good.)

All day yesterday I thought about what I was going to watch last night. I can't stop. I might need an intervention.

Like a see-saw, or a merry-go-round, or one of them there whack-a-mole games.

Sometimes I have nothing to say. Nada, zero, zilch. Shocking I know. I can go weeks without feeling like I have anything clever or important to write about. During those times I feel.....I don't know....discontent, disconnected, discombobulated.

I think to myself.....this blogging thing is dumb. In fact, the whole writing thing is dumb. It's run it's course. Give your notice and move along, go sort some socks or something........

It never fails that when I've just about convinced myself to do that, to put us all out of our misery, my brain explodes, and I have soooo much to say that I cannot contain it. Next thing you know, I'm trying to drive and scratch out a note (More or less dangerous than texting at the wheel? Bout the same, says I.) or writing notes on my hand in the dark of the movie theater so I won't forget some super important detail. Never mind that it takes me forever to decipher what was probably not very coherent in the first place after it's all smudged with red vine residue an hour and a half and later.

Anyway, that's where I am today. Too much to say, not enough time to write it all down. When I get like this I can't do anything until it's all out. Last night I wrote in my journal until my hand cramped up and this morning I got up before the crack of dawn and wrote rough drafts for 4 posts. There's no guarantee any of it will ever be fit for public consumption, but at least they're out of my head.....mostly.

So, there's your warning. The next few days will likely be a cornucopia of nonsense. Enjoy.

Eavesdropping

Last week I overheard this conversation~

Man #1~ "So I stepped into the room and made my presidents known."

Man #2~ "........."

Me~"Bahahahahaha!"

Naturally I turned away and tried to die laughing silently. "made my presidents known"????